If Woody Had Gone Straight to the Woods . . .

VEGAN PRODUCT HIGHLIGHTS

• Kettle Brand Organic Chips = Because organic potatoes cooked in organic oil, straight up, taste better.

• OWYN = Chocolate chip cranberry bar. Really good.

• Just Egg = Made from plants. Truly fantastic.

PHOTOS WRITTEN IN THE STARS

I had a hot and heavy dream about a friend, who happens to be a gay man. And I only say this because as a straight woman, whatever the cosmos in my head were trying to tell me, they were barking up the wrong tree. Was it the cosmos in my head, the cosmos out there, or was my head itself barking up the wrong tree, even though I was asleep?

I think it's all kosher because...it was a dream, hot and delicious, like a pastrami sandwich. Or in my case, a hot and delicious sandwich from Orchard Grocer.

I had recently seen a shirtless photo of my Wrong Tree Man. Abs, who knew? Plus I had a tiny piece of canna-chocolate on my way home from work. And apparently, this was a perfect blend for my subconscious. You know those dreams you have, when you wake up the next morning, and you're convinced that you are not where you really are? That the dream was reality? It's enough to make a premenopausal woman really schvitz.

I reached for my phone, so I could meditate. How have all these monks for thousands of years meditated without an app? It's tricky. I have these alerts in my face and I try, but I just can't say no. It appeared as if the night before I made a comment on social media that I don't miss my former profession. Someone had posted a photo of a building, in which my former profession takes place. In chalk, someone had written on the sidewalk that if you miss My Former Profession, then wear a mask. I agree with that statement. New York has become The Sneetches, as far as wearing masks to prevent COVID spread is concerned. To me it's a no brainer.

My comment on the building photo was that I don't miss my former profession at all, but I still wear a mask everywhere I go. And this offended a Dear Friend of mine, who is still in practice, and has been unable to do so because New York remains mostly shut down. I immediately searched to take down my comment, but my Dear Friend had already done so. They reached out to me privately, saying that they understood I had a bad experience with my previous employer. But there are a ton of people who still practice, who have been unable to. They have legitimately been silenced by the virus and shut down. And that this is something I should consider, even though my previous employer turned its back on me.

And this is when I saw that my Dear Friend and I were barking up trees so different, they may as well have been growing in completely different climates. I made it perfectly clear that I was the one who turned my back on the Practice. I had failed at turning my practice into something more satiating and sustainable. I was the one who allowed that failure to happen. And while I don't like my current employment situation, I allow it in my life, every day that I walk into work. I am thrilled that so many people I'm connected to still create it, because they love the practice so much. And that I believe that the opportunity to practice will pick up on the other side of the Virus war.

We closed with embracing our love for everything Freddie Mercury, Queen, David Bowie, and the movie "Bohemian Rhapsody." Suddenly--

ALL WE HEAR IS RADIO GAGA...!

My Dearest Freddie, we still love you.