I’m Going Through a Huge Writer's Block Right Now

I can’t write. Not more than a couple of words. It’s frustrating and frankly, I’m not sure what can I do to escape.

I know what got me here, though. It’s more complex than “I stopped writing and I lost my rhythm”.

Actually, It’s so hard to write those words right now. I feel forced, but I have to do this.

When I wrote a story about writing in the days you don't want to, it was different.

Now I have to write this in order to change the game. To show me what’s wrong. The things that I ignore to pay attention to. I’m a huge fan of the phrase “Ignorance is bliss”, but today I need to face my demons. If this story is my wake up call, so be it. I hope that you can get something along the way as well.

The reasons I have writer's block are two. Changeable and non-changeable.

The non-changeable reasons are creating a loop with the changeable ones and they are gaining the power to keep that block up.

I know that if I want to at least help myself a little bit, I need to remove the changeable reasons.

I will write them down, and see if by analyzing them I can make some changes in my life. Let me start with the non-changeable reasons.

Non-changeable Reasons

Parents

Some months ago, I wrote my most personal story ever so far, “Sorry Mother but I Can’t Love You”. To this day, nothing changed.

She only proves my point once again. Her obsession with keeping the house clean (way more than you can imagine), discomforts me to a point that I’m getting angry with her.

And the fact that she gets super easily angry, makes me even angrier. It’s frustrating.

She also wants me to do something with my life, but not sit behind the desk either. How the F am I gonna write if I can’t write??

She isn't working, so I get no time for myself either. I’m doomed to be here till I make enough money to leave, but I can’t make enough money to leave if she blocks my way.

My dad, on the other hand, works. But he drinks when he is at home. A human being that I can’t make a proper conversation with. Great. I know my mother destroyed him, but it’s pointless to bring that up now.

Lockdown

As if being with my mother all day long wasn't enough, lockdown is there to make sure I stay at home for most of the day.

It’s like lockdown is a person who looks at me and says “HA! I don't believe you want to go out when you can stay 24/7 in your house. Who needs freedom and a new environment to shake things up?”

And I do need that…A lot. I need to change my routine just a little tiny bit.

I tried adding to my day, but it’s now not enough.

I tried paying attention to the details, to find HOPE, but I need more than that now.

Limitations

I respect the values of family and my family expects me to be a part of it, so I need to comply.

Eating with them, doing activities with them. It’s okay, I need that too as well. But it gets too much as well. I lack the flexibility I need to comprehend the situation.

Changeable Reasons

Routine

In order to create traction, I need to maintain a routine in my life. It's how I can keep my life-train in motion.

I failed to take my own advice seriously, and look where it got me. I’m blaming myself because I am the reason for this block.

I will force myself to shift my routine. I need to take advantage of the 21-day rule to maintain a new habit.

Apparently, the routine is the Alpha and the Omega of the ways I can change my life and remove my writer’s block at this point.

Books

But not any random kind of books.

I got into stoicism lately. It’s the most important philosophy I could, at the right moment in time.

I need that, as stoics are showing people how to live a life when they can’t change things. How to co-op with life in those sad moments.

Write more, for the sake of relief

I will stop writing meaningless stories, on topics that are trending on Medium. I started this month with the belief that I can gain more views if I write a writing tips story every day. But that makes me unhappy.

I didn't last on being fake. I wanna last on being real.

Less technology, clearer mind

I wrote my best story ever due to the fact that I didn't use technology, what an irony.

I got too preoccupied with technology that I feel it in me. I’m getting dumber. I need to shift this stupid habit of being on the phone all day, so I will be offline more. Me and my thoughts were always better, after all.

Final Thoughts

I wrote this story, okay. Now what?

Am I feeling better? Yes.

Am I still on writer’s block? Yes.

But I feel better. And one step is one step. I can’t stay still anymore. Grabbing life on my hands seems the only way to escape this labyrinth I put myself in.

I hope that you earned something out of this.

We are all different, and our lives are not the same, not even a little.

But we can all share stories for others to learn from. And I intend to do just that. Share.

What about you?

Originally published on Medium