HEAL

So many of us walk this earth in tragedy

trying to find our place

that missing link

wandering around

almost aimlessly

going no where really

but in a rush to go everywhere

Stop and ask yourself every once in a while

'Where am I going?'

'What am I in a rush to get too?'

And allow yourself to tell you the answer

You might be surprised at what you say...

We have trouble sleeping

poor digestion

mental illness

and so much more and we still linger

hurting others because we are hurt

hurting others because we cannot,

and will not,

heal ourselves

We are too scared to dig into our own pains to get to the root of our evil

and be able to heal,

truly heal

not the temporary fixes and facades we put on

Some of us are getting so good that we truly believe our own lies

Sitting in true fixation at our own master plans

we are swallowed whole

and then finally someone comes along and tells us that we are...

narcissists

control freaks

depressed

anxious

delusional

illogical

manipulative

and we do what we do best

we RUN

as fast as we can

burrowing ourselves back into our safe havens

just so we can ignore it all

and feel that we have control...

We manipulate our own selves into NOT understanding the truth

How Magnificent...

We listen to songs that tell us these lies

and feed into our egotistical pride

We are poor partners in relationships

and scar others because of all that we lack,

that we refuse to acknowledge because it would hurt us too much to do so

We refuse to face ourselves

truly terrified of change

and of our own emotions

For goodness sakes

does it ever stop

It is swallowing us whole

bit by bit

and we are the only ones that can stop it

Face yourself

You are truly terrified to heal

Terrified to touch or be touched,

emotionally, mentally, physically...

The lack of affection you had as a child

The lack of attention you sought as a child

The countless nights that you relive

You feed into your own depression like its actually consuming you

While you have the ability to consume it,

but you're so used to the excuses you make, and the sound of your own lies beating out of your own mouth to yourself

that you live in it now,

and see nothing wrong with that

Don't get me wrong,

it hurts

It all hurts

healing hurts

Nothing worth truly overcoming

having

accomplishing

will ever be easy

and if it was

well...

as the saying goes,

everyone would do it/have it

Sooooo

the truth in all of this remains

the main question that has began to haunt me as I dig deeper into the understanding of myself

"Why are you not helping yourself?"

Why are people so stuck,

afraid,

okay living in their own self pity

To be honest it is quite disgusting

and nothing,

I mean nothing,

to brag or boast about the ways we do

all over social media

to each other

against each other

living in this world where people are so closed off they think it is constantly someone else's fault that they are the ways they are

The refusal of CHANGE

the scariest word in the world, probably

Change...

The one thing that requires all of the things

The one thing that takes all of the things out of you

in you

around you

You will never be the same

The world around you will never be the same

The people will never be the same

And no matter how hard you try to stop it from happening

one day you're gonna look around

and BOOM

CHANGE

HAPPENED

And you will crash

Why?

Because the one thing you fear, we all fear, has happened

and we were not prepared for it

we are not/never prepared for it

and we do not know how to cope through it

in it

around it

So the toxic cycle continues

Hurt people hurt people...

my therapist told me that and this time it stuck

and so I decided to be a different one

I chose to heal

To change

and now I see all of you in a much different,

unattractive,

way.

HEAL,

if not for you,

do it for the generations of you's to come...