How to look at today in a new light

I've been asking for change, but looking at everything with the same perspective and mentality, these are the things I didn't want in the first place.

I was blind to the changes that had taken place and continued to take place, caught in a struggle between the reality I perceived and the reality that actually existed.

Often this is how we approach relationships - we spend a lot of time pushing for positive change, but our attention has been in the wrong place for so long that we don't adjust when things start to change and go in a different direction.

We may live and breathe in the moment, but we are constantly reacting to past situations, past hurts, and past disappointments. Despite how fluid and constantly changing things are - as we all witness - we do not operate in a place that acknowledges this fact of life.

Lessons not yet learned

Recently I've started to notice patterns in my relationships - which continue to pop up over and over again, even after I believe they've been resolved and we've moved on.

However, the universe continues to present the same challenges in my path. Why is that? Because I hadn't recognized the role I had played -- and continued to play -- in my relationships and hadn't learned my lesson.

I've been in an evolving relationship for the past eight years - with major and minor breaks in between - but I'm still looking at my partner because he's the same boy we started dating.

Now that adults have more rich life experiences, I am reacting to current situations while past events are still in my mind. I don't trust now, because a few years ago we had a situation that tested our trust. I don't feel loved now because he didn't plan a proper celebration for my birthday last year.

Treat the present as the past

He is changing, adapting to my demands and trying to build the best possible relationship. But I still see the present as the past.

How often do we not seek out the opportunities we desire because we remember being rejected long ago? How often do we fail to make new connections because we've been so deeply hurt by past relationships?

It can be a challenge to see today in a way that isn't influenced by what happened yesterday, but that's where true appreciation and joy come from - the ability to see everything as new, pure and full of possibility.

You may hope, pray, or even strive to make a difference in your life. The question is not whether it will happen; If you would recognize it when it appears.

Can you see today in a new light? You can get where you can in the following ways.

Pay attention to small things

Change does not mean complete reform; It can be reflected in the smallest and most illegible places.

I spent months berating my boyfriend for not helping around the house. My request was broad - I just wanted more from him. I get angry when he doesn't automatically start emptying the dishwasher or putting all his dirty clothes in a basket instead of scattering them on the floor before he's asked.

Then, the other day, I came home to find that he had finished and folded a large pile of clothes. It's not life-changing, but it means he's been listening and making a conscious effort.

If you've been waiting for the day when your boss thanks you for the work you've done, pay attention to the time he said "thank you." Change is being created -- you just need to help facilitate it through your approval.

Pay close attention to patterns

After leaving an unhealthy relationship plagued by trust issues, my friend recently started a new one. Despite the significant differences between the two, she finds herself in the new relationship reacting to past hurts from the old one - automatically becoming concerned if he doesn't call on time, suspicious of his activities, etc.

Although he had done nothing wrong, the increasing number of situations began to make her feel unsafe and worried. Why is that? Because by starting from her past feelings, she is creating space for her present feelings.

If we do not make a conscious effort to respond to the realities emerging today, we stop making positive changes and start recreating exactly what we wish to get rid of.

Know your strength

Think about a situation in your life that you desperately wanted to change, and it eventually did -- for the better. You may not be able to explain exactly how it happened, but you played a big part in it. You created that.

Many times, we can't recognize when change is happening because we don't believe we have the power to make it happen. You're constantly creating change in your life, it's just a matter of channeling your energy into being positive and then realizing it when it actually happens.

Decide what you want to change and approach it with the mindset that it's coming your way - you've started it and it's only a matter of time before it becomes yours. Anticipate change and you'll be more likely to notice it when it happens.

Let it go

Luggage is something we all have. Sometimes it serves us, but more often it accumulates in the form of fear, disguised as protecting us from making mistakes or being hurt in the moment.

It keeps us in a reality that no longer exists, denying us positive experiences that we might be apart from today.

Recognize when you are operating from past hurts, experiences, or beliefs. This is the first step in realigning yourself with the status quo, which may just be many positive changes that already exist.