Goodbye my lover

This 11.11.22 is a bittersweet day.

it was suppose to be my 11th wedding anniversary,

though I have chosen to delve into the love affair with myself.

Goodbye my lover goodbye my friend the song by James Blunt has been rolling around in my head for this past week.

The memories picking up people ready for a wedding wedding where I got to be the princess for the day the wedding that I have been dreaming and longing for for years and years and years. Yet it wasn’t what you wanted.

You didn’t want to get married, you didn’t want to have more kids, you’re a big kid yourself in your own way you wanted to just be a lover and I wanted the whole package. Im sorry for wanting so much from you.

🙏🏼Thank you for all of the beautiful things that we created together.

🙏🏼Thank you for the sweet sweet angels that we share.

🙏🏼Thank you for showing me that I can hold myself, and I am strong and powerful and smart and that I am deserving and worthy of love especially my own love.

🙏🏼Thank you for not loving me and meeting me where I was at, so I could learn to love me more deeply

🙏🏼 thank you for the karmic ties that have been resolved

💗 I am so deeply grateful for all of the gifts that I have uncovered within myself.

I’ve not needed to get anything from the end of this. I don’t need anything from you.

I have been nursing my broken heart for a really long time.

I’ve really been nursing my heart for as long as we’ve been together.

In the past I was shameful, guilty, I blamed myself for everything that happened. So I should’ve walked away when I said it was over, before it began.

I never believed that I was worthy of more than what you were giving me, when you said you were the only one that was going to love me, I believed you.

Perhaps if I didn’t get raised to believe that you don’t say a promise that you can’t keep, perhaps I would’ve seen things differently. I would’ve done all the things differently.

There is no point in dwelling on all of the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve, all of the things.

I consciously uncouple today from the hand-fasted promises that I made.

I claim back all of the pieces of me and give back all if the pieces that I have from you.

I let you go with a grateful heart for all that we had.

I have now learnt what I want to call into my life, what my boundaries will look like, what green and red flags look like.

I know that holding hands to me is something that I want in my life.

I want compassionate, clear communication which flows both ways. And to lift each other up in each other’s dreams.

I now know that I don’t need anyone or anything to complete me. I fill up my own chalice/cup with the things that bring me joy, I laugh, I dance and sing.

And when I do allow someone into my heart and life again it will be that we compliment each other. Like a flower it needs a balance of sun, water, dirt, nourishment so that it can grow deep roots and allow the flower to bloom.

I do know that whether or not in coupleship I will be spreading, Illuminated Love from deep in my heart which will be guiding me along the way, raising the vibration of the collective consciousness.