First Love Or Not That Is The Question

When I was seventeen years old I thought the guy I would marry  ,the future father of my kids was already in my life.  Is it not funny when you are seventeen you think you got it all figured out? When you are twenty -five or thirty you realize you were just a kid and had no clue at all about real love.  I thought I was with whom at that time was to be considered my first love , and in a sense he was . I did truly care about him, but he really was not my real love . The feelings may have been true, but it was not true love. It was not the kind of live that burns deep in your soul.

Back then we thought of our first love being the first kiss, first realtionship, first long term relationship in our lives. The first person we lived with or had sex with. But it is not that simple.

Have you really thought about what a first love really means to you? I didnt even really ask myself this until I was in my thirties. Not until my then boyfriend told me that I was his first and last love. Wait... how could I be his first love when he had been engaged before, he had loved before, he had lived with a woman before?

When he had explained to me though why he felt that way I saw that he did have a point. He felt that because I was the person he could be himself with, the first person the he really saw a real future with, the first time he felt truly loved, I in all meaning of the words was his first love.

Before he felt like he was a roommate, he was used. abused, and cheated on. However, with me he never felt like that at all. He saw things in me that he prayed for and thought he would never find. He said now that he had found me that he vowed to himself to never let me go.

I thought about my old boyfriend, the boyfriend that was my first everything. And I asked myself why was I so certain he was the one. I was so young I was seventeen when we got serious and I will not say I did not or still do not care about him because I did , I still do. However, was it true love, real love? Probably not. Sorry to say bud, but now I look back and wonder if it was all really what I thought it was. Did he think I was his one and only or did he think we were just a stop on the way to his true love? He probably thought at the time that we would end up married and that I was to be the mother of his kids, but I was not meant to be the one.

When I think of my husband at that age when he believed he would marry someone else I wonder what made him think she was the one. Was it that he was young and in that first love stage?

Or did he see something in her he wanted in his life?

I wonder if he saw the same thing in me. I wonder what it was that he saw in me that with out a shadow of a doubt told him that I was the true one for him.

If we met today would he still find this in me? Would I still see the things in him that I did when we first met.