Wherever I go and whatever I do, you are always with me. I know you are out there and I know that you exist. Although I’ve never seen your face, I imagine how it may be... and I search for it in every person I meet, in every hand that I greet. My heart searches for you in every street, yet somehow our story seems bittersweet.
I look for you in every glance that catches my eye. I listen for you in every voice I hear, in every sound that penetrates my ear... after all, it’s you I long to be near. I picture you behind each page that turns, I draw you with my imagination, filling the canvas with your beauty, and how I picture you to appear. I search for you in every crowded space, hoping you are there, searching for me too. I won’t give in to the fact that perhaps you grew weak, and lost your faith in my existence. I refuse to believe that you may have settled for a just a mate instead of patiently holding out for your soulmate. I refuse, because to believe in that would mean you gave up on the idea that somewhere out there I still exist; it would mean that you gave up on the idea of me, and in turn you gave up on the idea of us. And knowing all that, or giving in to it would just mean I search in vain. Accepting such a thought would strip me of the only thing that's ever kept me going; hope. Hope is what gives people the courage to push forward, through all the darkness in search of light. And in this dark and cruel, cold world you are my ray of light.
You are with me at every party, every celebration, in my heart, dancing and rejoicing with me. I can feel you there. I picture your smile, how happy you would be in that moment, skipping around with me. At night I dream of you, and at times I could have sworn I’d seen your face, but before I can be certain the morning sun drives you away from me, and I awake with an empty space in my bed, and an empty place in my heart. One where you belong. The time, it passes, but I stand still, refusing to move clockwise, waiting for you, hoping you don’t pass me by.
I fight the hands of time, the ones that throw these tiny jabs as they pass me by, while holding my biological clock hostage. They show no mercy, as they threaten to leave me barren if I choose to keep playing, if I choose to remain in the game.
Wherever you are and whatever you do, I hope that you are happy, that you are safe, and that you are warm. I hope that you are loved and surrounded with good people who have your best interests at heart. I hope that you are maximizing your potential, and making a positive mark in this world. I hope that you are doing whatever makes you happiest, something that makes you grow, and feeds your soul. I hope that life treats you kindly, and guides you towards the light, that life doesn’t break you or turn your heart cold. And more than anything, I hope to finally be with you. To get lost in your eyes, to feel you close, and give you all this love I have inside me. Until then I’ll keep writing you these letters in hopes that you appear!