I Hope They Serve Wine in Purgatory

"You ever been to Ginelli's before?" I asked Shay.

"No," she shook her head, "but I heard a rumor that it was run by..." she paused to chuckle, "goblins?"

I let myself cackle before I turned the engine to life in my car, and glanced at Shay.

"Yeah. Goblins."

* * *

I wish I had been kidding. The signs of goblin activity were evident from the parking lot of Ginelli's.

It was a nice little place, big enough to seat maybe eight people with all the tables full. The walls were brick, the windows were arch-style with black accented sills, and the parking lot looked like it needed some help. There was more than one pothole, but I did my best to avoid them.

The brick work on the place was also questionable, with a few scar-esque cracks on the walls. It was still standing though, so I figured the goblins here weren't as war-driven as their ancestors.

I thought myself lucky to find a spot that wasn't to far from the front doors. The place was very busy, almost packed full on, and I got out of the car with a grunt.

Shay and I walked from the car straight to the front door, not wasting any time. We were both hungry, and talked about more than one kind of food on the way. I did learn that her mother was a gifted witch who still lived in America, and Shay had come to Ireland to find a job as a detective. She did so successfully, and her career could back up the last four years of work she had done on the force.

I had never dated a detective, and she admitted she'd never dated a monster hunter. We weren't an uncommon breed in Ireland, or many other places from what I've heard; we weren't hard to find if you needed us.

Now, if you thought of short green monsters, you'd be half right. Goblins can have varying tones of green skin, and I've seen pictures of white or albino goblins. They have sharp teeth, will eat almost anything that isn't metal or wood, and love to make noise. Naturally, Ginelli's was loud when we stepped inside to be seated.

The hostess that took our order had horns on her head and a nose ring big enough to be Andre the Giant's wedding band. She took us through the restaurant, where we could hear goblins taking orders from the right side as we walked on the left. The place had a bar in the front just behind the hostess stand, and tables a plenty running down both the left and right side.

The kitchen seemed to be set up in the very back, and Shay and I caught a glimpse of what looked like controlled chaos just before sitting down. The kitchen door swung open as Goblin came trotting out with a tray of drinks, and from inside I saw a host of goblins throwing together, literally, dishes of food. The kitchen door swung, and I watched one goblin whip a knife across a make station at other goblin, who ducked the attack.

We were given a booth seat near the back of the restaurant, and Shay and I sat down. No sooner had the hostess turned around to tromp away was our server standing just behind us. He was just tall enough to look over the table, and his slightly hooked nose almost touched the tabletop.

"What ya drinking?!" he almost demanded an answer out of us.

"Uh..." I paused to think, "a rum and coke!" I spoke up, thinking I needed to.

The goblin looked at Shay after he gave me an upturned-nose scowl.

"I'll take a Duck Horn Merlot!" Shay said with gusto.

"Good choice!" the goblin squawked back, "look at the menu and I'll be back!"

He turned to slink away then, much more graceful than the server goblin had. I took a second to look over the dinning room, and watching a goblin with a tray in both hands, held one over the other. It was loaded with dishes, and as he stopped at a table just behind ours, he lowered one tray. Instead of putting the other down, however, he tipped the trap and slid all the plates onto the table. The family at the table all leaned back, a father's eyes widening as he surely thought his food would end up his new pants.

It didn't, however, and all the plates stopped on the smooth wooden table without fail. The goblin pulled up the tray, then tipped the second tray onto the table in the same fashion. Another two plates of food graced the table, and a basket of bread was the last thing to follow.

"Enjoy!" I heard him exclaim before he whisked up the other tray, then gave the family a small bow.

I looked back at Shay, but she was fixated on the same spectacle I had been. She turned her head, no doubt to ask if I had seen that, then smiled wide when she saw I was already looked back her way.

"That was very fucking impressive!" she said over the noise.

"I'll say yer right!" I said as I smiled at her.

* * *

Dinner was a spectacle to behold. Our food was slid of of trays and onto our table like everyone else's was, and it was fucking fantastic. I had three rum and cokes, and Shay put away four glasses of Merlot. I tasted her wine, though it was a "special occasion" drink for me, and it was very well made.

At one point during dinner I turned around, and Shay leaned her head out so that we could both watch a goblin cook come bargaining out of the kitchen, throwing his apron at another goblin who came out of the kitchen right behind the first one. Heads turned to watch him storm out as he shouted curses at the kitchen, the other goblin who followed after him giving the first goblin the middle finger.

The goblin cook walked all the way out of the restaurant, we assumed, because he didn't come back.

Shay and I both ate our meals, the goblin server came back to snatch the cash I used to pay, and that was almost it. The night wasn't over, as Shay and I stood up from the table to leave the restaurant. She finished the last drink of her fourth glass, and I had to catch her as she pressed her heeled feet into the floor. She giggled and I held onto her arm, but she looked at me as she took another step.

We were moving back for the front door by then, dinner seeming to be over just as soon as it had started. I moved my hands to take Shay's over arm, and she held onto my bicep as we were moving back for the door.

"That was fucking wild!" she exclaimed to me as we walked.

"I'd come in a 'artbeat!" I said with a grin.

I was drunk, but not to drunk to drive home. I knew my limit, and it was four drinks. Six drinks if I wasn't going anywhere.

We came back through the lobby, the goblin acting as hostess yelling at us,

"Come back again Humans!"

I turned around to wave at her, and Shay waved my hand away, batting playfully at me. We were both drunk, but we'd had a dam good time. We opened the front door, and then stepped back outside into the cool night air.

"Ok, now where'd I park?" I asked the night sky.

Shay only pointed into the parking lot then said,

"over theeree!" in a sing-song voice.

"Oh, yeah there she is!" I pointed where Shay had, leaning over to close one eye, "right there!"

Shay laughed as she turned to look at me, and I smiled at her, a sheepish grin on my red face.

We stood unevenly a moment, then I said,

"Ok little lamb, let's take you home!"

"It's not my bedtime though!" she frowned at me, and I giggled.

"I'll drop ye off right at the daar!" I giggled again.

"Yaay!" Shay held onto my arm as she started walking to the parking lot from the curb.

I followed after her, the two of us stumbling into the sea of cars to reach my own. I hadn't gone out like that in a while, and I had enjoyed myself.

Shay held onto my arm all the while it took us to get to my car, and it made my heart flutter it's little wings. I might have liked Shay, and she was certainly good company.

"Your a real card, you know that?" she said as we reached my car.

"Oh," I looked at her, smiling drunkenly, "ya have no idear."