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How Many Men Does It Take to Fall In Love?

A recollection of loss and love.

By De'Jah WilliamsPublished 6 years ago 3 min read

I'd never been promiscuous, I wasn't a virgin but I wasn't loose either. I'd always wanted that fairytale love bullsh*t that they talked about in movies and in books. I'd cried over lost love and a man that would never reciprocate the feelings I had for him. I searched for it looking in all the wrong places. I met the man I thought I was going to marry at eighteen. I was in love completely. I fell for him hard, my first love, my first sexual encounter. I always felt that our time was strained and that we were meant to be together perhaps in a different time or place.

I remember the day he broke up with me, it cut like a knife. I couldn't tell you the exact date. All can I say is that it hurt me to my core, in my head we were destined but he's moved on and he's got another girl and a baby apparently. That's neither here nor there. I'm not bitter or upset, I'm quite happy for him actually. I figured if he found love after we broke up then so could I. I saw his progression as a sort of hope. I moved on too, I dated a twenty-five year old. He was amazing in bed and sexy as hell. I wanted to be with him, but he treated me differently because of the age difference. I had a one night stand and that didn't end well.

I finally met my son's father, he was beautiful to me and I wouldn't say I loved him. I wouldn't even say I liked him, all I could say was we connected for a moment and created our marvelous son. He and I aren't talking but he gave me my son and for that I am grateful. My son a Sagittarius is and an interesting child already at six months old. In the words of the Romans 'Tesoro Mio' (my darling). He is the reason I wake up every day, and that is a cliché but it is the feeling I have.

During my pregnancy, I was lost, trying to find my way. I couldn't wrap my head around being alone, unwed, and pregnant. I wished to go back, rewrite my wrongs. I needed to understand my life, I read books and studied myself. I came to the conclusion that I needed to stop wasting my time, and focus on who I am. I decided to date De'Jah find out what she liked and let love come my way when it was time.

Love is not something that you can search for, you must love yourself and forget about finding love altogether. Let the love find you and fill you up until you're overflowing. Wonder and excitement will connect with you and keep you warm. Relationships are metaphors and literary essays. They are written with time, some are good, some are bad. There are some that don't deserve the ink. Your story, your ink, and your time. It's all precious you can't waste it

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