Intimate relationships, 8 kinds of relationships that make people suffer

In intimate relationships, we can feel both sweetness and bitterness.

We can feel both freedom and restraint.

We can feel both security and fear.

How do you avoid hurting yourself in an intimate relationship?

It is important to identify the attributes of your intimate relationship.

01 A relationship that one person is struggling to support

If you are in a relationship where you feel for a long time: only you are trying to give, feeling powerless or trapped, then the relationship will be very difficult to maintain.

Because the relationship is mutual.

If a love, or marriage, only one person is dominating and in control so the other person in the relationship loses freedom. And freedom is the most real and difficult need to balance in love.

02 Over-dependent relationships

The relationship is supposed to be mutually dependent, but this dependence can not make you lose yourself, or lose the right to make yourself happy. If you are in a relationship that revolves around him 24 hours a day, then the pain will soon follow.

Because the truth is: only you can be with you 24 hours a, if he is not there, you will feel intensely lonely and isolated, then this dependence brings pain and loss.

What you can do is take responsibility for your own life, take responsibility for your own emotions, and make the other person responsible for his emotions. Seeing each other grow in responsibility is the greatest gift that love can give us.

A person's happiness and meaning of existence should not be based on someone else, and if you desire to make yourself whole with your other half, it also means that your world is no longer complete without him. When you can't provide yourself with all the joy he has to offer, his existence becomes a matter of suffering.

03 A relationship of constant comparison

Whether you prove that your current relationship is good by blaming your past life and partner, or you prove that you have lost out by blaming your current partner, this is a very bad practice.

In such a relationship, every day is to prove and compare with the past. This is a lose-lose approach, on the one hand denying your past self, and on the other hand, manipulating the present relationship with the mistakes of the past.

Any relationship that is manipulated lacks sincerity. A sincere relationship should accept the past and let bygones be bygones.

If we can't live well in the present, even if we have it all now, we won't know how to cherish it. Leave the past to the past, no matter what it was, it's gone. It is the present, the here and now, that is most important and that determines every day of your future.

04 Over-idealized relationships

We all have our fantasies about "love" and "the other half". These fantasies may come from the trauma of our family of origin, from fairy tales, from TV shows .....

But the truth is, no relationship is perfect. And no one can "always" meet your expectations. If someone can always meet your expectations, they are not being their "true self".

We used to say: If you take good care of me, I will take good care of you. But now we should say: If I take good care of myself for you, you should take good care of yourself for me.

Any real relationship will never be perfect, but that doesn't mean our efforts are ineffective. On the contrary, it is because of imperfection that we can do a little something and do some effort in each other's lives.

05 Dishonest relationships

What is the greatest fear of marriage and love? It is cheating and betrayal.

Are you honest and open in your marriage and love? Maybe you say, "I didn't lie, I just didn't tell him." Or: "I didn't lie to him, I just didn't want to hurt Ta."

But you forget that what attracted you to each other in the first place was honesty. Because honesty and trust are valuable, so you are willing to tell him some of your own bad, so that he can tolerate and comfort you.

But since when did "not to say" become a weapon to avoid arguments? After a while, you will understand that only honesty can bring the possibility of forgiveness and forgiveness.

06 A relationship full of cold war and aggression

Sarcasm, backtalk, and silence are not the best ways to face conflict.

Try to express openly, their feelings and thoughts, if the other party cares about the relationship, they will be willing to make some effort for each other.

07 Emotional blackmail in relationships

In relationships and marriages, we often see the phenomenon: "I'm good to you, so you have to be good to me!" Or: "I'm like this, and you still don't do so and so." "Because I want it, you need to give it." And so on.

This is "emotional blackmail" and love and relationships are not a sale. We can't force each other to do anything because we want it. In an intimate relationship, all flow should be natural and willing.

We don't have to agree to all of the other person's needs. There are times when the other person's demands are against your will and you need to clarify your position and boundaries, try to say what you want and don't want, and establish boundaries within the relationship that are comfortable for both of you.

08 Cold love

Our lives today are busy: work takes time, relationships take time, and even eating takes time.

Many people think that after they fall in love, they can just leave it alone, but relationships take more time than those other things because the human heart knows best. Love and relationships are not real estates that can be kept in place until you are tired of playing busy and want to get up.

You need enough time to discuss the things you care about, how you feel about certain things, and the difficult topics you care about with each other.

The rarest thing about a relationship is that you can leave the time constraints behind to be with each other.

He is not as perfect and important as you think, but the time you spent together, the difficulties you have overcome, have left deep and shallow marks in each other's memories, you witness each other in love, but also in each other's efforts to see more possibilities of love.

Dear friends, if you encounter these problems in your relationship, you need to seriously examine your relationship: what needs to be adjusted, and what needs to change.