If You Want to Kill Your Enemy, Go Have a Beer with Him

One day I sat with a few classmates for lunch and a few beers. One is a Christian, the other a Jew, the other a Hindu, and the other a Muslim. We all were pretty western looking and speak California English. We say shit like dude, hella, and yolo. The topic of religion came up and they went around the table asking what religion they were. Waiting for our beers to arrive.

"What are you?" One asked.

"I am Jewish," Two answered.

"What are you?" One asked

"I am Hindu," Three answered.

"What are you?" One asked.

"I am Muslim," Four answered.

One was a Christian.

"And what are you?" One asked me.

One, Two, Three, and Four looked at me waiting the hear my answer. Each looking for an ally.

"I am nothing," I said.

"What? You don't believe in God?"

"I have no team. What I think 'God' is, is too big to even fit in a word," I said.

They called me crazy and godless and all said I was going to hell and Naraka and Jahannam and Gehenna. They ignored me and began to fight amongst themselves. They called each other names and told each other that they were going to hell and Naraka and Janannam and Gehenna. I sat there. Their voices escalated, their faces boiled red with anger and righteousness until they quarreled like dogs ripping into the guts of their brothers. I sat there. What had started out as a friendly gathering of food and drink had turned into a verbal bloodbath.

"HEY!" I yelled sitting there.

"You mean to tell me," I said. I pulled out my plain hemp necklace with no crucifix, or star of David, or Om, or star and crescent on it, "The only Godless person at this table has the most peace? How?" I said. “How can that be?"

We had just walked out of the university campus. All those books we read. All the traditions we questioned and challenged our minds with. We knew people at times were blinded by faith so much so they killed one another. We had just for a second forgotten that most of the world’s wars were fought over beliefs. Simple invisible things you hold tight to inside of your head. We sat in silence for what felt like a very long time. The war at our table was over. We heard the birds singing from an open door and the sun shined through the glass on us all. Each took off their necklace with their emblems and gave them to me.

"I know people have killed their poor stupid neighbors over religion," Four said.

"I would rather just be a good human than to have a team as you call it," Three said.

"You're right you godless freak number Five, I love you anyway," Two said.

We all looked at One. Being the most radical of us all.

"Fuck you!" One said. "I'm right and you are all still going to hell!"

You ruined it, I thought shaking my head.

"I'm HELLA fucking kidding DUDE! YOLO!"

So we burned the Christian at the stake for the witch he was in the toast we gave laughing together when the beers...had finally arrived.

THE END