How I Stopped Dating the Wrong Guys

I was dating emotionally unavailable partners, going from one relationship to the next only to find another unhappy relationship. The experiences were heartbreaking and confusing. No matter how hard I tried to manifest, “the one” I kept coming up short time after time. I finally realized that finding the right partner isn’t about luck or even manifesting, it's about knowing yourself.

Looking for love in all the wrong places

When you really want to find a partner, you will try anything. Dating apps, bars, clubs, blind dates. The hope that love will come into your life is a strong one, as long as you put yourself out there, the right one will come along, right? Not in my experience, in fact, if you are looking for love high and low, chances are you are running a bit of a scarcity pattern.

What I mean by that is we can get fixated on not having someone, and wanting to fill that void. It puts out the message that we don’t have enough love in our life, and are craving it. Whether it be for attention, or to feel a sense of self-worth, it’s not for the right reasons.

You don’t want to look for love at all, but rather resonate with love. Find love within, for yourself, who you are, the beautiful and vibrant person you are right now. That carries an entirely different message. It sends out to the world that you are confident, balanced, and know who you are.

Why manifesting the one isn’t working

I am a big fan of manifesting. Yet, a lot of the process isn’t really understood, and it’s easy to get frustrated after a while and give up. First, no experience is wrong, they all teach us and help us grow as individuals. So even if you aren’t getting the results you hoped for, try to learn from what has shown up (or hasn’t). Besides this, manifesting essentially is a reflection game, you will get whatever your mindset is running.

So, using the example above once more, if you run a scarcity pattern, you are going to continue to see lack and not get what you had hoped for. If you are insecure then often what you attract is a partner who is also insecure, but may hide it in a narcissistic manner. Or be unavailable in some other way.

Manifesting happens in the way we want it to when we know ourselves.

When we have opened up enough to ourselves and faced whatever it is we have within. Holding space for authenticity to emerge, and to let go of who we think we had to be, just being ourselves and being good with that.

The old me was terrified of doing this, I so wanted to be anyone else than who I was. This is a crucial step. Knowing yourself, making friends with yourself, so that you can be ready, truly ready for love.

How to know yourself

Just like if you were forming a new friendship, when you go about knowing yourself, you are going to learn about who you are. Start by asking yourself some basic questions,

What do I like?

What are some of my goals?

What do I need?

Basic questions, but they can be really hard to answer. Especially if you have spent a lot of time creating a persona, or wall to protect yourself. It might keep people out but it also keeps you in and out of touch with yourself.

Be kind to yourself, spend a little time alone, doing things you like to do. Learn about what you like these days, it may have changed. Learn about the person you have become. Face whatever you need to, let go of guilt, shame, and anything else that holds you back. Be kind to yourself, if you don’t, then you teach others it is okay to not be kind to you. Take it slow, step by step, making friends with yourself day by day.

If you are tired of dating the wrong types of people, look inward. Manifesting, and other techniques will reflect your patterns. If you want to find love, it’s vital that you know yourself. So that you can be aware of any unhealed patterns and work with them.

This is how you bring balance, harmony, and authenticity to your life. All things you want to have in place before entering into a romantic relationship.