Finding Balance in Relationships

In this opinion piece I will try to simplify an issue that I think everyone can relate to: Finding and maintaining a healthy relationship. As I said, I'm going to try and simplify this, so there may be a logical fallacy sprinkled in somewhere, but that's okay. My view is limited to my own experience, but even with these limitations I want to carry on this conversation. Hopefully someone can take this torch and carry it to bigger and brighter places. I think the key to a happy/healthy relationship is balance.

There, it's been simplified. Have a nice day now.

Of course it's not as simple as "balance", nor does a good relationship always come down to "balance", but I think it is an important contributor. What we usually look at when analyzing healthy relationships are things like attraction, temperament, goals, teamwork, etc. I think balance goes unnoticed, but is in the foundation of every strong relationship. All the other factors fall into place.

One thing I've learned from the many mistakes I've made in dating is that I was picking easy equations. The men I dated didn't challenge me at all, therefore, they couldn't get to know me, thus, I didn't know myself. I went to community college, so I can use "thus" and "therefore" in my sentences. If I put myself in an equation: My likes, dislikes, and interests represent the y-intercept. What would happen if I did the same thing with my significant other... what would our lines look like on a graph?

Y equals satisfaction, and X equals growth. Our y-intercepts could be the same, so we share the same starting point (same interests, tastes ect.). Even if we start at the same place, our constants could be totally different. If I'm a x and they're a x cubed, then according to our graphs, we're definitely not on the same trajectory. I couldn't fit people into my equation because I was after the wrong things. We don't have to meet at the same place, but we do need to have the same constant.

To further bury this metaphor into the ground, your constant is your values. Do you want to get married, do you want to raise a family, do you want a career, do you want to educate yourself, are you moral? These are things that have to align to maintain a balanced relationship. All of the other things are trivial, if you're equation ends up equal. This was a big risk turning math into a metaphor, but I like to live dangerously.

I am an emotional, creative, frivolous person. My husband is a calm, logical, fiscally responsible man. I like buying birthday presents for family and walking into the house- with a bouquet of flowers- with negative $7 in my bank account. He likes discussing politics, "teaching" me physics, doing puzzles, and reminding me that the bills have to be paid. We are the same age strangely enough. We do not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but we always come together in the end because we share values. We both love family, loyalty, and working hard. We believe in joking, communicating, and fighting for the greater good. We value being good people, brightening people's days, and leaving the world a better place..

He also challenged me; he opposed my way of thinking. The adversity in our relationship indirectly taught me who I am, and who he was, and it brought us closer together. My strengths supplement his weaknesses, and vice versa. Our differences complement each other in a great number of ways. The perfection comes from a place of imperfection and that is just the universe's way of saying, "ha... you thought bitch."

The last thought I had on this topic is that there are two sides to an equation. Today's era of dating is very egocentric. It's not singularly a bad thing, but it makes it harder for people to see relationships clearly. When all you think about is yourself, how can you be happy with anyone but yourself. It's good to think about what's on the other side of the equal sign, and how you can find your balance.