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I Found Out That My Boyfriend Is On Tinder

Temptations, crises and new partnerships to meet the challenges of the technological age.

By HowToFind .comPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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I Found Out That My Boyfriend Is On Tinder
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Social networks change the way we relate to each other, but the changes are so fast that we don't even think about new rules of etiquette to know what should be done in one case or another. That's why when a friend recently told me that she saw my boyfriend in Tinder, the truth is that I didn't get angry out of jealousy.

I was outraged that other people had also seen his profile thinking that I was being cheated on. I was angry at his sloppiness, just as I am when he leaves her slippers lying in the middle of the living room. The worst thing is I couldn't tell him anything because... I'm still in Tinder too.

We met through this dating network and you could say that it is an app to meet people, a space of temptation. But if you really distrust your partner... isn't it equally dangerous for him to have Facebook, go to the gym, the office or be on the street?

I think Tinder is the most fun online game, which is even better than spying on our exes' lives on Facebook, making fun of their new partners or partying internally because we think they're doing worse than we are (don't come to me and say you don't because I don't believe you).

TINDER

Some examples of profiles can be that of a 36-year-old man who took a picture of himself in his underwear and cut off his head saying "I don't put pictures of my face until my old lady leaves Tinder". I'd love to know if mommy's little boy got a match for that tempting offer.

Or another who came up with the phrase "I'm looking for a girlfriend who is faithful, understanding, willing to share, not like the last one..." and who made me laugh out loud on a subway ride imagining what kind of therapeutic companion might want to date him.

But the question was whether my boyfriend was in Tinder because he wanted to change me or, even worse, to have some kind of parallel relationship. In my head, I was already practicing making a scene. If you are a man and read this note, now you know why we won so many arguments: yes, we rehearsed them before.

"The market is not for single women," they tell me, and I absolutely refuse to settle for anyone for fear of being alone. And while I was coming home angry, I wondered if I had made a mistake with my dear boyfriend. Because sometimes, especially at the beginning of a relationship, we look at our new men through a sieve of exaggerated creativity, where a dunce is a sea of possibilities that were not developed by the most diverse excuses and that range from the fact that his father treated him badly when he was little, the family never supported him, he was unlucky or he is a genius who really doesn't know how to organize himself.

That's how many women put themselves in a blind spot, from which all their intelligence is put on hold and from that moment on, they have only one oaf for two cold feet, and no matter how much we spin it, there is always a part that feels unsatisfied no matter how much time and effort we put into "improving" it.

It's like buying a house to be remodeled: you get it cheaper and you think you are going to have it entirely made to measure, until the roof falls on your head and you realize you made the worst investment of your life.

Therapy

By Sincerely Media on Unsplash

I also remembered a therapy session where I said to my psychologist: "I want to meet a normal man" and she, adjusting her cravings and raising her eyebrows, replied: "And what is a normal man? In my anger I said, "one who's not an idiot," but I kept thinking about this normal thing and whether I really wanted one of those.

Finally I came home and instead of fighting, we talked about what we expected from each other regarding social networks in general, and so we came to an agreement on several items, which every now and then change as our lives change.

It is true that there is always a moment in every relationship in which, no matter how much love you have for him, you look at him and think "what am I doing with this idiot" but that moment passes and we continue to build together a normality that we do not know if it is normal, but it is surely ours.

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