How to Love Your Body in a Relationship: 9 Steps to Feeling Amazing In Your Own Skin

As a plus-size woman, I understand exactly how it feels to be insecure about your body. I spent years feeling inadequate, not enough, and completely unworthy. I had to work hard to overcome those feelings. And I won’t lie and say that I never feel them these days. Sometimes they come back. But I’ve learned how to spend more time feeling good about myself than bad.

No one likes to be in a relationship with someone who is insecure. There’s nothing worse than when you think your partner doesn’t like the way you look, and the insecurity starts rolling downhill – especially if you already feel bad about yourself. But here’s the thing: feeling amazing in your own skin doesn’t have to be hard. We all have insecurities that we need to work on, but it doesn’t have to feel bad. Find out how with these nine steps!

Be kind to yourself

Everyone struggles with insecurity. It’s normal to feel a little less than confident sometimes, so try not to take it too hard. That said, there are times when we do need to recognize our insecurities and work on them.

The most important thing for you is to be kind to yourself. No one should have to feel like they aren’t enough because of how they look or how other people are feeling about them. So start by being kind first and foremost, then work on your confidence!

Practice self-care

It can be hard to find the time when you're living a busy life, but taking care of yourself is essential. To start, try practicing self-care exercises like meditating or journaling. These are just a few ways to begin taking better care of yourself, and you may find that they give you more energy and help you feel calmer.

Some other great self-care exercises are cooking healthy meals for yourself every day, going on walks outside every day, or even getting a massage! Self-care isn't easy sometimes, but it can make your relationship better because you'll feel more confident about who you are and what you want out of life!

Stop comparing yourself to others

No matter who we compare ourselves too, we will always be able to find a way to think they’re better than we are. We can nitpick and pull someone apart into the tiniest shreds to find that one tiny thing that makes them more worthy, impressive, beautiful, or whatever than we are.

So just stop doing it. Exist without ranking yourself higher or lower than others. Know that you, like everyone else, have your own talents, skills, qualities, and values that make you unique and wonderful.

When you can let go of the comparison game, liking or even loving yourself becomes so much easier.

Remember you care more than your partner does

We worry so much about how our bodies look. Are my boobs sagging? Is my stomach too big? Are my thighs too jiggly? But here’s the thing: men DO NOT CARE. It took me forever to learn that lesson, but it’s the straight-up truth. Men are either attracted to you or they’re not. And if they’re attracted to you, then they don’t care if your boobs bounce against your knees and your thighs jiggle for hours after you sit down. They don’t care if you shaved.

And if you don’t date men? The same rule applies. Your partner doesn’t care. They’re either attracted or not. Period. It’s as simple as that.

Let’s really break this down here. We worry most about our body when it comes to the bedroom. By the time we’re heading there, though, our partner has already decided whether they’re attracted to us or not (that’s why they’re our partner, after all!). So they’re not thinking, “She’s hot, but if her boobs were a little perkier, she’d be hotter.” They’re thinking, “Woohoo, I’m getting laid!”

And if need any more encouragement to remember you care more than they do, ask yourself this: do you judge their body the way you judge your own? Of course not! So why would they be judging yours?

Try for body neutrality rather than positivity

Body positivity is trendy these days and it’s certainly something you should aspire to. But to go from feeling awkward about, or even downright hating, your body straight to loving it is a little extreme.

So instead, shoot for the middle ground. Try body neutrality. This concept simply means that you don’t hate your body but you don’t love it either. You merely accept that it exists, as it exists, and that’s it. It allows you to focus on the functions and features your body does have rather than fixating on the ones it doesn’t – and that can go a long way toward decreasing the hatred or dislike you feel for your body.

Just do it

You may be thinking, "I don't want to put myself out there." The thing is, you've already taken the first step. You've started this journey by realizing that you need to work on your insecurity.

The next step is to get out there and start doing things that will make you feel more confident. This doesn't have to be anything big—in fact, it can be as small as making a list of things that you like about yourself. For example, I might write down all the different aspects of my personality that I'm proud of: my creativity, my intelligence, and so on.

Once you have this list in front of you, it's time for another step: picking one or two activities from your list that align with your goals. For example, if I chose something like "eating healthy," I would try to eat one healthier meal every day (that doesn't mean eating salads before going out and getting pizza).

Catch your thoughts and be mindful of them

The first step to feeling good in your own skin is catching your thoughts and being mindful of them. When you notice when you're insecure, try to be gentle with yourself. This will prevent you from going down a spiral of negativity.

The next step is to recognize that it's impossible for everyone to love you the way you want them too. If someone has a problem with how you look, it doesn't mean they don't care about or respect you; it just means that they have their own issues that need space and time to work through.

The next step is asking for help when needed! Relationships are difficult but having friends around can make the difference between feeling insecure and not.

Get enough social support

Another step to feeling great about yourself is to get enough social support. When constantly reminding yourself of your flaws and struggling to believe in yourself, it can be hard to find the motivation to work on those flaws.

Consider how much time you spend worrying about the way you look and then decide if that's worth it. If not, make a change. There are plenty of ways to find the support you need without going through your partner (like friends, family, or even just by finding an online forum where you can talk about your feelings).

Look for the good in you

Looking for the good in yourself is a great way to start feeling better about yourself. You don't need to be perfect, you just need to be who you are and love everything about you.

What’s good about you? Are you creative? Thoughtful? Are you a great cook, a wonderful writer, a loving mother? And don’t limit yourself to things you do, either. Maybe you have a great laugh or a sweet smile.

When you find the good in yourself, it starts to show on your face and in your body language. It's hard not to feel confident when you know how fabulous you really are!

Learn to love your body with small steps

It’s important to know that feeling confident in your own body is a process and it doesn’t happen overnight. It starts with baby steps, like spending longer looking at your reflection each day and acknowledging the changes you want to see. Seek progress, not perfection, and you'll feel more confident before you know it.