How to Take the Stress Out of Valentine's Day with Your Partner

Celebrating a holiday about love sounds fun, but how often does it end up being more stressful than pleasurable? Whether it’s your first year, fifth year, or fifteenth year together, Valentine’s Day tends to be stressful for one reason or another. It could be the cost, the pressure of impressing this person you care for, or the stress of not knowing exactly what would make your partner happy.

To make matters worse, you just need to walk into CVS or Walmart to see how commercialized Valentine’s Day is. Though candy and card companies would have you think otherwise, your V Day will be a lot more pleasant and a lot more romantic if you drop some of those “traditional” elements of the holiday.

Not everyone really cares about cards or wants gifts.

Do you actually need a stuffed teddy bear holding a heart? It might be nice, but it’s certainly not the most romantic gesture in the world. Something as simple as holding your partner’s hand when they’re cold can be a lot more romantic than a gift that consumerism tells you is romantic and meaningful.

Finding real romance when celebrating V Day with your partner usually requires more thought than it does money. There are a lot of different ways you can actually enjoy Valentine’s Day this year rather than have it be another stressful holiday.

Celebrate within your means.

Racking up credit card debt isn’t romantic.

Whether it’s a new relationship or you’ve been together for a few years, you don’t want to turn a happy, romantic day into a financial nightmare. If you’re stressed out about spending a ton of money on a romantic getaway, gifts, or a fancy day out on the town, remember that spending money doesn’t equate to having a meaningful Valentine’s Day.

Do something special, but figure out something that is special but also meets your budget. It could be making a gourmet, three-course dinner at home; it’ll cost a heck of a lot less than going out to a fancy restaurant.

You have to be a little more creative if you’re operating on a budget. Instead of buying a bouquet of flowers, see if you can go on a hike somewhere and pick wildflowers together.

Personal touches are more memorable than empty gifts.

If you live somewhere too cold for wildflowers, there are still plenty of romantic gestures that will mean the world to your partner. Arrange a heart with your initials with candles and surprise your partner by taking them to it.

Think about what you can do, what you can afford, and what your partner will appreciate.

Make your hopes for the holiday clear to your partner.

Like all facets of a relationship…communication is always important, even on Valentine’s Day. I know, this doesn’t sound all that sexy.

Even if you want to surprise your partner with your plans, you can talk about it well in advance to get some ideas about what they really want out of what Hallmark wants you to believe is the most romantic day of the year.

Even when you love someone, holidays can have a little trial and error.

I’ve had some funny trial and error with my partner and Valentine’s Day. Our first V Day was great, second and third were a bit mediocre, and the fourth was delightful.

The biggest reason why that second and third V Days were mediocre was that we didn’t communicate what we wanted to each other clearly enough. I tend not to voice everything I want out of a holiday because I’m not used to asking for things. I’m afraid to come off as sounding demanding or entitled.

I’ve struggled to think of voicing my thoughts and feelings as valid things to communicate. I’ve always seen it as being selfish, even when it really wasn’t because I was doing something to reciprocate the kindness being shown to me. I didn’t want to tell my partner that I cared most about experiences and making memories together because I was worried it’d just sound like I wanted an expensive vacation. You can work around so many problems with communication.

Try not to project your desires onto your partner.

One year, I bought him a video game and he took me out to dinner. We both had a nice time but it wasn’t all that memorable. It wasn’t very personalized or intimate.

Another year, I wrote a poem for him and he got me chocolate-covered strawberries. Nice gestures, but he’s really not that into poetry and chocolate is cool, but again, it just wasn’t that memorable.

We did nice things for each other, but they were things we thought the other would like. Not things we knew the other would like, which we could have learned if we just talked more about what we each wanted out of V Day.

This year, we celebrated early (to save money and make it fit the budget) and went away for one night, stayed at a hotel, drank cheap but delicious wine, had a bubble bath, and focused on the experience. It was the best Valentine’s Day we’ve had since our first year together.

We both enjoyed ourselves since we did something that we both wanted.

Don’t overdo it; make sure you have time to relax.

You need to rest and relax on V Day, too.

This might seem slightly at odds with some other pieces of advice since some things do take a solid amount of effort. The key thing is to put the effort in without leaving yourself exhausted at the end of the day.

For example, maybe don’t plan a long drive, a romantic walk in the park, a romantic climb up to some sort of sightseeing location, go ice skating on top of that, and rush to make your dinner reservation on time.

Make fun plans that you both are on board with, but don’t do so much that you’re going to be utterly sweaty and exhausted by the end of it. Don’t schedule things so closely together that it’s going to be hard to get from one place to another. Take the day at a pace you’ll both enjoy.

If you overdo it, you’re both going to be too tired by the end of the day to enjoy each other’s company.

Remember that sentimental value has more power than paper currency.

This might sound hammy, but it’s Valentine’s Day. If I can have my ham and eat it too, this is the week to do it. Sometimes, doing something really romantic like recreating your first date can mean so much more than going on an expensive weekend getaway and eating at fancy restaurants that cost a good chunk of your paycheck.

Think about what romantic gestures have meant the most to your partner over the months or years you’ve been together.

It’s the little things that are truly romantic and reminds us why we love our partners so much. When you remember something, it’s showing that you listen. When you do something small that you know your partner will like, it’s showing that you care.

It can be hard to make Valentine’s Day special. It can be doubly hard if you’ve already seen some of the less romantic parts of living together. It’s especially hard to surprise someone when you live together.

I always feel a little silly writing about romantic topics since I’ve been with my partner for nearly eight years. Our initial romance may have happened a while ago. But I like to step out of my comfort zone and write about these things because we still find ways to be romantic.

If you talk about it and plan it out, it’s entirely possible for you to have a romantic Valentine’s Day with your partner. It doesn’t have to be overly stressful or ridiculously expensive. The most important thing is giving your time, attention, thought, and affection to your partner.