Gunshots: “I was just minding my own business” a nurses tale

So I guess to start out with I need to introduce myself, sorta. Not too much because of privacy and all that. I guess I should also premise the fact that all my stories are true but the identity’s are being protected for all those involved, whether it be because of embarrassment or whatnot. Whatever floats your boat.

So as a nurse you can only imagine all of the shenanigans I see day in and day out. Patients have a way of keeping the truth from you even though we really don’t care. We don’t judge you. We just want to take care of you, and maybe know the real story so we can laugh about it later when another patient ticks us off. Regardless, most of the same stories are told for certain injuries. I work in reconstructive surgery so we have heard it all. Today’s story is titled

“Gunshots: I was just minding my own business”

The patient is male, he has a gunshot wound to the hand. I, the nurse just took off the dressing that was put on by the ER. I mean it is pretty bad and we are going to have to put pins in his finger to keep the bugger straight. The patient is sitting in front of me with the significant other and I’m worried he won’t be with us much longer if the doctor doesn’t come in soon. Let’s be honest he started getting pale once he saw his finger twisted, now we have worked up to a sweaty brow and a slight green color to his face. I’m talking to him trying to ease his mind, being curious I ask “what happened?”

“Well you wouldn’t believe it but I was asleep at home minding my own business and I just got shot it the hand.”

Righhhhttt.

The doctor comes in finally and asks the same thing I did, obviously getting the same response I did, but this time doc asks what the bullet in the butt came from.

The patient looking moritified sticks with the story.

My doctor having way too much fun with this then asks if maybe the gunshot to the butt was first, followed by a reactory hand grab and second shot to the tater getting the hand this time.

The patient who I’m sure wants to fall two floors down through our floor to disappear continues to stick with his story.

In the end that’s all I got. A non honest account of what happened.

But we know patients. We know.

The cherry on top?

A little old man in his nineties came in today. Gunshot to the hand. He has slept with a gun under his pillow his entire life and bless his soul he had a seizure and accidentally shot himself in the hand. He had no shame in telling us so matter of factly.

As he walked out today he turned and looked at our doctor and said “and I’ll be putting her under my pillow tonight. God gave me 10 fingers for a reason. Merry Christmas”

Oy.