I'm not angry

Life has not always been easy, nor has it been a bowl of cheerios. Coming from a time when being different could cost you everything. Losing my family's love and support, having my dreams squashed for a time, all because I discovered who I am, not what I am. Having to learn how to survive in a city that was once my friend.

Never dreaming of selling my body would become my 9-5, having the police harass me, being raped and beaten, and not hospitalized because of me being in my skin. My group had changed. I was metamorphosing my true potential in the far distance,and I was my youthful madness.

What choices did I have, and I had many I did not know it yet. My world was in transition, and it was quickly adapt or die literally. I POSITIONED MYSELF TO BLEND, to look and act like everyone else, but I was not, or was I?

This transition was a long and tumultuous ride, smelling roses and drinking vinegar along the way. Going over bumps tackling hurdles as they came, and they did come.

I began to see myself in other people's faces, and I would eventually be accepted, I thought.

I was becoming comfortable, and this made me uneasy, it had to be more, I knew there were more like me, and so I transitioned yet again. I was bigger than me.

My struggles are your struggles, My skin is your skin, my life is your life, so now that I am not angry, I embrace how uniquely the same we are.

No, I am not angry or bitter, my existence has given me purpose, the drive for change not only for a better me, but for a better us.

This is what makes me uniquely qualified because I see me in you and you in myself.

I believe we together can translate the message of hate and bigotry into one of unity and tolerance.

Yes, it started decades with me thinking only about myself ,but now here and presently, I have come to realize my super uniqueness is US.

Every time that first walk of shame down the CTA red line, overpass, what would follow would be an indicator of my life to was to develop up until this point. Everything I was taught, everything I thought I knew about me, my life, and the people I knew and would encounter would be challenged, questioned, and revised. To come up with my understanding of the world around me, I would have to draw my conclusions on how to maneuver into this blossoming womanhood.

The walk I take everyday is more than feet on pavement it is my journey. The sidewalks my platform. As I look back on it as my springboard of what my life would be—the path of surviving, adjusting, and maintaining my sanity.

Every time I walk out of the house, I am on stage, and the world is my audition—unknown faces my audience, my critics. I would learn not to be bashful(one of those female assumed character defects that characterize the female persona). I would express myself unapologetically and unabashedly as these are character traits of what it means to be a woman also, but generally overlooked because it shows strength. God knows we as women are not identifying with this part of myself.

I would learn to become comfortable in my skin, and I would remember that anything worth having never comes easy.

I would learn through trials and more errors to master my emotions. I would eventually learn not to be callous, angry, and insensitive to the needs of others; on the contrary, I would learn to be cautious and to acknowledge if there is to be change, it would be starting with me, and in me, I would have to demand the spotlight on this stage I called the world and mold it to my understanding for others to understand me.

I would learn to be observant, and like myself, I realized everyone has their uniqueness, yet this being different is what makes us similar me similar to you, this is what makes me human that walk oh that walk would show me the ugliness that is out there I would see joy accomplishments and pain and sorrow.

I would learn to reinvent myself. I have learned that I'm vulnerable and secure at the same time not to be a victim of my environment., to bob and weave between obstacles.

Uncertainties welcome clarity, and in time, this clarity of self would make me realize that i'm more significant than myself.

Knowing oneself is to know that it’s not just about me. Still, it is about us as a collective. It is about us taking life’s lessons that has catapulted me with a sense of sharing, sharing that society can be cruel and unforgiving if you allow it. I have learned not to be put into someone else's box of who they think I should be and act like a woman. I have learned I have options. I am more than a mere spectator of my life, and I have learned humility and love without expecting anything in return.

I have learned to be so assertive and want to pay it forward. That is where I am, and this is what my life'swalk has taught me. to be uniquely a variant of society that has always been here in clear sight I AM YOU, AND YOU ARE ME ,AND ME IS WE AND, WE &ARE US.