God Doesn't Love You

In order for me to explain how I've come to feel the truth of the title of this piece, I've got to give you some background on me and my upbringing. It'll all make sense and tie in if you just bare with me.

The first time I had the feeling that humans were an experiment and God might just be a scientist, it was around 2012-13 when I was incarcerated for probably the fifth time, questioning my life and existence. I wondered what our purpose was here, really, and why such a "loving God" would place us on such a planet, with such hurtful people, and internal wars stemming from so much confusion. The 'loving God' thing was a direct result of my strict Christian upbringing, and we were supposed to be his "children." The first time I questioned that belief, was after my first sexual assault in high school where "God's child" was raped in a bathroom at school, and my religous parents said God allowed it as punishment for my sins. Yikes! My Heavenly Father knew about this? And allowed it? What kind of joke was this?! So at sixteen, I began to question many of the beliefs I had been progammed to accept about God and his relation to us [humans]. I just didn't have it in me to accept a god that would punish or chastise his children in such a way. For sins.. ppfttt. So then, began my search for the true meaning of human life, my purpose, and who God really is.

I landed in quite a few lessons about God during that prison stay. I have since, come to use the terms God, Universe, the Gods, Divine and Source interchangeably. What I received when I asked, were messages I could handle at that point in my life; the Universe can only meet us where we are and upgrade us as our search continues. So what they'd answered, as far as my question about them, was: there are many Gods. God, being a word we [humans] created, as I don't believe they have such a word. They just are? Anyway, there are many of them and they each have different input on the human creation, like scientists working on an experiment together to prove a theory. That's about as far as I got there and it wouldn't be until almost ten years later that idea came back around.

In the meantime, I did a lot of healing of my own human and managed to develop a close relationship withe the spiritual beings that wanted to guide me on my quest for understanding. That healing began first in that jail, where I mentally, emotionally and spiritually worked on my human for seventeen months, in one of the hardest, but best places to work on a transformation. Then at my release in 2014, I worked on getting my avatar in the best physical condition I could, so that my healing was taking place in all areas of my life. I am giving so much background on what I did, to give clarity around the idea that we only have access to certain memories of who we truly are, by reaching certain levels of healing, in our own individual bodies. The Universe cannot relay messages to a host, that is unable to decipher them through too much human progamming and unhealed trauma. The healthier and more healed we become, the more we are aligned with our higher selves, connected to Source and able to remember all that we are. Remember that.

For about five years after release, I spent the majority of my time focused on getting my body into the best shape, since years of drug addiction and self-hate had taken a toll on it. I dabbled here and there with more theories of God, but my physical life took over, so being an athlete and fitness professional came first. Fast-forward to 2019 and a gym client said something at the front desk after morning classes, and that turned into a two-hour conversation about us, as spiritual beings. Turns out she was a medium and also my mother in a past life. I would go on to have encounters like this for the next three or so years, sparking my fire to begin again, the search I had paused some years ago. In 2020 I sufffered probably the toughest heartbreak of my life, got a DUI, and was back in jail, all while dealing with the world shutting down. It really made me start asking some questions to the Universe again.

By the Fall of that year I decided I was going to make another drastic change; I was going to actively and intentionally heal myself and be open, again, to the Universe guiding me through that process. I was led to magic mushrooms, or psilocybin. For the past two plus years, I have been to the far edges of the Universe where there is nothing but a black and soundless void, where I was nothing, to the deepest connected spaces of all worlds where you can experience hearing colors and seeing sounds, where I was everything. I have been to other worlds, and I have seen the creations and creatures in other realms. I have seen your darkest nightmare and your most desired, fantasy dreamworld come to life. And through it all I've come to understand that outside of the Human, there is no love. Love is a human emotion, and one to which we give meaning and power. The Gods do not love, for they have no need for it. They watch over and guide us into ascension when we seek it. If the Universe loved the way humans love, it would never allow for ceratin things to happen. Things that help us grow, connect, and ascend.

Follow me for a moment.. If you love someone, would you allow them to encounter harmful situations that could kill them? Would you want, say, your child to experience being beaten within an inch of their life because of their sexual preference? Would you want your cousin to have a baby that was mentally disabled or diagnosed with a terminal illness that leaves them in excruciating pain? Would you want your old neighborhood in your home country to be blown to pieces, with body parts of young children and babies, mothers and fathers, lining the streets? No because you Love them too much to want to see them suffer. So why the hell would a loving God see and allow all of this to be happening down here on Earth to "his children." It's simple, love has nothing to do with it. The Gods, the Universe, Source, they're indifferent to us. We are pieces of them, crafted in their likeness, but with human qualities for experimentation. They want to see what we do and how we behave given certain laws and powers, and put into various situations. — In the beginning, Source wanted to know itself wholly, so it split itself into billions of different parts so it could see and understand itself through those parts. Some of those parts are you and me. — So it ain't love that God has for us, it's scientific interest at best. A scientist, unlike a parent, is detached emotionally from an experiment, but more concerned with the progression of the experiment, if you will. For humans, the Gods care about our growth and ascension. They want to see if we can remember our true essence, divinity,and connection to them, in spite of all the obstacles they've created to make us forget. Love is one of those obstacles. To explain that, I'd have explain a few other human emotions.

