How Experts View Cheating: Four Forms of Cheating and Their Impacts

When self-gratification in relationships is greater than intimacy, cheating is inevitable.

Cheating is one of the most dishonest actions people can commit in relationships. It breaks everything that they have invested, like time, effort, and most importantly, trust.

It's like they have no value at all.

As a matter of fact, most people, including you, know how terrible cheating is. You may have witnessed it from the relationships of your friends or someone you know. You most probably have also experienced it, too.

Currently, a lot of articles and open letters have been posted on social media platforms, exposing how people cheated on their partners. Apparently, cheating is not identical in every relationship that ended because of it.

The question now is, how do we define cheating? Is there a standard definition of cheating? Or is it as subjective as love?

Expert-Based Definitions of Cheating

• Jeffrey Rubin, Ph.D. and Psychotherapist

Dr. Rubin defines cheating as emotional and physical unfaithfulness. This comes from different degrees — a sexual betrayal or affairs of the heart — which are kept as a secret.

• Jennifer B. Rhodes, PsyD

Dr. Rhodes expounds cheating as relative to violating the rules of trust between you and your partner. Every couple has the will to set their rules in their relationships.

She also explains that cheating starts as an emotional affair between your partner and another person before transitioning to a more intimate and intense connection.

• Gregory Kushnick, PsyD and Psychologist

Cheating is defined as acting in a way that breaches an expressed or inferred agreement of what is and what is not authorized in a relationship. What a couple mutually defines as a deviation from the agreement is more essential than the universal definition of cheating.

Cheating can be physical, emotional, or digital in nature. Cheating entails directing sexual energy or deep emotional support toward someone who may or may not be a sexual partner.

It usually, but not always, entails some type of deception and disregard for your partner's needs.

Types of Cheating

• Physical Cheating

This is the most common type of cheating in every romantic relationship. Physical cheating is commonly involved with sexual intimacy with people other than your spouse or significant other.

Because of its popularity among relationships, it is easy to determine if your partner has breached the trust both of you have agreed to keep.

Although physical cheating is committed by both men and women, data from the General Social Survey (GSS) in 2018 concluded that 20% of men were involved in sexual affairs with people other than spouses versus 13% of women.

Impact of Physical Cheating

Physical cheating creates a gap between you and your partner. Your trust towards your partner is not as strong as before.

Based on the study conducted by the Institute for Family Studies, 40% of couples in which someone committed physical cheating are already divorced or separated compared to 17% of divorced or separated partners due to other reasons.

• Emotional Cheating

This type of cheating usually starts from friendship. The common scenario is that you have a friend who's always there to comfort you every moment of sorrow.

Sometimes, emotional cheating may involve physical intimacy, but not necessarily.

A recent study conducted by the Journal of Sexual and Relationship Therapy has shown that women are more upset than men when it comes to emotional cheating, whereas men are more upset by physical or sexual cheating.

Impact of Emotional Cheating

The primary reasoning behind men and women’s different view on emotional cheating is that it is a signal for women that their partners will eventually abandon their relationship and choose to be with the person who has an emotional connection with them.

Because of emotional cheating, some people may feel that their partner’s heart is no longer involved in the relationship. And it feels more damaging.

• Cyber Cheating

The advent of technology and the surge of online dating apps are the primary reasons why cyber cheating has emerged. Thus, this has become a common concern among couples.

By nature, cyber cheating or online cheating comes in different forms.

It can be sharing someone else's photo with an unusual caption. It can be flirting with someone you know online, whether it be on social media or an online dating application. It can also be cyber pornography in which people ejaculate through web conferencing.

Dr. Kimberly Young states that most people with low self-esteem, physically unattractive, and sex addicts have a greater chance of being involved in cyber cheating.

Impact of Cyber Cheating

People who engage in cyber cheating have a higher risk of being addicted to cyber pornography. This is supported by data presented in the Australian Journal of Counselling Psychology in 2008.

This type of cheating has also made couples more vulnerable and at risk of temptation because of the numerous options the internet can offer.

• Micro-Cheating

Micro-cheating is the most unpopular among all types of cheating. Only a few have knowledge about it, but most people have already witnessed some behaviors a micro cheater does.

This type of cheating is commonly done by people who are not ready for a full commitment in a relationship, but don't compromise their significant other and the status itself in the situation.

Psychologist Ty Tashiro explains that micro-cheating is related to emotional cheating, but this usually happens over the web or SMS.

Micro-cheating can be done in the following forms:

• Flirting with someone on social media
• Having an online dating profile
• Communicating with an ex

Impact of Micro-Cheating

Micro-cheating may not sound like a major deal breaker in a relationship, but once it becomes habitual, it can be a reason for separation.

People who deal with micro cheaters may feel the degradation of their relationship with their partner, causing the romantic connection to fall apart.

Protecting Yourself from Being Cheated On

No one can ever experience a relationship with no arguments, conflicts, or misunderstandings. Romance and affection are naturally imperfect.

However, facing these relationship struggles and shortcomings are not enough reasons to cheat on your partner. No one is denying the pain cheating can cause to anyone. It is something that should never be tolerated.

The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" doesn't always seem to hold true because if you and your partner are willing to talk and listen, both of you may still want to work it out the second time around.

Others are willing to forgive their partners, not because they are martyrs, but because they go back to what started the relationship — love.

Just remember that being cheated on once is your partner's fault, but being cheated on the second time means you're fooling yourself.

So when you commit to someone, don't forget to protect yourself from being cheated on.