How a Circle of Friends Helped Me Begin to Heal Myself

I was an incredibly lonely little girl. My family lived some distance from where I attended school, which made it difficult to have sleepovers or playdates. Not that anyone called them playdates back in the 80s. Though they are still two of the greatest people I've ever known, my constant companions as a young person were my grandparents. Although I'm grateful for the wisdom they imparted and the culture they shared with me now, at the time, I just really wanted friends my age to play with.

Growing up in such a secluded lifestyle didn't make it easy for me to make friends even once we moved somewhere else. I remember being so desperate for a friend, I would talk to anyone who would stand there and listen. This isn't necessarily the best or brightest way to find people to spend time with, but it's all I knew to do. My grandparents always listened and were good to me, so I presumed the rest of the world worked that way as well.

It would be long into adulthood before I learned good boundaries surrounding friendships and relationships. And even longer before I found that fabled circle of female friends I could count on and thrive within. Finding these amazing women to share my thoughts, hopes, and dreams with has helped me begin to heal myself more than anything else I've ever done. When I was younger, I thought I was only able to maintain friendships with guys. The girls in my life seemed just that, girls, not mature and unable to realize that friendships should come long before whatever boy du jour happened to catch everyone’s eye. The cattiness and immaturity that I found when I tried to be friends with other girls wasn’t worth it. Unfortunately, I found more of the same even when I became an adult and chose to shelter myself away from other women because the drama just wasn’t worth the ability to say, yes I have friends.

No one should exist in an echo chamber. A good friend will listen when you need to vent, help you get over a bad relationship, and if physically present, help you eat that gallon of ice cream you bought because you were sad. They'll also tell you when you're being an idiot, lovingly of course, and be there to help you figure out where you went wrong or what your part in it was.

The women of my circle are spread across the globe. I'm on the coast of NC, and my darlings are as far away as Berlin, Texas, Oregon, Idaho and New Mexico, with only one close by, in state. None of that keeps me from being able to reach out whenever I need to, or be available when one of them needs me. Yes, the distance can be constricting, there's nothing I would love better than for all of us to meet in a central location and complete this circle in person.

But the fact is, whether that ever happens or not, we're all connected by a thread. The energy we share with one another isn't bound by distance or proximity; it's bound by our friendship alone. What I’ve found with these women isn’t catty, immature, or self-serving. It’s wholesome, true, and needed more than I ever realized.

Healing oneself of a lifetime of negative thoughts, negative actions, and trauma is hard and powerful work. But it's a helluva lot easier when you share the burden. I’m one of the lucky ones, even though it took more years than I would have liked, to have co-created these bonds with such powerful women. And I’m thankful every single day.