I Will Keep Wearing A Smile

"You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile" by Sia

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Before I go into the ways that I do and will continue to strive to build inclusivity and kindness in the world, I have to be honest here and admit that for religious reasons, I practice strict political neutrality and do not become involved in political or social movements of any kind. In fact, I don’t even watch the news as it's too depressing and frightening for me with all of its talk of terror and tragedy, and I simply cannot bring myself to trust the fake, fixed smiles and carefully calculated frowns of those who claim to speak the truth.

I know that many would think me to be willfully ignorant and out of touch because of my self-inflicted distance from current events, but let's get real here for a minute... There is absolutely nothing new or revolutionary about the hate, terror, prejudice, and cruelty that fill this world, and whether I watch the "news" or not, it would be impossible to be blind to what is going on in this world.

But what is reported on the TV is not News to me!

I've been told that I can afford to not watch the news or join a side because I’m a white American. I suppose to some extent, there is some truth to this. I live in a relatively expensive house, and my husband has a decent job, allowing me to stay home and go back to school.

But appearances aren't everything, and if you were to look past the exterior, you'd find that my house has no heat or air conditioning, and that the roof and walls are infested with rats that the landlord has never removed.

Additionally, if you looked past my own exterior appearances, you'd discover that I'm not just some privileged white woman who is unaffected by the injustice of this world.

I may carry an American passport, but I don't think of myself as an "American." I think of myself as Alaskan, through and through. An Alaskan who grew up in a cabin in the woods without running water, electricity, an indoor toilet, or any food to speak of.

I've also experienced intense bullying because of my appearance, leading me to look in the mirror with nothing short of disgust and self-loathing for my entire life. I don't see white skin - I just see ugliness and fat. And I've experienced religious persecution that caused my family and I to have to relocate.

Additionally, like any other woman who has tried to advance and be taken seriously, I began experiencing sexism before I even started working - at age FIVE, and while I have not worked since Covid started, I had always worked and earned my keep (I worked between 3 and 4 jobs at a time throughout high school).

And though many might look at me - an overweight, white, middle-class, American stay-at-home wife who is always smiling in public – and think that they know what sort of life I’ve led and who I am, they’d be oh, so wrong on every level.

So, why am I divulging all of these personal details right now? And what could my own history possibly have to do with fostering inclusivity and kindness?

Well, put simply... It has EVERYTHING to do with it! Because everything that we go through influences the kind of person we will be! And we need to remember that we have no idea what someone else may have experienced in their life!

Many people do not expect from looking at me that I've experienced such intense injustice and hatred, and that’s alright -- I wouldn’t expect them to guess any of this.

Because really, we can’t know a single thing about someone just by looking at them. Other than their color and height and weight, I suppose. But even those can be deceptive. (I'm so white as snow that no one ever believes that I'm a descendant of Pocahontas!)

That's really sort of the point...

You can't tell a thing about someone from just looking at the outside.

So, then why is it that we still try? Why is it that even though we all feel the injustice of the incorrect assessments of others,’ we still persist in developing our own theories of others?

I suppose it’s because it’s human nature to an extent, and to a larger extent, because it’s society’s nature.

Perhaps the greatest and most valuable lesson that I’ve learned from my own varied and often unpleasant experiences in this life is that each moment, each new environment, each new trial and tribulation has provided me with a new insight into the tribulation that someone else might be going through.

I’ve lived in so many places and through so many new situations that I’ve come to have my eyes widened to many different outlooks and cultures. This widening out has helped me to be able to relate to many people of many different backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, and colors. And yet for so long, I was still greatly judgmental and wary of two particular groups – the wealthy and the intolerant. Because in my eyes, they were often one and the same.

It's a funny thing how the very same lesson that we spend our lives trying to teach others is so often the lesson that we fail to see for ourselves. I went to high school in an almost exclusively “white” town, yet the heritage that ran through their veins of which they were so proud, was full of color, but they were adamantly determined not to acknowledge or see this simple truth! Oh, how this infuriated and frustrated me to no end!

I decided to make it my singular aim to educate them.

Despite my religious beliefs of strict political neutrality, I fought constantly against the inner battle of wanting to force this large group of people to change.

It took a long time for me to understand a very important lesson:

We cannot control what others believe and the speed at which they develop their own enlightenment. Sometimes, they never do.

I realized that I was being just as intolerant as they were. I realized that just because I believed my moral superiority in that matter, my methods and my own intolerance only served to fuel their intolerance.

It's been decades since then, and I have only broadened my associations even more since then, but I have also, fortunately, broadened my understanding and developed a firmer control over my own ability to remain politically neutral.

Perhaps, many would think that my firm resolve NOT to get involved in the movements and politics of these undeniably important issues is weak-willed, unenlightened, or even a luxury that I can afford as a white person – as my Filipino husband often reminds me.

But this is one of the most valuable lessons I believe I’ve ever learned:

I cannot change other people by forcing them to see my way, and by being inflexible when dealing with those I believe are wrong, I have only served to further their own inflexibility.

It is absolutely the truth that intolerance, prejudice, racism, bigotry, and all of these things are a Cancer of the Soul and of Society.

