I Held the Door Open For A Man Today!

Do you know what I did today?

I opened a door for myself, and there was a man walking behind me. So I held the door open for him too.

You heard that right!

I HELD the door — OPEN — and allowed a man to walk through it…

I need you guys to understand this. I didn’t hold the door CLOSED.

Nope. I held it OPEN.

Behind this miniature man was his opposite. A giant man in scrubs and doctor gear (I was at the hospital).

He was heading my way, and you know what I did?

I held the door OPEN again!

Not CLOSED. I need to make this clear. I held it OPEN.

O-P-E-N.

Now, I demand cunnilingus for my services!

I did the very difficult, mentally taxing task of holding the door OPEN.

Not CLOSED. I just want to make sure I’ve painted the picture for you.

OPEEEN.

I believe I am owed sexual gratification for that now.

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You know what else I did?

One time when I was standing on line waiting to enter a bus, and there was a man in front of me.

I allowed the man, who was in front of me, to continue being in front of me.

Undisturbed by my womanly presence.

He then boarded the bus, and I followed after him.

This is a new system I developed called “he was here FIRST.”

I invented it.

I have been practicing it for many years now.

Then there was the time a man said hello to me, and I replied:

“Hello.”

Why have I not been orally pleasured yet?

Fine gratitude, this is!

Do I need to repeat my list of accomplishments again?

Like that time I held the door OPEN…for a MAN?

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“OHMERGERSH!!! I HELD THE DOOR OPEN FOR A WOMAN AND SHE DIDNT — !!!!!!!!!!” slams himself into a wall in a rage “EVEN ACKNOWKEDGE — ” slams himself even harder into a wall. Tumbles to the floor and rolls “MY EXISTENCE! THE SELFISH B***H!!” slams himself again and explodes.

I will never do anything nice for a woman again!

This man is a lesser being than me.

I don’t throw fits, because I was not given what the male gender owes me for my kind generosity.

I wait patiently for my cunnilingus.

Financial compensation would also suffice.

However, I feel my brother's pain now.

We are on the same team, guys.

I, too, am an amazing human being. That opens doors for people behind me.

It is actually a habit.

I didn’t even think to demand compensation for being a decent human being until I heard certain men complaining about it.

Where I’m from, women open doors for men and men open doors for women, and everyone just keeps the door open for whoever is behind them.

Perhaps this is a regional thing?

What would the women where you come from do if you didn’t open the doors for them? Die?