Finding A Purpose in My Life: Part 2

Last September was National Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month. I wrote a story on Vocal regarding my struggles with mental health. Being open to those battles to everyone could help others who are feeling hopeless and lost in life. You can read my entire story on that by clicking the link down below, but just to warn everyone, some of the details in it might not be suitable for some readers.

https://vocal.media/humans/finding-a-purpose-in-life-in-my-own-words

How am I doing in more recent times, you ask? I'm glad you asked. I've come to a point where I refuse to entertain or engage in drama or toxicity. Being estranged from my "family" since 2011 was the best thing that has ever happened to me. You must be thinking, what? Let me explain in more expansive detail. People say that blood is thicker than water, which is a way of saying that relatives or family members should always stick together. They also say that love has no limits. It means that we should love people, no matter what. I do love and accept people as they are, but when it comes to certain people and family who are toxic, that's where my unconditional love for them ends. These aforementioned sayings, in my opinion, are straight up balderdash. Toxic is toxic, no matter what. I wouldn't hesitate to cut someone out of my life, if needed.

Being Estranged From Family Is for the Best

I've been estranged from my family for 12 years and never looked back. I don't regret cutting my so-called "family" loose. Now why did I put family in quotes? It's because if they were really my family, I wouldn't have been physically and verbally abused by the two people that were supposed to love, protect, and support me. Call me callous, but I can't stand people who refuse to take any responsibility for their actions and continually play the victim card. Reconciliation will never be possible at all. Part of being a parent is to reflect and reassess your own actions, with the addition of admitting their your faults and apologizing. To be honest, I highly doubt that I would receive any apology from them. The reason is because they think I'm not deserving of one. I've come to accept the fact that I can't change them. It's up to them if they want to do just that. In the span of about 10 years, I've cut off many relatives out of my life, especially my young sister in 2020. She was making excuses for the toxic behavior of the people who were supposed to love, protect, and support me. You might have noticed that I didn't use the word parents. Why? They're not deserving of that title and they've already lost a son, which is me. I refuse to be constantly belittled by them, so sending them a message was important. I'm a forgiving person, but when it comes to them, not so much. Once you hurt me emotionally and physically, I condemn you forever. One phrase that I highly dislike the most is "They're still your family." I'm not required to respect people who constantly play the victim, refusal to show a lack of empathy for others, and refuse to own up to their mistakes. Besides, blood doesn't mean a damn thing to me anymore. I was the black sheep in the family, meaning that I've seen through everyone's BS. I no longer respond to my siblings' DMs on social media, because silence is the best response. I'm grateful for the friends, colleagues, and followers on social media who have been supportive of me. I'll never look back and since moved on. I'm living life on my own terms and setting expectations for myself. When people show you who they really are, believe them and never look back.

Collecting Baseball Cards

Towards the end of 2023, I decided to take up a new hobby, which was collecting baseball cards. I used an Amazon gift card that was given to me for my birthday from one of my colleagues on exactly that. After my beloved Texas Rangers won the World Series, I've since become more focused on baseball than other sports. It's never too late to learn a new hobby. So far, I've opened several packs of them, but still learning the ins and outs of collecting baseball cards. The years I'm focusing on is between 1990-2011. I'll be starting a collection with just Texas Rangers players between the aforementioned years in the near future. I've had a Rangers baseball card well over a decade ago, but at the time, I wasn't that serious of starting a collection. Fast forward to now, I'm loving it very much and having fun doing it.

Lessons and Advice to All

• There is no age limit to pursue your ambitions. If people are telling you that you're too old, they've never supported you to begin with. As long as you believe in yourself and work hard at them, I don't see why not.
• Always remind yourself that this is your life and no one else's. You shouldn't care about what others think of you. If they disapprove of the things that aren't harming anyone, let them. Besides, you can't please everyone. Constantly seeking approval from others or becoming a people pleaser will result in you being walked all over.
• Never be afraid to stand up for yourself. It's understandable to be afraid of any backlash or repercussions you might receive for doing so. Be civil, but also let your concerns be known to people. Don't be afraid to express how you feel without exploding or having the situation escalate further beyond words.
• Never feel bad for being estranged from family. Sometimes, our parents are our first bullies. They can be manipulative and toxic. Red flags such as them not showing you any kind of affection, name calling, and physical abuse are some the signs that you have abusive parents. Your peace of mind should come first. You shouldn't tolerate being berated or belittled. Surround yourself with positive and supportive people. Estrangement from family is probably for the best. You deserve better.

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