Good Deeds: A Sustainable Community Health Model

Most of the time people react to the “I’ve been living in NYC” response with passive, aggressive or assuming remarks about New Yorker’s rough exteriors. The once safe icebreaker question now warrants an awkward, juggling response... see, while I expect to be slammed with cab doors while bike riding, triple slapped by weather, relationships and train times on the same day, I’ve been stunned by more “did that just happen, people are so beautiful” moments.

I’ve been the recipient of so many good deeds living here and over time I feel that developing into a spidey sense towards opportunities to care for others or be a connector between people. Makes sense that I ended up working in the child welfare system right out of college. And almost four years into that work, I’m making the connections, seeing how layers of life can come together to build a bridge to good deeds past usual barriers. I say that with humbleness, because God and the Universe, learning and receptivity to community fosters that awareness. For example, while advocating on my Instagram when at protests this summer, people from all over my life and the world unexpectedly sent money via Venmo to support the New York Black Lives Matter movement. That was an encounter with good deeds that made an exciting opportunity happen that we’ll get to soon. I mean, we’re in a time of collective crisis! I didn’t expect generosity and such active empathy to overflow.

Back to being new in New York. It became surprisingly livable because a couple people chose to see me and show up for me. Then we kept showing up for each other, coming to the table and choosing to grow together. I see strong communities and deep roots all over NYC. Maybe because it’s like a Choose Your Own Reality city every day; you decide to walk with people, see why they benefit you or you walk alone. Most people have tried the latter at least once. It was shambly though you started strong and everyone can see under your mask. Hence the stereotype.

I might have also been susceptible to the big crazy family energy of this city because I grew up being blessed and sustained by a family centered way of living and long for it all the time (except when feeling extra angst).

I am privileged to have been born into a mixed race family, where immediate and extended on both sides blended. A “collect your baby after church”, no one left behind, deep roots, strong ties community with legacies of love. I come from never wanting though not having a lot and feeling, being different but still valued, and all I have ever witnessed is the great benefit of exchanging kindness--a good deed. I quickly realized that modeling my community was my greatest strength when I began working in the NYC Foster Care system.

In my eyes, the child welfare system makes the State parent to people. That unnatural head of the family is not doing a great job fostering the stronger together energy we need to thrive. It often misses out on fostering the come as you are, take what you need community that supports people when they’re going through real shit and needing tangible support, not judgment or more barriers. Working within the system makes me a gatekeeper to both the positive and negatives of this industry, so I seek to advocate, not perpetuate. One way I do this is applying an equity and inclusion lens to every aspect of my work, especially when engaging and empowering youth through mindfulness, art and writing. Over time, I found that the young adults in my workshops were not just confiding in me about themselves, but also some close friends going through hard experiences. Around Spring 2020, a couple clients connected me to those individuals they’d confided in me about, sharing that their friends knew to trust me and be honest.

I said yes, because experience had proved to me that we need each other to not just make it, but thrive here in New York, especially as 18-20 somethings. This is the core of what I believe good deeds to be—nurturing, empowering and helping intention put into action, to support not hurt, springing from authenticity. My clients sharing what they found meaningful was a good deed that has had a rippling impact. I had the opportunity to put into action with honest intention my training, skills and connections to support life outside of work. I knew from my work that I can nurture a safe, transparent environment and protect these individuals’ trust. I know that more honesty means more intentional connections to support.

Here was the opportunity to model the family and community blend that grew me to young people who weren’t within the system and weren’t currently connected to a community that could support their needs. Whether those were figuring out how to work, where to live, how to apply for social services, think about the future when the present was wild, feel connected during COVID, or paying a phone bill.

It was a discussion around that last point that triggered a good deed that crossed multiple state lines, generations and experiences.

I’m freezing in line for a COVID test right before the holidays texting with a young man about how we can stay on track with a work referral when he can’t pay his bill. I’m composing a text asking if I could pay his bill as a holiday gift when an Instagram notification pops up on the screen. It’s a friend from growing up, commenting on my story. We haven’t been close in years, but since quarantine they’ve been sending me mad love, most recently two Adrienne Marie Brown books.

The experiences at protests come to mind. I didn’t ask for anything then, but what if I did now?

So I posted some stories asking if anyone wanted to give some love to the little family forming around me: those people outside of work I had the privilege to support with my skills, learning and occasionally money for food, a shared love. After two minutes, a high school acquaintance DM’d asking where to send the money, saying they appreciate the work I do. Honestly, I had to stalk her page to remember her.

A couple hours later my Venmo balance almost surpassed my bi-weekly pay pre-taxes. Now, I’m a bachelors level, mental health provider in foster care people, it’s not much of a paycheck, but for social media fundraising I was floored. And so grateful.

It’s really important to have the finances to meet your daily and ongoing needs, but I knew that while a helpful amount of money for the moment, this holiday love was only going to help out for so long. People didn’t just chip in to send out a few Visa gift cards. These people in different ways support my life on the regular. They’re part of shaping me or actively doing so now or they’re people I admire and model. Now they’re part of the community family I’m blessed to be part of building. The family community model might just be the tangible that lasts past the cash, for all of us out here trying to thrive amidst not having stable housing, income or coming from a family that can meet our needs or nurture us.

While COVID has separated us from others and experiences in many ways, I’ve witnessed the coming together of what felt safely separate, compartmentalized. I feel like the quarterback of a legendary team made of people from all over my timeline. Team goal? Show all these kids I love (and can’t name) that we don’t just slide through on holidays with cash, we’re a family that has their back. Every season.