And I’ve learned something from personal experience with Cancer of the body:

The best and most effective treatment for real cancer is not “killing” the cancer, but in “healing” your own body so that it can fight it better on its own. Sure, we can remove a tumor from within ourselves if it has not spread outward yet, but the effects of it will still be felt and visible with scarred tissue.

Similarly, I have found in my recent years that when I watch the news or allow myself to feed on the events of the world around me too much, I feel as though I have opened my mind to a cancer and invited it inside of me. It wears me down. It beats me down. It erodes the good I have.

Hatred and prejudice are by no means new developments in this world, and I truly believe that the best way to remain open to the people – the individuals – around us and aware of what they’re going through, is not to watch the news or try to control everything around us, but to allow our own heart and mind to reach out to them on a deeply personal and genuine level.

I know full well what it feels like to be hated and judged, maligned and mistreated. I know the pain of being excluded. So, I decided a long time ago that I would do my best to never make someone feel that way with my own actions.

Of course, I'm sure I have. Mistakes and miscommunications happen. And sometimes, in the best of intentions, we make our own ignorance known. I'm sure this is the case for me as well.

Honestly, I'm all too aware that this piece might offend some who feel so differently than I do... to those people - I'm truly sorry. Please understand I'm trying to speak not from hate or ignorance, but love. 🖤

However, we all must do what we feel is right (hopefully continuing to evolve), and we have to keep true to who we are while we attempt to widen out and show kindness to others.

For me, this does not happen by becoming involved in formal social or political movements. For me, the greatest thing that I can do is to show a personal and genuine interest in the people around me. Everywhere I go, I encounter a person who is going through something and is different than I am.

So how do I change things for them?

How do I show them kindness and inclusivity?

You’re going to laugh at me. You’re going to think I’m foolish and simple-minded. But that’s okay, because I’ve seen the effects of this simple set of actions.

I smile. I nod. I say “hello.”

I greet the people around me.

With genuineness. With earnestness.

With kindness. With openness.

And if they feel inclined, they are welcomed into my life without the burden of judgment and criticism. I know this sounds too simple to mean anything… to do anything. But I promise it’s not.

The best way that we can spread our love to the world around us is by first feeling it for others and then letting them know. I have been told numerous times that I have a genuine smile. A contagious smile. A pretty smile.

Truthfully, my teeth could be whiter, my lips are always dry and cracked, and if you ask me, my cheeks are far too fat and red for my smile to be pretty. But the secret is in that first compliment. Genuine.

Goodness knows, I have leaps and bounds to go toward being free of my own sins, but I can honestly say that every time I share a smile, I mean it. I want them to smile back. And they usually do.

Because it’s human nature that we mimic the emotion of those around us - if someone frowns at us, we will frown in return. But we will usually smile in return when we see someone genuinely smiling at us. It’s also scientifically proven that smiling makes us feel happier. So, I believe in the power of the smile!

Sometimes, Just A Smile Can Break Down A Barrier!

Yesterday, I was feeding the ducks with my husband, and there was a young black man with his children nearby. I saw him shrink back and grimace when I looked at him. Not out of terror of my great physical strength, for certain, but out of that normal instinct that so many have developed in this world – uncertainty, judgment, possibly fear...

I smiled. I nodded. I mouthed “hey,” and then, seeing his truly beautiful girls laughing and waving at the ducks, I laughed.

He smiled. He nodded. He laughed, and he reached down and picked up his little girl who started giggling and waving at me. I waved back, and he visibly relaxed.

As my husband and I left, that man was walking casually next to us and smiling, without grimace. Without shrinking back.

I do not claim to have solved the world’s problems or have the ultimate answer to prejudice and hate.

But I do know that the opposite of hate is love.

Hate and ignorance breed sadness and resentment.

Sad, resentful people frown.

While love and openness breed happiness and contentment.

Happy, content people Smile!

This may seem too simple, but it's the truth!

So, for me, though I know I still have much to learn about others and their cultures, backgrounds, and etc., I also know that there is so little that I can do to cure the world’s cancer by “cutting it out.”

So, I will continue to feed my own soul nourishment, and let it cure the cancer from the inside out. I will not watch the news. I will not join in any formal movement, and I will not try to force those around me to see things my way.

Instead, I will focus on myself and my own efforts at fostering inclusivity and kindness, and let it radiate outward like a healing:

I will keep smiling.

I will keep nodding.

I will keep saying “hello."

I will keep being genuinely open and kind to the people around me, always here with a smile and a hug for anyone who needs it!

And I will always remember that though I may be able to tell what color or height or weight a person is, I have no freaking clue what they’re going through, but I will do my best to let them know that I would like to!

Sometimes, all it takes is a smile.

*** All pictures within this article have been taken from Pixabay and do not require attribution.

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❤ Author's final note: Thank you for reading the article above! If you enjoyed it, check out some of my other work below! And please don't forget to hit the ❤ button below and share with your friends!

Check out my first ever fiction piece on Vocal below!

Also, check out one my two Top Story recipients below!

This one is a poem:

And this one is a short story about finding love:

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Lena 🖤