How to choose better friends : 7 practical tips

Interpersonal relationships are complex processes, although we do not realize it when we get involved in them.

Before the bond of friendship is fully established, an unconscious selection process occurs that focuses on the things we have in common with other people, it is what is known as "compatibility".

In this article we are going to review a little how we can go from the unconscious to the conscious regarding the choice of our friends. In other words, we are going to see how to choose friends better , in such a way that we can avoid disappointment in the future when we realize that what we thought were our friends were really not.

Why is it important to know how to choose friends?

It is important to know how best to choose friends, since they represent a fundamental part of life and it is in social groups where we develop in various aspects that are very relevant to our identity. In friendship circles we have the opportunity to live with people who, despite being different, show coincidences that make the affective bond possible .

To be able to opt for an adequate development of the personality, it is necessary to experience what it is like to have a group of friends with whom to interact frequently. For this to be an experience that is not only pleasant but also constructive, it is necessary to know how to correctly choose which groups we interact with.

If we have a tendency to associate with people who have dysfunctional lifestyles, eventually we are going to have some problems similar to those of our friends. This is because socially learned behaviors are not conscious , and we inadvertently end up acting like our social reference group.

Regardless of whether or not we approve of the behavior of our group of friends, if we spend a lot of time with them we will end up replicating inappropriate behavior. That is why it is advisable to be clear about our principles and values, and when starting new friendships, make sure that we share the same values ​​and styles of prosocial behavior .

In conclusion, it is important to choose friends correctly to maintain proper social behavior development, within social norms, and also to avoid the frustration that comes after realizing that the friends we had chosen really do not suit us.

How to better choose friends

Now let's see some tips that will be useful when choosing our friendship relationships.

1. There must be sympathy

No friendship relationship is capable of functioning properly if there is sympathy involved. Although we have many things in common with the other person , if we do not feel that we like the other subject, there is no way we can establish a solid friendship relationship, and it is not worth forcing the deal at that moment. The relationship can flow in future situations, but it is not necessary to give this hypothetical potential friendship one opportunity after another if there are no clear signs that it may come into existence.

2. Talk about your interests

A good way to get people with common interests who can be our friends, is to have the habit of mentioning our hobbies and hobbies in the small talk that we usually have with anyone. We never know when we may run into someone who has things in common .

3. Frequent different places regularly

When we make a habit of frequenting the same places on a recurring basis, it is quite likely that we will meet people who do the same, regardless of the reason that brings them to that place. Sometimes, the limitation in terms of the social contexts to which we are exposed means that we do not have many social relationships to choose from, which increases the chances of accepting almost anyone as a friend. It is best to vary, to have the opportunity to meet new people ; gym, library, parks, etc.

4. Tolerance must exist

Tolerance must be reciprocal , taking into account that despite all the things in common that you and your friends may have, there will always be differences within the bond of friendship. These differences must be handled in the best possible way, within an environment of respect for the ideas of the other.

5. Notice how people treat others

Sometimes, the fact that an individual treats us well does not imply that they are a good person. To avoid making a bad decision by letting someone into our lives, it is important to look at how he treats others, and draw conclusions .

6. Start controversial conversations

Controversial and controversial topics function as a tolerance gauge in terms of the quality of friendship that others can offer us. If when you discuss sensitive or controversial issues the other person feels uncomfortable or reacts defensively, they may not be as tolerant a person as you might expect.

Of course, make sure you do not touch controversial topics that talk about problems that your friend has suffered personally in the past, since the irritability before these topics can only be due to traumatic experiences and anxiety generated by the concepts discussed.

7. Check if he likes spending time with you

In many cases, people are only interested in our friendship to obtain some occasional benefit and then leave our lives, which does not have to be negative as long as people know how to express their intentions honestly. Otherwise, it is preferable to avoid people who approach you only for favors.

The ideal is to check if your new friends have time for you from time to time, or if on the contrary, whenever you invite them somewhere they have an excuse. Not investing time in yourself and only being present to receive some kind of benefit is a warning sign; then it is a good idea to start questioning if there really is friendship.