From Toxic to Healthy

How must one know if they are in a toxic relationship or if they are in a healthy relationship? Well if you wake up feeling like you are unworthy every day that could be a sign that you are in a toxic relationship. Now waking up feeling great about life well then you have nothing to worry about, you are right where you need to be. Being with someone who is toxic can come in many forms and can often lead to abuse. Being with someone who is healthy for you comes in many different positive forms and helps so much on your mental health than anything.

I have been in a few toxic relationships myself. We were always arguing. I wasn't really allowed to do anything unless it was on his terms. He was very verbally abusive. I thought that he was the love of my life. I let his verbal abuse happen all the time and never would do anything about it. I started to get really depressed. I distanced myself from family and friends when I really shouldn't have. I would do what he wanted me to do but it still wasn't enough for him. I really wasn't sure who I was anymore. Was this the girl I always wanted to be? No. Was I with the type of person I said I wanted to be with. Never in a million years.

He was the type of person I swore up and down my whole life that I would never date. Then why did I date him? He never seemed to be like that type of person in the beginning. Once he got comfortable with me his true colors began to shine. When they did shine it was nothing but dark mixed with a few bright red flags.

After putting myself through that for a year I had finally decided that I needed to get out. That i was better than that and had deserved so much more. That he viewed me as unworthy but I am worthy. I am more than worthy. To him I was just another girl he could have but to me I was a girl looking for so much more. A best friend, someone to share my secrets with, who I could laugh with over the stupidest things. My soulmate and my forever.

After leaving him I felt so relieved. It was as if the weight that I have been carrying around had finally been lifted off of my shoulders. I had started working out again. Doing the things I loved to do. Reading, writing, listening to all kinds of music not just the same old songs he would always listen to. I would travel to different stores and places. Go for long hikes seeing he never would want to go. I got back into riding my bike which hopefully when the spring hits again would like to start riding a lot more. I was just more happy than I had been for a long while.

After awhile I then started seeing someone new. Wasn't going to let my guard down for I didn't want to go through what I already been through and left all over again. I found a really sweet and genuine man. Someone who puts me first and always has me as his priority every day. A man who tried so hard to try to keep me happy when it honestly doesn't take much. A man who loves me for me and wouldn't want to change me. I'm his Queen just as he is my King.

There is always a smile on my face. I am a better person now. I am close with my family again. I have a job that I am going to work hard for. An amazing relationship with my boyfriend that I wouldn't want to change for anything else or with anyone else. It gets difficult at times because I have to unlearn all the toxic traits that I once knew and it makes it hard but at the same time being in a healthier relationship has taught me so much more and overall has made me more of a positive person. If i was able to go from toxic to healthy so can you. If you need any help my inbox is always open to talk. Stay strong my Queens and kings. Seeing toxic ways can go both ways in a relationship. xoxo ~Bianca <3