I've Met A Man On Vocal, Who I Want to Explore Friendship With.

I am often described as a really nice person to get on with, but I'm often misunderstood in terms of friends with the opposite sex, because I am a married woman.

I'm known for enjoying friendship, whether via distance or close with both male and female friends.

However, here is the problem:

There are some people who jump to conclusions. They assume that because my friend is male, I must be having an affair with him.

Here is a fact about me that a lot of people will not accept.

I don't do affairs.

I got very hurt as a child, after my dad had an affair behind my Mother's back, and then left her for that other woman. It cut straight through my heart and disrupted my childhood. I have not recovered today.

I am a very friendly and flirty person, but you should never mistake my personality for wanting more. It's just the way I am.

I like to laugh, dance, and sing.

I am generally a very affectionate person with a caring personality.

Many people who have seen me having fun with my male friends jump to the conclusion that something must be going on, even though it is just me being 100% myself.

Here is another fact:

I am bisexual, and I can fall in love with both men and women, but nobody, not even a female, ever assumes that I'm having an affair with a woman, even though my behaviour is the same with both.

I don't make friends offline as easily as I do online, and I have to be careful with both because people easily take advantage of my vulnerabilities, often turning nasty.

I limit my definition of 'online friends' too, because of that very problem.

Many years ago, I made a male friend who became someone I was close to. I could talk to him, go for coffee with him, and I had made a friend who was a true friend.

I was happy, because it had been a very long time since I had made a friend like that.

However, rumours started circulating, which caused problems in his marriage.

His wife was already vulnerable with her own problems. She was a very sensitive person, though she was also a very lovely young woman.

These rumours made both my friend and his wife very depressed, and I had to support them both through it.

I am very lucky that my friendship survived, and that those rumours didn't destroy their marriage over something deeply hurtful to all of us, and completely untrue.

I'm not someone who makes friends easily. I tend to shy away from it because I got hurt by friends and relationships in my traumatic past.

Now, I have been writing on Vocal for a very long time.

There is a male writer on here whom I really like, and I read his work and comment a lot.

We have never met in person or had any deep conversations, but I can really resonate with his work, and he is very friendly in the comments section.

I've also learned that this person loves music as much as I do, because most of his writing features music, which I think is a brilliant way of writing a story.

I want to pursue this friendship and find out more, and my husband thinks I should too.

I don't necessarily have to ask for permission to be friends with anyone, whether male or female, from my husband. He worked in an environment that was dominated by women, and most of his friends are women, so he gets where I am coming from.

I needed his advice, as I was too nervous to go for it because it appears to be the perception that being friends with the opposite sex is wrong.

An old traditional perception that used to be a thing many long decades ago, and needs to change because it does not take into account that people can be friends without something happening, or consider sexuality.

Maybe I shouldn't be friends with either female or male, because I could easily end up involved in an affair with both?

It is a truth that there are friendships can lead to more, regardless of gender.

However, it depends on a person's boundaries and whether or not they want it to lead to more.

Upholding boundaries in friendship is just as important as upholding them in a relationship.

People can have crushes, and they can fall in love. It doesn't mean they have to act on it. Nobody is forcing their hands, and they are responsible for upholding their own boundaries.

The question for me is, will I pursue this friendship?

Maybe I should, because I know it has a lot of potential.

However, that depends on how the other person sees things, and I do not want to cause any awkwardness.

I do think that it is time that people understood that marriage is not a barrier to friends, and there is no rule anywhere that says 'you can't be friends with other men or women, once you are married.

It is just speculation. It is how society sees things, not a golden rule book.