Finally

I’m listening to Finally by Niykee Heaton as I write this.

I’m not sure if I can fully put into words how I’m feeling. I know they always say that you’ll know when you know, but I don’t think I fully expected it to feel as intense as this.

I feel like that’s how you know you’ve unexpectedly fallen in love - when no words or coherent thought will fully come together in order for you to describe the feeling.

In the six weeks (roughly) since I’ve met this wonderful person, I’ve come to realize how special she is. She is like sunshine on the cloudiest of days. On those days where I swear I’m drowning in the sea of chaos that comes with my job, when my brain is ticking and I can barely hear myself think, she’s there to process and help me through. She doesn’t stop until she’s sure that I’m okay; until she’s sure that I’ve laughed, had something to eat or drink, or that the sparkle is back in my eye.

I feel like I’ve never been in a situation where my mental health is taken into consideration. Usually people are more focused on their own needs, and when I speak up, it’s like I don’t matter. But it’s not like that with her. For once, I feel like I’m in a relationship where I actually matter. I can support her, and she is equally supportive with me. And this doesn’t just go for the mental health aspect as well, but with any aspect. With our jobs, with our dreams and goals; we are so incredibly supportive of one another and want to help each other to build and grow. We are both so fiercely independent and have our own lives and identities, and neither of us are trying to rush into living together, etc. Nothing wrong with people who do that, but we both admitted that we are not the type; we like to have our own space and freedom to grow.

This just feels a whole lot different from the last “relationship” I was in (I think I addressed that in a previous post). I told her today that I appreciated her patience with me. I appreciated the fact that she was understanding of the fact that I am still unlearning some unhealthy traits from previously toxic relationships, and that it’s taking a minute to settle into this healthy dynamic. She too has been in some toxic situations and is working on settling into our healthy dynamic as well, and so far so good. We are just both so incredibly dedicated to one another. We know what we want: each other, and nobody else.

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been this happy, or settled. It’s like I’ve broken through that infatuation stage and just fallen in love. I’m 100% willing to work on anything to make this relationship work because I absolutely can’t see life without her. I know it seems cliche and a bit soon, but again, I think sometimes you definitely “know” when something is a right fit and when it’s what you’ve been waiting for. I honestly feel like she’s someone I’ve prayed to God for. She ticks off all the boxes: smart, beautiful, kind, a faith person, ambitious, hilarious - she is everything and more.

And I know some people will have something to say because “she’s not a man”, but who cares? I’m happy with her, and I’ve fallen…hard.

And for once, I’m actually not scared. I’m excited for the future, a future that I literally pray has her in it for many, many years to come.

We have plans to see each other in April, and I couldn’t be more excited. We don’t even have a concrete plan of what to do; we’ll probably just stare at each other in awe and cry and hug it out - and it’ll be the best moment ever.

“All this time you’ve been mine; you just didn’t know til’ that night; when I let you find me; now we can dance - finally” - Niykee Heaton x Finally.