Finding Wisdom in a Dream

I jolted awake, an electric current propelling through my body. I laid there for a moment with my eyes closed, allowing the energy to swirl through me. I was afraid to open my eyes, thinking if I did, that this feeling of vitality would leave just as quickly as it had arrived.

Just then, I remembered the dream I was having before I abruptly woke up. I rarely remember dreams, but for some reason this was vivid, imprinted in my mind's eye. It was a barn owl staring at me intently. I felt as if it were igniting something awake within me. I tried grasping for details surrounding the image, but nothing came to mind.

Shrugging it off, I rolled back the covers and planted my feet firmly on the cold, hardwood floor. It was autumn in Moon, PA. Normally, this was my favorite time of year, but lately I’ve felt disconnected. I could feel a void inside of me. Anytime my attention lingered on the void for too long, my mind would start pulling in a million directions, creating narrative after narrative. When I tried to look within, it felt uncomfortable, so I shoved it away and buried myself in daily responsibilities.

It was still early and the apartment building was quiet. Other than my thoughts starting to string themselves together in an endless song, the only other thing I could hear were my cats cooing at me to hurriedly feed them their breakfast. I felt a smile spread across my face. I teased, “You two act like you haven’t eaten in days.” Splashing food in their dish, I put coffee on and started the shower.

Heading to the store before work, I made my way down a winding road. My eyes rested on the rolling hills that surrounded me. The leaves were starting to shift from rich shades of green to soft yellows and deep burgundies, cascading themselves upon Earth’s floor as the trees ended their life cycles. I used to find so much beauty in the fall foliage, but the disconnect within me seemed to have shut off my senses. This void that deepens, laced with uncertainty and unease, numbing my ability to find clarity and connection with life around me.

Walking into the convenience store on the corner of 5th and 3rd, I nodded politely to the cashier that seemed to always be there when I stopped in. I heard a young girl talking excitedly to her friend in the aisle next to me, “It was beautiful! We went hiking up the hills and then made lunch at the cabin. I wish you could’ve been there, I felt so alive.”

I started to sense this life force shift into my body after listening to her. It was the same electric vitality I felt in the dream with the barn owl last night. I tried to hold onto that feeling of simple pleasure, but it faded as soon as my attention was pulled towards the TV in the corner. It was blaring the local news, each headline filled with fear and negativity. I looked away, it was hard to ingest.

The bell on the door jingled behind me as I left the shop to go to work. I felt this resistance climbing up my torso. My thoughts began to mirror the resistant energy in my body, seeming to magnify the negative feeling. I thought to myself, “How do I fix this feeling?” My thoughts drifted back to the young girl in the convenience store. “How do I feel alive? Content with what is?” The solution oriented fire I felt washed away as I pulled into the parking lot.

“Hey Annie, you okay? You seem distracted today,” said my co-worker Jess, pulling me out of my scattered mind.

“I had this dream last night and when I woke up, I felt so alive. I just wish I could feel that all of the time. It’s familiar to me yet it feels distant. It’s been on my mind all morning.”

“What was happening in the dream?” Jess asked.

“All I can remember is feeling connected and happy. Also, there was an owl staring at me,” I laughed at how absurd this sounded saying it out loud.

Jess cut through my giggles, “Maybe it’s trying to shed light on something.”

Her words lingered in the silence around me, triggering the void inside of me. I tried to realign my focus on the emails that were starting to pile up inside of my inbox.

I couldn’t focus the rest of the day. Usually I find myself buried in to do lists and staying productive, but today felt different. I slammed my laptop closed, grabbed my keys, and decided to head for the hills.

The warm afternoon sun splashed on my skin as I drove towards the hiking trails in the nearby forest. Parking my car, I decided to leave my phone in the glovebox. Something from within was signaling me to disconnect from distractions in order to ignite connection with the present moment.

