How to Overcome a Breakup

A few years ago, I thought I'd found the one. He seemed sweet, kind, and he had goals. As time passed, I discovered he wasn't the man I'd thought he was. I was unhappy, but I feel ashamed to admit that I hadn't picked a winner. I knew we weren't right for each other, but I couldn't bring myself to end the relationship because I still loved him. When we eventually broke up, it hurt.

I, like many others before me, turned to the internet for help and advice. I found lots of advice, both good and bad, but I've decided to share what helped me the most throughout the difficult process.

Treat the breakup like it's permanent.

We all know those couples who've broken up a million times only to get back together and go through the process again. Sometimes it works out for the best, but most of the time it doesn't. While most of us will miss the relationship that we once had, it's best to treat it like it's permanent and start moving on.

There's a reason you didn't work out, and your relationship would be destined for failure if you got back together before you fixed those issues.

Block or delete their phone number

Whenever I mention this step to anyone who's still grieving their former relationship, they always ask why. It's human nature to want your former loved one to reach out, but is really what's best for you? As soon as they reach out to you, all the progress you made after the breakup is gone and they're back at the forefront of your feelings. Why would you let them have this power over you? Block them, or only reach out on your terms.

Delete all your pictures featuring them

Imagine you're having a good day. You're not thinking about your former significant other at all. You grab your phone only to be reminded that the two of you went to the zoo a year ago. A wave of sadness hits you as you click the link to visit your former love's profile. You see that he's moved on and has his arms wrapped around the waist of another woman. You're devastated, and a wound opens once more, but you would never have looked at his profile at all if not for seeing the old picture featuring the two of you.

Unfortunately, the only way to be 100 percent certain you won't stumble across his picture is to delete it. I know you'll pause before hitting the delete button, but the only reasons to keep the pictures are if you have children together or plan to be friends. A picture from a previous relationship could also stop you from moving on if the person you're interested in assumes that you're in a relationship or still have feelings for your ex. Sometimes, seeing the picture can even rekindle those feelings, so it's best to delete them and leave the past where it belongs.

Focus on yourself

The best way to stop focusing on your broken heart is to focus on yourself. It could be a change as small as working out every day, or as big as learning a new skill or focusing on a forgotten hobby. Whatever you decide to focus on, you'll be adding value to yourself.

Rekindle your love of the things you gave up

Years ago, there was a show called Comic Book Men that used to come on after The Walking Dead. I used to half-watch it while I did other things. There was one customer who stood out to me. He had just broken up with his girlfriend and was looking for help locating action figures he used to collect. He said that he had originally sold them to a comic bookstore they disgusted because his girlfriend. He was rebuying them because it was a hobby that he loved that he'd given up for her.

About a year later, I did the same thing by giving up my love of reading for my boyfriend. He never asked me to give up reading, but he would always come in the room with me whenever I was trying to get into a good book, and he would interrupt me, so I had to give up on my hobby. It took a long time before I could read a book again, but I'm grateful that I could pick up the hobby again.

Don't contact them

The urge to see how they're doing may seem impossible to resist, but checking up on them could undo all the progress you make in getting over them. Would it make you happy to see that they've moved on and are happier without you? What if the opposite happens and they claim they miss you and have made a mistake, but the two of you were toxic together? Remember, there's a reason that you broke up and there's no reason to revisit the past.

Get away if you can

A change of scenery can mean the world to someone who needs to take their mind off something. Take a vacation if you can afford it or go to a local place that you don't visit often. A change of scenery will get your mind off your ex and have you experiencing new things.

Ask yourself what you liked about them

When I broke up with my ex, I remember him asking me what I liked about him. I told him I enjoyed watching movies and playing video games with him and he immediately said that I could do that with anyone. His words hurt, but now I realize that there wasn't anything about him I couldn't receive from being in a relationship with someone else. There was nothing special about him.

Take it one day at a time.

Taking it one day at a time is the best thing you can do in your healing process. It's okay that you're sad or even depressed sometimes, you just went through a major life change! The people who care about you know that you're going through a difficult time and will be there to support you. Just remember, some days you'll be okay, but others you won't. It's fine to feel however you're feeling during your healing process. Just remember that the pain is only temporary.

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