How Is Your Relationship Weathering the Pandemic

I was out for a drink recently, with an old friend, talking about the toll that the pandemic is taking on people’s relationships. Almost two years into this thing - in and out of lockdowns, spending so much time at home with your partner. It introduces a new dynamic — to say the least.

My friend felt he is seeing relationships falling apart all around him. Two of his neighbors shared with him recently that they were breaking up. One had had a strained relationship before all of this but had always managed to give one another enough space to happily co-exist and co-parent. The other couple had been very happy pre-pandemic, but over the past year — bored and cooped up at home — began to take all of their own frustrations out of the other, eventually wearing all the love and respect into the relationship away and leaving only mutual annoyance with one another. So, last week, they called it quits. Fifteen years of marriage and poof.

This got us talking about how important it was to make sure our won relationships were doing well. I would say we are both very happily married, but — especially during these difficult times — it's important to be actively trying to nurture your relationships.

For what its worth, a few things we talked about

Don’t rely on your partner for all of your happiness. This is good advice at any time, but it's especially significant now when we can’t spend much time with others. My friends said he’s found some new hobbies that he pursues solo — for him, he’s really into music, so at least one or two nights a week he’ll go to his loft, have a glass of scotch, and listen to music all alone. For my wife, she took a yoga teachers training course. It was a lot of time, but it was a great thing to do that was 100% hers. And she met — virtually- a lot of great folks who were also taking the course.

Own up to your pent-up frustration. You will get annoyed with your partner. And you will be annoying to them. One thing I have learned in the past year — if you can just say this, or own, this with a pragmatic humility, it passes quickly. It's totally ok to say “we’ve been spending a lot of time together; I’m a little sick of you right now; I need a little space and then things will be back to normal. Don’t let it bubble under the surface. Call it.

Don’t take one another for granted. We bubbled with another couple throughout the pandemic. And at one point we found ourselves kind of vegging all week — watching Netflix and such — and then having an awesome time with them every weekend. It kind of felt that we were saving all our energy and interest for moments with them. We realized we needed to put some energy into having some fun and exciting times when it was just the two of us.

Work Out. A lot. I find that putting a lot of energy into fitness has helped a lot through these lockdowns. It directs your energy and gives you more of it; introduced some structure; and most importantly, keep you feeling good about yourself. And when you feel good about yourself, you are infinitely easier to be around.

The pandemic has sucked. But it will end. We’re seeing the finish line. We want to make sure that our most important relationships are not yet another casualty of this awful period.