I had a DREAM

I had a dream of a loving husband and family. A dream that I hoped one day would come true. When I met my daughters dad, I fell in love. I fell for a man who would never love me in return. A man who cheated and lied. When I got pregnant, he fled. That man broke me and I can no longer believe that the man of my dreams exist. I watch all these romance movies and think, why can’t I have a man like that. Lately, I have been watching Fifty shades on repeat because the love that Ana and Christian have for each other, I long for that kind of love. Christian Grey loves Ana endlessly and is an example of the perfect man, not because he is rich but because he does everything he can to love Ana and respect her. He surprises her, he does things for her.

I have come to realize that anybody can long for this love. It is movie love, love that only exists in the movies. I have realized over the years that I long for a love that was made up. Another made up love, like Nathan and Haley from One Tree Hill. Love like these exist only in fairy tales. I know, I know, somebody else to write about sappy love stories and how they wish they could find love like this. Stupid, right? I am stupid to think that I could find a man to love me like the men in these shows and movies. I dream of men like Christian Grey and Nathan Scott. I dream of love and happiness, of finding someone to respect me and respect and love my daughter the same.

In these shows, the love is endless and the respect is shown through love. They build a family and the happiness they long for exists. Does that happiness exist in real life? Does that love exist? Do you spend life searching for that love or does that love find you? When love finds you, what do you do with it? I long for answers to these questions, for the happiness and love I watch on tv. I long for a man to love me the way I see in my shows and movies. In an episode of One Tree Hill, Haley is depressed after the loss of her mother and Nathan does everything he can to take care of her, her friends do what they can to help her.

We spend years and countless time trying to build relationships that last. Relationships that mean something and in this countless time I think some of us forget that we have to build a relationship with ourselves too. A relationship meaningful enough to get us through the bad times and pick us up in the hard times. Do these relationships exist or are we just pretending?

Are we living in a fantasy world thinking that the loves in romance novels and movies could happen in real life? I believe that the romance in movies is real and that if I believe hard enough, I will find a love like this one day. I want a Fifty shades of grey relationship, not the whips and chains but the way he loves her and vows to always protect her and keep her safe. The way he treats her like a queen and she treats him like her king. The way they hurt for each other and with each other. When she defies him and almost gets hurt because of it, he was mad her and she taught him that revenge is not love. She teaches him things that he could have only learned from their love. This is love and I want it.