Gemini Horoscope May 24, 2021

Gemini, you are in luck today. The moon reflecting the light off of Mercury, flashing back to Venus, bouncing off Saturn, going right through Neptune, slingshotting around Pluto, and heading back towards the Earth means you will find your one true love. You will fall in love with a 35 year old Aries named Rufus. He lives at home in his parent’s basement, so keep your eyes peeled and your ears opened. He doesn’t get out much. The best place to meet him is at a Star Wars Con. You should wear a Chewbacca costume if you really want to impress him. Watch out for Greedo however. Han missed, despite shooting first. If you don’t pay attention, Mr. Right will walk right past you and start dating that blonde Cancer dressed like Princess Leia. She may be dangerous, but you had your head so far up ‘where the sun don’t shine’, that you missed him.

Your creative senses are all the buzz today. Write that song, take that photograph, you may just win thousands of dollars, maybe even become famous. Or nothing will happen at all. Why are you asking me?

Your friendships with flourish as your birthday approaches. A couple of friends will want to go out drinking and partying. Just go easy on the sauce. You tend to overdo it. Also, don’t let your bipolar self start a tornado’s whirlwind when your best friend forgets it’s your birthday. People never know what to expect with you. One minute your Dr. Jekyll, the next your Mr. Hyde. Ease up there Pat Solitano, Jennifer Lawrence will not be teaching you to dance anytime soon. More like, never. Kudos to you for being the bigger person for once and allowing karma to take care of your ex-boyfriend who cheated on you. The girl he cheated on you with, cheated on him. Now he is sitting at home watching theHallmark channel and eating rocky road straight from the tub. So far he’s gained 20 pounds and hasn’t showered or shaved in a week. You really dodged a bullet with that loser!

Your celebrity twin flame is Chris Evens, you know, the hottie that played Captain America. He seems like a genuinely nice guy. Maybe…. don’t even think about it. He is way out of your league. In fact, he’s way out of Scarlet Johansson’s league. The Red Skull has a better chance than you.

Your financial status would improve dramatically if you would stop spending all your money. You are so impulsive, you don’t even use that slap chop you bought six months ago. Stop buying every new up and coming gadget and save your money. No, you do not need an Oura Ring. You already have an Apple Watch.

You have other signs you’re compatible with besides Aries. Such as: Leo, Libra, and Aquarius. So I do not know why you are so bent out of shape over Rufus anyway. There are other losers in the sea. Stay away from Virgo and Pisces, they will cause your multiple personalities to switch rapidly.

Stay home this weekend as there will be a fight at your local bar when your Mr. Right finds out the blonde Cancer is sleeping with his best friend.

All in all, you have a decent future. Just remember to keep your personalities in check, start saving money, and not allowing the zodiac to predict your love life. Love happens when it is supposed to. Not when planets align, or lights reflect. Horoscopes are generalized with vague predictions in order to make most people read them and think they were written specifically for them and will come, or are true. Stop reading horoscopes, they’re all BS.

Seriously, stop reading horoscopes, like right now.