Internal Expressions

I awoke like any other day, exhausted and squinting to keep my eyes open. I fumbled through the early-morning darkness to find my slippers and robe, then made my way down the hall towards the kitchen. Knowing the day could become a disaster due to the looming pressure of a blind date later in the evening, I'd flipped the light switch and stretched again while I considered pouring something a bit stronger but, I fought the urge. I prepared the espresso machine, and leaning against the kitchen counter, I grabbed the newspaper, and as I slumped my face onto my fist, I attempted to read and maintain interest in it.

I've always believed it to be a strange tradition - dating. "We spend so much time primping and overly compensating our self-evaluations in hopes of believing we're good enough for a strangers time and efforts and all-the-while, trying not to be pessimistic in our views or expectations. An odd but seemingly necessary 'thing' to put ourselves through, I suppose? Ugh! Great, here come the doubts and fears. How am I supposed to apply my makeup and find something in my closet that isn't wrinkled with all this negativity going through my mind?" I thought to myself.

Still unsure whether I'd given myself enough time to wake up or not, I began fighting with my wardrobe and wondering why I have such bad taste in clothing; everything's either too tight, too outdated, or too casual. I don't want to give a 'bad' impression, and I can't hope to attract a man of quality if I begin every conversation with an excuse! "Alright!" I say aloud to myself. "I can do this...I can be mature and responsible for my decisions!" I say as I childishly throw myself back onto the bed and look up at the ceiling, wondering why I couldn't just call on the magic of the Cinderella stories; and have an assortment of wild animals gleefully dress me while we all sing together. I take a deep breath, astutely leap back to my feet and relax my shoulders, saying "I can do this!".

After what seemed like an eternity and dramatically throwing all of my clothes onto the floor, flinging everything off the hangers, I managed to find one dress suitable for meeting someone for the first time. It's not gold-dipped, silver-trimmed, diamond-encrusted, or swimming in sequins, but I believe that this rather plain evening gown might do!

Holding the dress in my hands in front of the door-hung mirror, I turn to see my bedroom and think to myself, "I can't throw my jewelry around the room like this." My bedroom now looks like a creepily-decorated morgue of would-be and has-been garments of all name brands and thread counts. "I'll be glad when tonight's over and done with, so my bedroom can recuperate." I chuckle.

I decided on small-jeweled accessories as not-to appear extravagant or bougie; that's not a persona I can keep up with. I should keep true to myself; maybe a little shine or splash of color in my shoes and makeup would be enough? I'd also decided on minimal and neutral makeup techniques to soften my appearance and bring it all together. It may also relax any possible uneasy feelings he may have, as well. A mutual friend of ours set this up and, while I trust her, the description of what to initially expect couldn't have been vaguer. All she told me was, "You'll be in a public place. Dress for an outdoor candlelit dinner." So, a minimal smokey-eye and a baby rhinestone necklace, earrings, and bracelet it is!

Evening came, and my nerves made it feel like my heart was trying to beat out of my chest. I felt beautiful in this black-grey gown, with a low-shimmer silver thread sewn throughout, loose-enough that I could breathe but tight-enough to show my silhouette. I paired this with low-sheen patent-leather low-heel pumps and baby rhinestone accessories that matched the small-but-handy soft suede black Clutch with my hair straightened-down to give myself a more polished and refined look.

My friend came to pick me up and chauffeur me to the date she'd setup but militantly held back and wouldn't tell me anything about the guy or where exactly we were going. It was strange, considering she and I told each other everything and kept no secrets from one another but, I trusted her. We talked about other things to relax my nerves and occupy the drive.

After what seemed like a long time, she said, "We're here!" and my nerves admittedly flexed again to remind me that my stomach was still in knots but not before the confusion of where we were, set in. It seemed an unusual place for a blind date. We walked a short distance to what looked like a town square. There was a large water fountain in the center and the entire area surrounded by stone flooring and at four angles surrounding the fountain were water-dancing mini fountains. As I looked around, taking in all of the beauty of lights, water sculptures, and relaxed night-life, I noticed a table-for-two set against the large fountain in the middle of this beautiful sea of marble and stone. Sitting at this table a dark-haired man dressed in what appeared to be a black sports coat, dress pants and polished dress shoes was confidently yet, patiently poised and looking towards my friend and me. A natural and acknowledging smile came across my face and returned in kind. As we continued to get closer, I noticed he was starring right into my eyes. I glared down as we approached him and I saw a white rose appear in his hand from under the table, as he stood to pull out my chair: My best friend must've told him that was my favorite flower. He warmly greeted us but didn't speak again until he'd pushed my chair in, and we were both seated. It'd seem he'd involved his friends whom I didn't know and, they were our waiters and entertainment.

A few of them were playing instruments and giving us their rendition of Beethoven and Bach. The local restaurant on the square had been told of our friends' intention to host this date. They were all-too-happy to cooperate with the event so, his friends acting as servers, brought our menus and took our orders. They reported to the servers of the restaurant who'd carried out the specifications. It was very well-planned and impressive! The meal was a roasted white-meat chicken paired with a side-main of sweet-seasoned squash and vegetables. The wine, while I'd never heard the name of it before, was a young Merlot he'd ordered a bottle of and took upon himself to pour into our glasses. It was an excellent pairing of dry and sweet to bring the whole dinner to a brand new level of enchanting I'd only ever experienced through Disney! Our conversation and his company just made the night perfect!

The cost of that evening was immeasurable, which had nothing to do with finances but rather the quality and vulnerability of his demeanor and his sense of adventure and standards. I allowed him to take me home that night, and he was an absolute gentleman. He kissed me 'good night' on the cheek, asked if he could see me again, and didn't walk back to his car until I had gone inside and locked the door: Without hesitation, I said yes!. Who says chivalry's dead?

I was so caught up in the nights' magic that it wasn't until after I'd walked into my bedroom to slip into something sleep-worthy, I remembered the mess I'd have to repair, but I'll do that tomorrow!