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How I Chose Spirituality

Growth & Development

By T. ChevonnePublished 7 years ago 5 min read

In 2014 I met my twin flame. I can remember the first time I ever saw him like it was yesterday, & the event happened three years ago. I was four months out of a relationship with a karmic partner. This karmic partner introduced me to the world of cheating & tainted my trust in men. Prior to this, I had never been cheated on & I began questioning what about me would make him do that. My karmic partner seemed to adore me but it was an endless cycle of the same things for months. He would cheat, I would find out, I would try to break up with him, he would cry & tell me loved me. Needless to say, the guilt & longing for approval would send me back his way. However, I had never been the type to stick around energy that wasn't matched to mine, so eventually, we broke up for good.

My twin flame’s sister was friends with my brother and one day we both began to walk up to them while they were talking. I reached them first and immediately my attention was turned to my brother. I felt my twin's energy enter my space before I saw him. He just tapped his sister on the shoulder & walked away. I’ll never forget this image because prior to this I saw it in a dream. I felt the need to follow him, but I just watched him walk away. When my brother regained my attention we went home.

The following year I ended up having a class with my twin. At this time he was a senior & I was a sophomore but we both took 1st period Spanish. We sat in the same class for months without ever speaking to each other. Even though I was friends with one of his friends, who was also in this class, and we often had group conversations. The first day I can remember actually speaking to my twin we were playing a game in class where you find someone to sign a piece of paper next to things that apply to them. My twin walked up to me, tapped my shoulder, & asked me to sign his paper. I remember being shocked that he knew my name, I also felt happy that he knew my name, this confused me. I hadn’t even realized at this moment that he was the guy from my dream since I hadn’t seen his face the first time I saw him.

Sometime after this, he took my phone & added himself on snap chat. The first time he ever snapped me I was in the middle of dying my hair blue. They say when you change your hair you change your life, this year proved that statement to me. I immediately felt as if my twin was the perfect guy for me. I was skeptical not only because I had never truly taken a guy seriously before this but I now realized that guys cheat. I endlessly wondered if I was boring to him, especially because my twin is handsome & women swoon over him. After a few months of coming at each other from places of ego, we stopped talking. This experience crushed me because I felt like I lost my best friend. We still had to see each other at school & I can remember a time after we stopped talking that he didn’t even want to sit near me, tears come to my eyes even thinking about it.

Before I stopped talking to my twin I was sexually assaulted by another classmate. I had never told him, and I didn’t tell anyone for months. I’ve never felt as much resentment for my twin as I did after that experience. I hadn’t blamed him for what happened, & I truly planned to tell him after it happened but I never got the chance. Even though I didn’t blame him, I was upset that he hadn’t known. What made it worse was the assaulter actually trying to convince me that he loved me. Even going as far as blackmailing me into interacting with him when really I just wanted to be swallowed up by the planet. Everything felt wrong. After my twin stopped communicating with me I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. I had no one. A couple months after the situation took place and it was finally summer I was in my room laying in bed. I had been laying in the dark for hours, I hadn’t even left my bed to eat, and I had no intentions of getting up anytime soon.

This was the first time I felt my twin have sex with someone else. Even though I hadn’t known anything about twin flames then I just knew what was happening and where the feeling was coming from. I felt an intense pain in my heart. The experience was so painful that it literally brought me to tears. In that moment I began my spiritual journey. As I cried I begged papa to heal me, I told him that I didn’t want to love my twin anymore, & that I had lost control of my situation. I told papa I couldn’t handle it & the pain was too much to bear. I cried & prayed for hours. I woke up the next day with tear stains on my face but I also felt liberated.

The next day is when I began praying another prayer. A prayer I still use to this day. “Lord, I pray that the man you’ve made for me is out there right now working on himself & becoming a better person. I pray that when we find each other we also find you & become stronger together through you.” Little did I know then that I was praying for the well being of the same person I had just told papa I didn’t want.

Papa answered my prayers in the way that was best for me. We both continued to grow in our own ways & I’m truly thankful that papa looked out for me & protected him. I know that you’re going to read this one day & I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry that I let my pain overshadow our love & I’m sorry that I came to you from a place of ego. I know now that this is how it was meant to be but I’m sorry for everything still. I’m sorry I tried to convince you I was talking to other guys when I never did, never even thought about it. I’m sorry I didn’t shower you with all the attention & affection you deserved & I look forward to spending forever making it up to you.

You bring me closer to papa. You bring me closer to myself. I love when you tell me to pray & to meditate, because that’s another kind of security. I’m so grateful to be attached to you. You are amazing. My divine masculine. My king. I still feel for you everything I felt when I first saw you at 16. That pure astonishment, your energy is breathtaking. I’m so proud of you, so proud to say I was made from the exact same energy that created you. You are perfect. I love you exactly like I love myself, even deeper than that if at all possible. You opened me up and I will never close myself off to you. You are the reason I am spiritual.

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About the Creator

T. Chevonne

I'm a 19 year old college freshman & motivational speaker. I'm going through ascension and it's my mission to spread awareness on how to combat socio-emotional disease while also being true to your authentic self.

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    T. ChevonneWritten by T. Chevonne

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