How I Found My Voice after a Long Period Of Silence

I am an accidental writer. It wouldn’t have happened had intuition not overruled my introverted nature in seeking help from a support group after a tumultuous relationship nearly destroyed me.

When asked why I thought joining a support group would be beneficial, I clearly recall telling my support group leader, Karen, that my goal was to become whole again.

It may sound great on paper but for a person like me who is shy, reserved, and inwardly focused, being part of a group of strangers and talking about a very painful life event that was still fresh enough to be oozing blood was way out of my comfort zone.

In his article, “Why is it Hard For Introverts To Talk To Others?” communication expert Alex Gozdek explains why: “Introverts can experience a bit of anxiety when they need to speak in social situations. Introducing themselves, talking to a stranger or public speaking are mentally draining for them.”

Despite the fact that my support group members were kind and nonjudgmental, I nevertheless struggled with talking about how I really felt not only because I found it hard to break the long time habit of internalizing my feelings, but also because I worried about how much was too much to share with a group of people I barely knew.

This all changed when our group leader, Karen, talked to us about writing down our thoughts. She explained how catching all the chaotic thoughts swirling around and putting them on paper would help in expressing and releasing those emotions and feelings associated with them.

That seemed like the perfect solution for the introvert in me! Again Alex Gozdek sheds light on the reason why “For many introverts writing is easier than speaking. That’s why they prefer texting and emailing to talking on the phone.” Psychologist Dr. Marti Olsen Laney attributes it to the fact that writing involves different neural pathways than speaking.

And so what started as a tentative attempt at catching my thoughts and releasing them onto paper gradually turned into a babbling brook and then a cascading waterfall with me pouring out my heartache, shame, self-hate, insecurities, and tears into notebook after notebook.

It was during this process that I made a life-changing discovery: If by telling my story, I am able to inspire someone in a hopeless situation not to give up, it would be bringing beauty from ashes.

2 Unexpected Benefits of Sharing My Story

Self-awareness

In her article “Journaling for Self- Awareness: Everything You Need to Know!” lifestyle blogger Jodie Melissa explains how putting down thoughts on paper can help achieve clarity “It helps you identify where you might be going wrong, or what direction you should take. It’s been proven to reduce stress levels and encourage mindfulness.” She goes on to make a suggestion on how to go about this which I have found to be helpful “What aspect of your life do you want to change? Is it a particular thought, feeling, habit? Get clear on what you want to unpick. If you’re not.”

I have learned so much about myself in the last 8 months of writing that it opened the door to forgiveness, self-compassion, and healing. It is not an exaggeration therefore when I say writing has become a catalyst for change in me.

Putting down my thoughts on paper made me think about what prompted me into a relationship I was not ready for in the first place. It made me face my insecurities and work on them to become a stronger and better version of myself.

I am not alone

In her article “The Truth Is, There is Power in your Personal Story”, writer Ally Berthiaume talks about the power of real-life and real people reflected in personal stories in these words “They can offer hope, inspiration, light which can pull us from the darkness, the depths, the heaviness of the worst parts of the world, or the hardest parts of our earthly journey. And they can give us connection, belonging, safety, and healing by mirroring where we have been so that we may know we are not alone.”

Writing about my experience made me realize that even though many go through similar experiences, few write about it for several reasons. Some continue to feel a sense of residual guilt or shame over what happened, others just want to forget that chapter in their lives and move on, yet others are unable to put into words what they went through.

Recently, a friend of mine found herself going through a really dark phase in her marital life. By dark, I am referring to the issues she is facing and the fact that those she had hoped she could lean on did not wish to be involved with problems of such personal nature. I, however, am happy to be there for her because I understand where she is and empathize with how she feels.

As my articles continue to reach a wider audience, I feel, no I know that I made the right decision in choosing to write my story. This is because when I receive a comment or an email from readers saying that they identify with what I went through or how my words give voice to what they experienced, I not only feel like I am not alone but am also motivated to keep writing.

Originally published on Medium