I Am 38 Years Old, I Am Alone and So Happy

Today's society sees romantic relationships and marriage as an indicator of success without which a person's life is incomplete. No one has the right to judge a person's desire to marry or to be left alone.

Modern society puts too much pressure on single people, trying to get them involved in a permanent relationship. The outcome?

These people get involved in relationships that don't live up to expectations. A single person always feels the need to justify his choice. Why do we have to apologize for being alone?

It is not a shame to want to be alone or to decide that in marriage your life will be the happiest. The main thing is that this decision is one of its own and assumed, but not the result of external pressure.

Western civilization is fascinated by the idea of ​​so-called "romantic love." I grew up with fairy tales, books, and movies with a happy ending, where two lovers walk hand in hand on a white beach and are illuminated only by the rays of the sun or the moon. He lifted her into his arms, she rested her head on his shoulder, then kissed.

And they live happily ever after. Romantic love is very attractive and evokes in our minds the image of pure and emotional closeness that we feel when the passion for the loved one elevates us above all desires. Romantic love is a pure unlimited and infinitely deep passion that brings two lovers together. But where does this concept come from?

The concept of romantic love has not existed since the beginning of time. Yes, people got married and lived together, but they did it for pragmatic reasons. They did not seek to find unusual happiness in marriage. It was more like a partnership for common survival and procreation. A partnership based on feelings of romantic love is quite possible.

But we must not be mistaken that this is the natural thing in our relationships, that this is exactly what will happen to us. Only a certain percentage of romantic relationships are successful by the standards of romantic love. But really, should this be a problem?

The specter of love is an unreal standard and we get upset when our relationship is not the same. The romantic relationships we create today are not at all inferior and problematic. The problem is society, which has turned love statistics into a standard by which we measure the success of personal relationships.

Loneliness can also be romantic. The success of a relationship does not depend on certain standards. We need to live as we please, with people we like, without rushing to get involved in long-term relationships or having many children.

By choosing to be alone, we can experience true romantic love, we remain realistic, but at the same time, we are open to romantic love if it ever appears in our lives.

Choosing to be alone, we are more interested in real things and the fullness of emotional connections, we are left with our feet on the ground. We are already ready for real romantic love.

To connect in a romantic relationship with a permanent partner, to learn to love in any situation, no matter what happens, we must be truly emotionally mature. We need the same emotional maturity to realize how difficult it is to feel in a romantic relationship.

A romantic relationship is not something that happens to us magically, effortlessly. People get involved in relationships with several different expectations, most of which are very difficult to meet. We become emotionally naked in front of our partner, revealing all his mistakes and flaws and in our turn, we have to accept his mistakes and flaws.

As single people, we have the freedom to focus on personal growth and self-awareness. We have the space to get to know each other and understand what we want from life. We have the opportunity to work on our development as truly emotionally mature people.

When we are in a relationship with someone, it is not as easy to do all these things. We have to make compromises, to sacrifice a part of ourselves for the relationship we want to form with another person.

When we are alone we have more opportunities to build strong friendships with several people, because the social status of a single person contributes to the increase in the number of social connections with other people.

When we are not in a family, we have more free time to develop the most valuable friendships. The unique status offers us more opportunities to strengthen and deepen our understanding of ourselves. We learn to be responsible for our actions and to live a full life without the need for a partner to complement us.

Charles Bukowski wrote: "There are worse things than being alone. But it often takes decades to understand this. And more often than not, when you realize this, it's too late. And it's worse than being too late. "

To have a healthy romantic relationship, we need to get rid of the old, toxic one. We need to build a healthy and satisfying relationship with ourselves. If we do not have this relationship, we are more likely to develop toxic patterns in our relationships.

There is a certain pressure from society on single people to procreate. It's nice to have children at some point in our lives. But if we allow this pressure to lead us into a relationship while we are not ready for it, it will not end well, no matter how strong the biological pressure.

If our time to have children ends, but we still haven't found the right person to truly love, there is the option of using a sperm bank and having children without having to enter into a relationship. Or we can call for adoption. Or we may accept that we may not have our children.

At first, it may be difficult to accept this, but we are open to many new opportunities and adventures. The world will not end. Most likely we will start attracting new people into our lives, who look to the future more open and unconventional, who will bring new opportunities in our lives.

Many people fall into the trap of society and build a family, even if they are not prepared for it. But we should never enter into a relationship just because it is necessary, just because everyone does it or because their parents, friends, neighbors insist. It does not mean that we will be left alone until the end of our days.

We don't know what tomorrow will bring. It is very possible to meet the wonderful person who shares our ideals of independence and freedom and we will both decide that romantic relationships can open a new page in the book of our lives. We must truly love ourselves before anyone else can love us.