Happily Ever After Is Not Applicable to Most Relationships

What if I told you your love is not going to last? What if I told you forever is a lie?

If you are a hopeless romantic, you will probably chase me with a broom. Or your slipper. Maybe you’ll remain poised and remind me sternly why your relationship is none of my damn business.

And you are right. It isn’t.

Hey, I know how you feel. I have been there.

Here’s what I want to tell you — Most of your relationships will fall apart.

The same way candy floss melts in your mouth. The moment it touches your tongue, it feels like a sugar bomb explosion overwhelming your taste buds, and the next second, it’s gone. Wipe that drool off your face.

We all love forever

Remember your first love? The one you thought you would marry? My first love is married — just not to me.

Forever is everywhere. From fairytales and romance novels to Hollywood — we are constantly bombarded with this idea of love lasting for eternity.

It’s a concept that has its grip deep in our subconscious, even before we go to school. There's a statement my aunt likes to make whenever I meet her — “There’s someone out there for you to spend the rest of your life with.”

And I pray that is true with all my heart.

Because like you, I am a hopeless romantic. I want to meet my soulmate. The one. I want to live a long, happy life with him, and grab his wrinkly ass in the kitchen when we are 80.

The world claims if love is real, it must prove to be eternal. We invariably equate a genuine connection with long-lasting happiness. And if it lasts anything short of your partner’s death date, we see it as a failure.

But does love have to last forever? Is that the only kind of love we should be looking for?

I chased forever for many years

As an Indian, one criterion has to align for a potential date — religion.

Throughout my early twenties, I only dated a guy, if he was of the same faith. You see, I was in it for the long haul. If I knew something would not pan out, I wouldn’t even bother getting involved. No matter how wonderful the man was.

If it’s not going to last, I don’t want it.

Because forever was what I was looking for.

And one day, I found my forever, in a guy who checked all the boxes. That was it. The perfect match. The one.

Forever, unfortunately, lasted only for about four years. My dream guy made me miserable.

With this notion ingrained in my mind, I failed to see something — the beauty of relationships that don’t last.

Short-term love has value, too

If love truly is the most magical thing in the universe, why have we put constraints on it?

Yes, we all want our relationships to last till death do us apart. But, just because society sells us an idea of what love should look like, do we believe it?

There are many benefits to a long-term partnership. Many pleasures of love blossom with time. Trust is established, and you are now comfortable enough to fart in their presence.

When you are in it for the long haul, you open up to them offering tenderness and vulnerability you may have never displayed before. You will grow up together, learn to accept your flaws and theirs and work hard at building your life with them. And over time, the raging fire will change into a warm flame in your heart, no explosions, but always burning.

But when you know, it will not last? When you know that your beautiful relationship comes with an expiry date, something shifts within.

The charms of the long-term have been amplified so much that we look upon the short-term with disdain.

Short-term love has immense value, too.

When two people know there is a termination point, focus shifts to earning respect each day. Showing appreciation is never taken for granted — efforts are noticed and recognized immediately. What if you didn’t get to say it tomorrow?

Suddenly, differences are not a cause for arguments. When it isn’t forever, we can let our differences lie. When the journey is short, we can compromise, we can accept, and we can let things be. We surrender readily, their quirks and peculiarities becoming an unthreatening invitation to expand our minds.

The biggest lessons short-term love can teach you are acceptance — of your partner and yourself — and the realization that love does not have to last for it to be true.

It teaches you that to really love someone is to wish the best for them, with or without you.

I know because I am in one.

Many times I have looked at him, knowing this will not last. Even when tears threaten to spill with the thought, it makes me more grateful for having shared a small part of my life together.

Here’s the thing, love is love.

Whether it lasts for a few weeks, or an eternity, its meaning remains the same.

If we dated someone for a few weeks, we casually say it was nothing. But it was. Every experience is a lesson. Every single person you have loved has taught you something.

This idea that love should be long term, and anything less is a failure is debilitating. A relationship can end for various reasons. It doesn’t always have to be marred with guilt, shame, and bitterness.

Sometimes, endings can look like walking away for the best of both parties involved — a conscious decision.

You can either view endings as horrifying failures or a beautiful experience on your journey of life. I saw my breakup as a failure. And I was wrong.

If you allow space for short-term love in your life, you can walk away with a deep sense of appreciation and admiration you felt for someone that didn’t have to last for it to be beautiful.

All your relationships are not going to last forever. And it’s okay if it doesn’t.

Accept and learn to let go with grace.