Growing up

We neared the purchase of the game we'd searched three stores for. It required assistance from store personnel so I turned to see if there was anyone at the electronics desk only to see that someone was already coming to us. I was disappointed that they didn't work for one of our local Targets but instead our local cable/internet/cellphone companies.

"Hey there!" they greeted us warmly. This being our second Target electronics section of the day, this was our second Bundle Boy of the day, but both Daryl and I have worked enough jobs to feel bad and not treat these people terribly. "Can I ask who your phones are through?"

"We just barely joined my dad's plan," Daryl said, holding up their phone. "Like we help pay, but we're with him." As I slipped away to get help they explained our phones and phone plan. I found someone on the phone who was happy to take a break from it to come help.

I walked back to "And what's your TV?"

"Oh that one's under my parents," I smiled. My parents let us live with them and generally take care of us. I'm disabled and we knew while dating and getting married that if we ever moved it wouldn't be far away since my family and I would always be stuck in this wonderful and disastrous cycle of co-dependence. "We're moochers."

The Bundle guy laughed and started backing away as the Target guy came to assert dominance. "I would say do that for as long as you can."

The thing is, Bundle guy was probably underestimating our ages. It's a thing that happens often. Daryl was recently told they needed their parent to get samples and when they retreated to my mother, she promptly told the lady "they're an adult!" Daryl is in their late 20's and I'm in my mid 30's. Both of us are behind in life. I'm disabled, though last year I tried very hard to prove that I was ready to get back out into life... I was not. I worked just long enough to pay for enough of our wedding and then was unmovable for two weeks. Daryl didn't have a drivers license until recently. Although they're college educated, until they moved to my rent free home, all of their money was going to rent.

We're married now. We have been for a few months, and something is itching under our skin. We want stability, to grow up and be our own people. I had a car before I became too sick to drive, but I gave it to my mother and some kid totaled it with her inside. Right now because of the pandemic, Daryl drives the van it was replaced with... when it's not in the shop, like it is today. "For the last time!" my parents assure me.

"You're way more optimistic than I am." I tell them.

But it's not just that it's a faulty car, it's that it's not ours. We love everything they do for us, but at some point we have to grow up. We love the rent free apartment room in the basement, but we also know that there are times that avoiding the hassle of getting me down stairs is worth paying for.

I've closed some things that were draining money. I've opened up an investing account to go along with our others (sort of like a disability 401k). It won't be as effective because I don't have an employer matching, but at least I'll have some savings to match with Daryl's. And... well I'm here. Writing, reading, hoping I can be seen. I guess this is my "resolution." To grow up, without growing up. We just want the car, the money, and the house please. We'll still chase after Pokémon and roll around with cats and dogs when we can.