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How to know the good or bad relationship between you

In fact, it is very simple, depending on whether you are happy in the relationship

By Sinha CeniPublished about a year ago 5 min read
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How to know the good or bad relationship between you
Photo by Milan Popovic on Unsplash

"Of all the rich, talented, sentimental and savage people in the world, this is the only one who will make you smile happily is", a line from the movie "First Kiss".

This line is very simple, but solves the confusion of many people about relationships: how do judge whether a relationship is good or bad?

The standard is very simple, depending on whether you are always able to smile happily in the relationship.

If in a relationship, you can completely remove your defenses, reveal your nakedness, and always be content like a child, then this must be a nourishing relationship.

Only a good relationship can bring back the innocence of a child without defenses.

The people you meet matter

The French philosopher Ayrshire said a classic phrase: people are the product of their environment. A person's life is happy or unhappy, in addition to their efforts and whether related, to a large extent, and the surrounding environment is also closely related.

There is a very famous emotional experiment in psychology.

A sheep gave birth to a group of lambs, and the experimenter divided the lambs into two groups, one group stayed in the flock and lived with the other lambs, and the other group was placed next to a wolf pen.

Not long after, the lambs living with the flock grew up happily in the grassland.

The other group of lambs, however, as they had to face the wolves every day, could not eat or sleep well in a state of extreme fright, and died out of fear not long after.

Each of us is a bit like the newborn lambs, and the environment we live in will directly affect our emotions and state, which in turn affects our quality of life.

And in our surroundings, the biggest influence on our emotions is people.

Think about it, the last time you were angry, sad, or crying, was it all related to someone? Similarly, the last time you felt touched, happy, or warm, was it because of a certain person?

All of our reactions to emotions are related to people, if not the reality of people, and will be their projections about certain people. Therefore, people, are our most important external environment.

Relationships are shaped by each other

There is a theory in psychology called: object relations theory.

Object relations theory is a psychodynamic-oriented theory of personality development that asserts that human behavior is motivated by seeking objects. Object relations theory explores interpersonal relationships within a psychoanalytic theoretical framework that places greater emphasis on the influence of the environment. It is believed that what influences the process of one's spiritual development is the relationship between the infant and the parents during the early years of life.

This theory explores how the infant-mother relationship affects the spiritual structure of the individual and how the individual grows up, shifting the focus of personality development from the Oedipus complex to the pre-Oedipus conflict from birth to age 3.

So, a person's core personality is shaped already in childhood (before age 6) through the mother-infant relationship.

For example, we often see people who are particularly controlling. According to object relations theory, it is likely that this person's mother is very controlling, and during the critical period of his developing self, from 2 to 3 years old, his mother is too strict with him, causing him to grow up and keep making up for it

Object relations present a truth about relationships: each of us is shaped by them. In different relationships, each person is also shaped differently.

One of my visitors, came to me because she didn't know why she had become lazy after marriage.

She said that before she got married, she was a pretty diligent girl who would clean her room every day, change her bedding once a week, and do a deep clean in the kitchen bathroom once a week ......

In short, both her own and her friends seem, she considered a hard-working person.

The person who is so diligent has become lazy after getting married. She said that after she got married, she seemed to have little interest in doing housework, and for this reason, she said she had quarreled with her husband many times.

A particularly diligent person, becomes a particularly lazy person, what happened in the middle?

She said that her husband is a particularly picky and fault-finding person, every time she does housework, her husband can always find her to do a bad place, so they have a lot of conflicts. Over time, there is no motivation to do housework.

Every time her husband is picky, every time he finds something wrong, he is shaping her. The superficial nitpicking was his behavior expressing an inner language: you're terrible, you're not good enough, why are you so stupid.

Although her husband didn't say these comments outright, she could still read these words through his behavior, and she became lazy in the process - that's how relationships shape people.

Good relationships make people soft

Relationships shape people, naturally, and good relationships, make people better and better.

What is acceptance? Acceptance is that I can see the real you, see the vulnerability behind your apparent strength, see the defiance behind your wretchedness, see the sadness behind your laughter ......

And seeing all of this, I think you are like a child, real and beautiful.

Because of acceptance, we will love each other honestly without reservation, unload the frost brought about by the world, revealing an innocent smile.

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About the Creator

Sinha Ceni

Time and tide wait for no man.

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