Hate is another human emotion, and it sits just opposite love. Fear and anger, are also two more human emotions. Often these human emtions can be felt at such a level that they overcome our rational brain and we make many decisions that we would not have, without those emotions present. Have you ever loved an ex so much that you stuck around for their abuse? Or have you ever felt so much fear, you were frozen in your tracks? How about anger, ever say or do something that you couldn't take back while you were angry? Exactly, these are real, powerful emotions that when left unchecked and allowed to run freely, can cause us great harm. Why would the Gods have any use for that in their world? Love and other emotions, are of our world.

Think about it, when you die, you shed this human shell and return back to Source. Your soul returns back to the ultimate connection to the Divine. All are One, there. There is no anger, no rage, no hate, no separation, so why would there by love or empathy or any other human emotion. There is simply no need for Love outside of the human condition. Love is a power created for humans. The personality (ego) needs love, the higher self needs and seeks understanding. If you are a soul that understands itself as a human, and encounters another soul that understands itself as a human, there is no need for love. You will connect with that human in an energetic field that reaches far beyond the limitations of even love. A Divine connection is one that surpasses love. For the Universe surpasses love.

A few weeks ago, I was watching an old docuseries on Netflix called "Ancient Aliens," where historical experts and archaeologists discuss the findings at ancient civilization sites around the world, where technology, astrology, and math, far beyond their time, existed, and is still more accurate than even some of our technology and math, today. The experts on the series attribute much of their advancements to alien visits. From the ancient Maya and Inca, to da Vinci, to the ancient Egyptians, there are many who believe they were all visited and taught by aliens, or gods. These civilizations all had their own version of the human creation story and they all seem to resemble each other's, with 'gods' that seem very similar in description and/or depiction. They didn't have the technology to have shared the same information over such great distances, at that time, so it had to have been the same god, or gods visiting, to give them knowledge of the Earth and of themselves. One thing these ancient stories also share is promise of a return of their god, "one day." Even as a Christian, we were taught that God would "return for his people." Then they move to talk about more recent alien sitings and abductions. What's interesting about the abductions, is what was alleged to have happened to the humans taken. Samples of blood and semen were taken along with reproductive eggs; even a half-alien-half-human embryo was allegedly harvested from one woman on her second abduction, just months after her initial encounter. I sat with each episode for hours on end and contemplated what it could all mean.

So why were humans created in the first place? What's our true purpose? And what's love got to do with it? Here's where I am today with it: we are scientific experiements, for lack of more sophisticated terminology. All scientific experiment began as a quesiton that needed to be answered. The Gods, or our creators, are scientists that want to know the answer to a question, so they created us. The question: can humans overcome emotions and grow from trauma, to realize their Divine connetion to each other, to Source, and to Earth (Gaia), and protect her as the Mother she is, even with knowledge and use of technology? That's it. Our purpose was simply to overcome and control all human emotions, connect to ourselves and Source (and in turn, each other), and take care of mother Earth.

And what have we done? So far we've proven that Hate, Fear, Greed and even Love are more important than [Father] God and [Mother] Earth. We have chosen to succumb to the emotions that fuel our destructive, disconnected, over-comsumeristic behavior that's destroying us, our neighbors, and the planet we live on.

For Earth, they wanted to create a population of sentient beings that had what no other planet in our Universe has, a physical body capable of containing a spiritual being. A body that could experience five senses effrortlessly and autonomously. And with a bit of work, more senses would arise. So they made our physical body mostly of the Earth and water (think of this as the mother). Our energetic body is made up of pieces of the Gods themselves. Divine, energetic pieces of God (think of this as the father). They mixed their ethereal divinity with Earth's physicalness and beauty. Inside of every human exists the energy of God, so therefore, every human is God. And inside of every human exist the solidity and grounding of Earth, so every human is Earth.

Here's the clincher: free will. What no other sentient being on Earth possesses, besides humans, is free will. The biggest part of the experiment, was: there is no law that exist on Earth that says in order to live as a human, you must heal, connect to source, and care for the planet. Nope. Free will, baby. It gives us the power of Gods, right here on Earth. Their older experiments didnt have this! Dinosaurs operated on instinct alone and so did the cave man. Both were destroyed in major Earth catastrophes, I'm assuming as experiments that just didn't work out. The human is god-like, however. We can wake up and choose to be whatever we want and there really is no immediate consequence. We can choose to be "good"or we can choose to be "bad" and it really makes no difference to the Gods. They don't love us and they don't hate us; we are their experiement and they are observing and reporting (making minor tweaks here and there with Earth visitations and imparting of knowledge to certain humans, pushing a civilization in a certain direction for further study).

But there is a consequence that many of us have realized, already. If we continue down the road of human and planetary destruction we're on, the human race won't make it much further and Earth will be destroyed. Another clincher! If we can't figure out a way to heal, get connected to Source, to use love as a tool (rather than getting swept up in the illusion that it'll fix everything), and fix the damage we've caused to the Earth, there won't be life on Earth before long.

So can we change the course of this Human Experiment? God doesn't love us. God wants to observe our behavior and aid in our ascension, should we seek it out. Will we seek their assistance or is this another washed experiment? Should they just prepare for the destruction of Earth, yet again? I guess that's for us to decide, with our free will and all..