How to deal with frustration

We all get frustrated in life. From not being able to open the bottle that we so desperately need to be shut out by those who appear hurt and yet will not speak with us.

Life is the perfect recipe for frustration. It is something that can be compounded by the warm weather than can make even the coolest of us melt with annoyance. It is something that can strike without a moment of warning and so we need a process in which to deal with it.

Step 1

Take a step back.

Either literally or metaphorically consider the situation, as more often than not this is where our perceptions can hold us back. We can believe that there is a problem, when in reality that is not the case.

We can never know what is going on in the mind of another. We can know people and trust them, supporting them on their journey but realistically, human beings are flawed and prone to changing their minds often and with a great level of difference each time.

By taking a step back we can remember this. We can remove ourselves from the emotion and question the story unfolding in front of us and ask if it is the correct chapter that we find ourselves on.

Step 2

If the frustration still exists and the cautionary step back did nothing for us apart from increasing the level of annoyance, then it is time to take action. With this, I do not mean that you should seek out the source of your frustration and shake them until they yield but do speak to them directly.

Our mobiles can connect us to others at the click of a button and therefore there is no excuse for anyone who says they can’t reach anyone. Our mobiles have been supercharged with more applications and dancing penguins that you can throw a fish at but they are first and foremost, ways and means to speak to others directly.

We can pick up the phone, add the number of the person who has caused us this heartache and press dial. We can then aim to connect with them directly, to speak through wherever the issues are coming from and more often than not, this is enough.

Step 3

If we are unable to get hold of them by phone then we can always send a text message or email them. Leave them a note to get in touch at their earliest convenience, explain the reason why and more often than not you will receive a reply that day.

People don’t like conflict in their lives, so by speaking to them directly or by leaving a message you can ensure that you are front of mind when they are back, as the other person may have been busy when you called.

The problems begin to emerge when you have exhausted the rule of three. You have tried three times to get in touch with someone, either via calling them, messaging or via email and you have a fairly good idea that they have seen at least one of these sources, yet choose to ignore.

Step 4

Being ignored is one of the most annoying human games that we like to play as it is unfair. There are circumstances such as an abusive ex or someone that you do not wish to speak to due to harassment etc and then it is okay to ignore, but mainly it is rude and solves nothing.

In the workplace or within family/friendship groups, it is inevitable that you will end up speaking to this person again in that setting. You cannot ignore them forever and so doing so in the short term will make the issue worse and more awkward when you do speak.

If this occurs then you need to remember to stay calm. It is annoying, frustrating and anger-inducing but everyone goes through this and it’s important to remember that it is not your fault. They will have to speak to you again and when they do, you will come out as the bigger person.

Patience is the best trait to display if you make it to step four as inevitably the person on the other side will come off worse than you as they are the ones who created this level of awkwardness that will annoy others.

Step 5

I’ve never really gotten to step five and can only imagine an angry outcome but in 34 years this has never happened as inevitably, time heals all wounds. People really how awkward it is not to talk to someone and quickly and efficiently move on.

This is the key here, as people recognise who is at fault and will be quick to emphasize the awkwardness and to place pressure on them to resolve. Most of the time this occurs during the first phase or by simply picking up the phone. When it does not then it is frustrating, yet it is always essential to rise above the situation.

Frustration is a human challenge and one that in hindsight is always easy to rise above but in reality, it is much more difficult. With life pulling us in so many different directions it is easy to lose track. The important consideration is to always stay calm in order to ensure that you come out on top.

A Final Thought

Frustration is something that I wish was not a consideration but it is and we need to accept that as red-blooded human beings. We push each other whilst most of the time being oblivious. We tell ourselves that it doesn’t matter, yet whenever we look back we know that what we have done was wrong and know how we should have behaved.

We make mistakes but what makes humans so flawed is that most of the time, we are doomed to make those mistakes, over and over again, as we rarely learn. We make changes, yes, but always end up slipping back to old ways and this is why we need to have established processes to quickly and easily rise above.