I walked the trails, unsure of how long I had been there. My only sense of time was watching the sun slowly sink in the horizon. I paused in a clearing and sat on a blanket of crisp leaves. Leaning my back against the base of a tree, I closed my eyes. My mind went silent for a moment, allowing my body to perceive what was happening around me. I heard the faint tune of birds singing in the distance. I felt my hair dancing in the warm breeze, tickling my skin.

The stillness in my mind started stirring up sensations of peace and ease in my body. “How do I maintain this connection with peace?” I thought to myself. This thought webbed itself into a series of other thoughts, soon finding myself pulled out of the moment I’m in. The energy in my body shifted from tranquility to the familiar void. All of a sudden I felt defeated.

My mind started up again, “How can I feel so good and then feel empty right after?” Silence answered me. I went to reach for my phone, then I realized I had left it in the car. It hit me how I tend to distract myself when I’m feeling uncomfortable, rather than just sitting with it and allowing the discomfort to be there.

I closed my eyes again, hoping to quiet my thoughts and bring back the feeling of connection with the present moment. Suddenly the image of the owl flashed in my mind and I heard, “Surrender to the present moment regardless of what is happening. There will be good times and bad times. Trust that you can ride life’s waves with ease and grace.” I snapped my eyes open, looking around in bewilderment. I thought, “Where did that message come from?” Searching for an answer, the noisy stream of incessant thinking started up again. Although this is how my mind usually operated, it didn’t feel natural.

I turned my attention to my body. Feeling the tree supporting my back and the Earth serving as a soft cushion beneath me, the messages started up again, “Quiet the thoughts in your mind by focusing your attention on your presence within this moment. Clearing your mind allows for the body to feel a connection with life’s simple pleasures.” Instead of looking for an answer or a narrative to identify by, I felt myself let go and surrender. Feelings of freedom coursed through my body, a weight lifted off of my soul.

The feeling of freedom only lasted a few short moments before my mind wanted to analyze and attempt to figure out what was occurring inside of me. I realized that although there is a lot in life that’s out of my control, where I choose to focus my mind is within my control.

I noticed the sun had set behind the hills and I figured I should head back to the car. The gradient that remained lit up the horizon with streaks of orange and pink hues. I paused, my mind still, allowing my body to sense the beauty being emitted from the sky. A surge of emotion welled up inside of me, gratitude gripping my heart. Grateful for the Earth, to be here now, alive.

As I walked back to the car, I noticed thoughts trying to chatter away in my head. I patiently shifted my focus to the dirt path beneath me, the warmth in my cheeks and the leaves rustling in the wind. Each time I did this, the stillness grew stronger and the noise within subsided.

I realized by the time I had pulled into the driveway that I hadn’t checked my phone. “That’s odd,” I thought. It was nice just being with myself in the moment without any screen time or distractions.

I laid in bed that night trying to conceptualize all of the waves of energy I felt during the day. I scanned my mind, but it kept linking itself to logic and pre-conditioned mental structures. I started to feel cluttered inside. Recalling the clarity I felt in the forest, I shifted my attention to my hands resting gently on my belly and my head laying on the silk pillowcase. My mind became still again and my senses suddenly felt connected. I allowed the connection to just be there without any judgment or interpretation.

All of a sudden I heard, “Free yourself by freeing your mind. Majority of the thoughts that carry on in the mind are an illusion. What is the point in thinking so much?” I paused for a moment, letting the message sit there. I wanted to know where this was coming from, and then it hit me. The message is coming from inside of me. Quieting the mind allows for the wise, inner voice to say its piece.

“Everything’s connected,” I heard from within. “The ability to find clarity and connection is all within you. Not outside of you. Shift your focus to the simplicity of the moment and notice the wisdom and peace that can emerge when given the space to do so.”

Not only did I feel connected within myself, I also felt the interconnectedness of all living things. “Maybe the owl is symbolic of the wisdom that’s buried deep within me,” my inner voice suggested. I smiled, feeling at home with myself for the first time.

As my eyelids grew heavy, the rest of my body felt light. Grateful to experience the sweet simplicity of this moment, I let everything go other than a peaceful stillness that carried me into a deep sleep.