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How To Deal With a Stage-5 Clinger

Here's how to deal with a stage-5 clinger, without having to pull out a restraining order.

By Ossiana TepfenhartPublished 7 years ago 8 min read
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In order to succeed socially, you have to know how to deal with difficult personality types. That's why it's crucial to learn how to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger before you actually have to do so.

You see, being around a clingy person is never cool, especially since you might feel bad about actually having to ask for space. Clingy people are awkward, needy, and just not fun to be around most of the time.

They can even be bad for your social life in terms of reputation, party invites, and more. Sometimes, clingers, as they're called, can even go so far as to hurt you so that you can't leave them.

Nothing, though, is as bad as having a Stage-5 Clinger. When a person is a Stage-5 Clinger, they are clingy to the point that they are kind of unstable. They may have mood swings, boundary-pushing problems, and even develop stalkery behavior.

In a nutshell, a Stage-5 Clinger is a person who feels like they need to be around you all the time, refuses to "share" you with anyone else, and just doesn't take the hint. It's creepy. It's stalkery. They refuse to listen. If you've dealt with them before, you know how terrifying it is.

Here's how to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger, so that you can nip things in the bud as they come.

Look for the warning signs of a Stage-5 Clinger.

Most people who can tell you how to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger will be adamant that prevention is worth a pound of cure. In other words, your best defense is to notice when someone's acting like a Stage-5 Clinger and work to avoid them. The following signs should make you back away, quick:

  • Generally speaking, people who are super clingy will constantly start hounding you once they feel they have an "in" with you. The texting ratio, for example, may have them writing three texts for every text you have. They may also be the ones initiating every conversation, too. In some cases, they may even go so far as to send 10 messages or more, even when you didn't answer any of theirs.
  • They flip out when you don't answer them "in time." This isn't normal behavior you would expect from a sane, stable person. This is the action of a Stage-5 Clinger who really has serious issues. Pass on this, and tell them you no longer want to talk to them.
  • Even though you never invite them anywhere, they keep asking to go out with you. This is known as "not taking the hint," especially if they actually come up with excuses for you so that they can keep asking you. Keep saying no, or, if you feel it's safe to do so, just tell them it's never going to happen.
  • They get territorial around you, or try to wedge themselves into everything you do. Behavior like this tends to happen when people are really insecure about themselves and can't actually handle having an identity that's all their own. Even so, it's a warning sign that drama will follow that person.
  • You've caught them hanging out where you were, even though you gave zero invites or intel to them. Do they usually end up suddenly coming along for the ride, even though you never told them it's okay? This kind of stuff is generally called stalking, and it's a bit beyond clingy at this point.
  • They insist you're dating, even though you have made it clear you're not. This is actually a sign that they are delusional and need help. At this point, your best bet is to avoid them or tell them they need help.

But really, most people know when someone is really clingy - or is getting really clingy. If you believe you have a Stage-5 Clinger on your hands, you need to realize that cutting things off quick is key.

Here's how to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger, in terms of attitude.

Stage-5 Clingers aren't like most other dating obstacles you'll run into because they might actually have serious mental issues that are making them that that clingy and needy to begin with. You don't know how they will react if you get too harsh with them. Therefore, tactfulness is key.

That being said, most Stage-5 Clingers won't end up getting violent or otherwise destructive. So, at the very least, you don't have to worry too much about being in the center of a Lifetime movie.

The number one thing you need to think about when determining how to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger is to think about setting healthy boundaries. You need to be firm with them and say "NO," even if they guilt you.

Keeping healthy boundaries also means you will walk the walk, not just talk the talk. If you threaten to call security, then by all means, you will need to enforce that boundary if he continues to push your buttons.

Most people will tell you that the best way to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger is to be direct with him.

Most people who are clingy either don't realize how clingy they're being or don't realize that most people actually mind the way they're acting. That being said, they'll typically listen if someone tells them, flat-out, that you're not comfortable with the amount of interaction they're demanding.

Simply put, the following lines will typically work as good boundary-setters:

  • "Sorry, but I don't see this working out. I'm not going to date you. I wish you the best, but we're not compatible."
  • "You're getting way too clingy for me. I'm breaking things off, sorry."
  • "You're a really good friend, but I don't see you like a boyfriend. Buddy, you're like a brother to me."
  • "I'm getting very uncomfortable with the amount of time you want to spend with me. Right now, I don't have that much time to do much, so it might be best if you look for other friends/lovers."
  • "I need a little space. You're being very aggressive with me, and I don't like that."

Most of the time, even Stage-5 Clingers will listen and stop when you are that direct. That being said, it's often best to do this via text, chat, or email. That way, you don't have to deal with them making a very public scene.

Around 75 percent of the time, just being that upfront and maintaining your boundaries will make a Stage-5 Clinger behave themselves and give you the space you want.

However, there are some Stage-5 Clingers who aren't all there. These may lash out in anger, refuse to listen, and may even double down on their stalker-y tactics.

What about the girl who just doesn't get the hint and still tries to get a date with you?

Well, there are many different schools of thought on how to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger who doesn't get it. Here are some of the easiest ways to do it, by order of how intense the clinginess is.

  • Get Busy. Tell them that you're "going to be really busy with X, Y, and Z" soon. Then, ghost them. If they see you around, you can apologize and say that you've been antisocial due to all the stuff you're doing. It's tactful, avoids hurt feelings, and generally works with people.
  • Block Them. If they're acting really inappropriate, creepy, and disrespectful, ice them out. Block them on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and your phone. Don't acknowledge them in public. Just block them and they'll usually get the hint.
  • Explain The Consequences Of Their Behavior. Sometimes, even being as blunt as the boundary setting quotes above won't work. At this point, you need to earnestly ask them how they'd feel if someone behaved that way with them, or how they think they're coming across. Sometimes, actually explaining how sad it looks can help them realize they're acting foolishly.
  • Consider Getting People Involved. If you notice that they are stalking you, acting unstable, or otherwise just behaving in a way that makes you fear for your life, then you may want to think about getting police, teachers, or even HR involved. This person may have serious issues that need to be addressed by a professional.

Here's how to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger that gets angry, mean, and dramatic when you reject them.

At this point, you have already drawn your boundary in writing. That means that they are very well-aware that you are not cool with their clingy, needy, and possessive behavior. If they choose to not respect your boundary, you will need to think of how to handle this.

If they start publicly lashing out in anger or making a fool of themselves, let them do that. It doesn't make you look bad to just exist while they throw a tantrum; it makes them look crazy. Even if they trash talk you, most people will judge them, not you.

That being said, if they threaten you or threaten to hurt themselves, go to the police. That will usually make them stop. Additionally, you may want to make friends aware of the situation so that they can take the necessary steps.

Even so, the best way to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger is to just avoid dealing with them, period.

No one needs to pretend to like clingy people if they don't like them. The sooner clingers learn there's consequences to being so needy, the better off they'll be. That's why so many people who know how to deal with a Stage-5 Clinger refuse to engage with them in the first place.

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About the Creator

Ossiana Tepfenhart

Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of New Jersey. This is her work account. She loves gifts and tips, so if you like something, tip her!

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