How the Covid-19 outbreak is affecting me.

I had my first baby in November 2021. I was so excited to show him off to all my family and friends but on the 13th of December, we had a covid outbreak in our town. I was unable to leave my house or allow any visitors as I was so very scared of my baby boy catching the virus.

Little did I know that this would have a big impact on my life. I felt like I was locked away and like I had no one. Trying to be a new mum is hard enough let alone having to do without the support from my family and friends.

Every minute of every hour. It was just me and my baby. I had just had a c section and was told by my doctor that I was unable to do anything for 6 weeks but how am I meant to just do nothing? I’m on my own with a new baby and with house work that needs to be done. In pain, exhausted and struggling, I had to do all the things I was told not to. I had to bath him, feed him and do everything that needed to be done around the house on my own. No support and no help, I found myself in the deeps of postnatal depression and it wasn’t because I didn’t love my baby, it was because I just wanted help and I needed some me time.

Quickly running out of food, formula and money, unable to leave my house. I had to ask family to drop things off and even pay for the things that I needed, which made me feel so worthless. If I can’t afford to feed myself, that’s okay, as long as I can feed my baby.

Family and friends having to meet my baby through the window of my house. That broke me, it really did. So when covid started settling down in my town I began allowing my family and friends to visit, as long as they weren’t sick. They were so happy and excited to meet and hold him for the first time.

Then one of my family members came for a visit. He told me that he had taken a covid test and it was negative so I allowed him to hold my baby. The day after I found out that he tested positive to Covid. I was extremely upset and confused as to why he didn’t tell me he was sick. He came to my house, touched my baby’s face and held him. I was furious! This is what I was trying to keep my baby away from, I did all that to protect him.

We took covid tests and thankfully we were both negative but because of that family member, I shut everyone out again. No visitors, no nothing. My baby’s life is more important than anything in this world and I will not risk it again.

Once again it was just me and my baby, alone but we had each other. It really is hard trying to raise a baby on your own.

Why did it have to come to my hometown?

Why do I feel so alone with him laying beside me?

Why? Why? Why?

So many questions running through my mind.

I want to give my baby the best life but how can I do that when we are stuck inside our house with little money and no one around us. I’m struggling, I really, really am.

The girl who’s losing her mind, Summer Rayne.