I WISH I MET YOU WHEN YOU WERE SKINNY

Every once in a while I used to tell you this because I would love to have a photo together from any time between 1997-2000. We always tease each other, but this is one of your least favourite teases from me. You always just rolled eyes and said “Haha”.

Last year, the night I was in agony and so much pain; I really thought I wouldn’t make it that night. You were taking care of me at your place and trying to comfort me.

I can tolerate a lot of pain, and I mean a lot. When I ask for a pain killer is because the pain is excruciating and I’m willing to risk my life to make the pain go away. (Due to my blood issues, any pain killer is dangerous for me and I don’t like taking drugs anyway only if it’s really necessary).

At some point I felt this extreme pain and I started crying. I was crying because it was so painful. You hugged me really tight and started kissing me non stop on the forehead. I asked you for a painkiller, you said it was dangerous and told me to be almighty and endure the pain. I asked you again. You stopped kissing me and looked at me with a very serious face. -“I’m going to tell you something I have always wanted to tell you.”

I was waiting to hear something juicy. “Come on, sit up. I can’t say it out loud, I’ll whisper it in your ear...”

You helped me sat up, leaned on my shoulder and whispered:

“I WISH I MET YOU WHEN YOU WERE SKINNY”

I started laughing so hard, you started laughing too and you said it again out loud and I couldn’t stop laughing. I had to stand up and my stomach was hurting so much! You made me distract from my severe pain in such a clever way, the MM way.

You covered me with a blanket and put a hot towel on my face, then apologized for not washing your hands. ( I’m an OCD freak), you then started to smear your “lucky charms” stick on me.

I was in so much pain and didn’t even know what you were doing. You told me you were doing magic and that your lucky charms stick had special powers. “How do you think I get all the girls?” You said.

You sat on the floor beside me and started running your fingers through my hair. You offered to delete my browsing history from my phone and told me you delete yours each time. “I’d want you to delete mine but you wouldn’t have to.”

As I was laying down in agony and pain, I was very curious and a bit frightened. We talked for hours and surprisingly the pain did go away. You told me many things I was unaware of. It was one of my greatest nights ever even though I didn’t think I’d make it.

Nobody else was there for me that night and I didn’t want to be with anyone else. Every minute I was by your side, I was very grateful for it.

I honestly don’t have words to truly describe what you mean to me, because what you mean to me and the word for it; it’s not in the vocabulary. You have actually saved my life and I am and will always be grateful for you being a part of my life. A huge part of my life. Not only you are my best friend but also the most important person in my life.

This morning you told me how grateful you are of my tragedy 5 years ago because that’s what brought us together in such intimate friendship. It was my hardest emotional experience and I was ready to destroy my life and become a drug addict. You didn’t accept my offer to do drugs together. Instead you asked me to tell you everything that had happened. You listened to me for two hours, didn’t interrupt, didn’t give me advice, didn’t judge. You really just listened. You were the only one who actually listened, cared and helped me. Not my mom or dad, not my husband, not my “friends”. Only you, everybody else just gave un useful advice. You offered me to stay with you and hang out. Shortly after; you made my chest pain go away and gave me hope, made me smile and appreciate life again.

You have never given me anything else other than love. All my loved ones have let me down, all of them. My parents, my men, my kids, my friends but not you. Not even once.

You are the only one who has never ever let me down or hurt me, everybody else has.

You are the one who is always there to mend and cure my heart from the pain inflicted by my loved ones. You are the most important person in my life, nobody else. You are my bestie and will always be, simply because you are the only one who gets me and we’re just comfortable on each other’s skin. I love you. I mean how can I not love you. Of all the persons I know, it is an honour to be your friend and getting offered to delete my browsing history before I die from YOU, is a dream come true.

P.S: Who wants to be skinny anyway?