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Feed Me!!! I Said, Feeeeed Me!!!

by Maurice Bernier 5 years ago in breakups / single
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The Daily Menu of a Confirmed New York City Bachelor!

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Life is tough for a single guy here in New York City. Sometimes, we need help just to get through our busy day. Face it. It takes a whole lot of energy just to look this good.

Let us start with the very beginning of the day. We always have a tough night and manage to get home to get some sleep. Now, I don't know about anyone else, but this guy here starts to dream about what is going to be on his breakfast. I just hoped that there is a pig out there who is going to give up the bacon. Mmmmm! Mmmmmm! I can taste my BLT right now. No! Wait! Make that a stack of fluffy pancakes topped with butter, maple syrup and a large glass of orange juice on the side. Yeah! THAT is a breakfast.

Before I could get to that breakfast of my dreams, I had to get through the hunger of the night. Fortunately for me, I usually manage to get through my strong hunger pangs by dining on a bag of microwave popcorn. It is usually followed up with some iced tea or lemonade. That will hold me until my 5 AM alarm. Back to sleep, Big Guy.

Alarm time!!! It is 5 AM and I am STARVING! However, before I check the fridge, I must do my daily AM activities which include cleaning myself up and getting dressed. Yes, that shower felt soooo good. So, when I was done, I got dressed for a pretty good summer day. I think that I wore a nice Polo shirt, some beige Dockers and my socks and a pair of brown loafers. Now, that is a cool look for a bachelor. That is how to dress. Off to the fridge.

So, my fridge was empty. That is fine. The old wallet showed that I had enough to dine out anyway. Maybe I should go out to an iHop and try some French toast. Yeah. French toast with some butter and maple syrup sounds even better. Then, it was time to head to the Batmobile.

After warming up the car and setting my radio, I headed to the nearest McDonalds instead. Mickey D's, as they call the joint, is not so bad. The food is both cheap and good. It is so good that one has to get used to standing in a long line just to get it. But, I do have an option. I just kept my beautiful butt in the car and headed to the drive-through window and ordered my meal there instead.

"How may I help you," said a most beautiful lady at the window.

"Yes. May I have six of those chicken McGriddles, 2 hash browns, a large orange juice and your phone number?" I asked.

"Well, sir, I am slated to be married soon," she responded.

I concluded, "No problem. Just tell me the price and I will be ready for you later."

So, I got my order and drove to a very nice location to enjoy my meal. Now, before you think that I ate everything, I did not. I ate three of my McGriddles, one hash brown and then polished off my orange juice. Yeah, THAT is a breakfast!

When my breakfast was over, I drove to a nice secluded spot to rest. It gives time for my food to settle before I drive again. Today, however, I decided to just sit and throw some popcorn kernels out of the driver side window. I enjoy feeding the birds who swoop down like miniature B-52’s just to get a kernel or two. At the same time, I was on the lookout for any cats that try to stalk these winged creatures. Once spotted, feeding time is over until I can find another wide open, cat-less space for my little-feathered friends.

It was time to run some errands, get the car fueled and other things. It is so nice to drive around this section of New York. On a nice, sunny day, you get to see so many people strolling in the sun. I pulled up to the stoplight to find a nice lady-about 40 maybe 50 years in age-at the bus stop. If there was a place to park, it would have been nice to chat with her, but I did not want to scare her at all. When the light turned green, it was time to move on.

Later on, during my ride, I managed to stop for gas. I got out of the car after I pulled up to the pump. I looked over the pump like a boxer facing an opponent. What was it going to cost me today? I picked up its solitary arm and shoved its hand into the tunnel of my gas tank. I then tapped out its order.

“I want $20 of your very best regular fuel!”

The mindless pump started regurgitating my gas. I watched the numbers spin like a Las Vegas slot machine. When it was done, I replaced its arm back on its rest, hopped into my war wagon and drove to my next destination. Now, my Jeep has been nourished. It is nearly time for me to eat as well.

As I traveled on, I came across one of my favorite eateries in the world –Subway. There, I can have a custom-made hearo, a hoagy, is what they are called somewhere else. To me, it is going to be a nice 12-inch hero. I parked my car and fed the meter a few quarters.There is no telling how long this stop would be because it is a very popular franchise and it could be crowded in there. Then again, maybe I will get lucky and get in there after the lunch crowd has left. We'll have to see.

I rushed to the door, opened it and took a huge sniff trying to fill my lungs up with the smell of fresh food-turkey, chicken, bacon and so many others so joyously mixed together. The air was so nice. If New York smelled like this every day, Billions of people would flock here. I took another step and walked directly to the order section of the counter.

"Good afternoon. May I have two foot longs, please? I'd like the herb loaf with turkey and Swiss cheese. Also add lettuce, tomatoes, black olives and honey mustard sauce on both of them. Thanks."

Then, I moved down the counter while rifling through my pockets to hand to the cashier, a very beautiful cashier at that.

I asked, "Hi. Do you come here often?" Yeah. It was a tired old line, but I had nothing new in my pick up line safe.

She gave me a look as if to say, "Just give me your money and I will give you your food. I 've heard your line too much just today alone."

I handed over a twenty dollar bill and added two sodas to my meal. After getting my change, I picked up my food and headed back to the car.

I placed my meal carefully on the passenger seat, started the car and headed back to my solitary spot. The drive was nice, no traffic. It took me about 15 minutes to get to my destination. I could still smell my sandwich. As always, one-half of my meal would be for now while the other would be for later. At that point, I realized something. I am going to be dining alone. Yes, alone! Eating alone at times is nice, but who wants to do that every day? I looked at my second sandwich. It would be nice to be able to share it.It would be great to be able to have a nice chat with some nice lady for once. Being single is a lonely, empty life.

I parked the car and turned off the engine. I reached over for my sandwich and set up my ad lib eating area. I unwrapped the hero and placed it on the passenger seat making sure that my food rested entirely on the wrapper. I then reached for my drink-a root beer-popped the tab and placed the drink on the shift console. Then, I reached for the hero and took my first bite. It was everything I dreamed it t be. Een though I have the same sandwich every time I go to Subway, it is like a first-time experience every time I bite into one. I carefully balanced my meal. Take a couple of bites. Drink. Take a couple of more bites. Drink. I did this until my sandwich just disappeared within my hands and the can was empty. In the car, I NEVER loosen my belt, but that would have made it a certification that the meal was a 10-star feast. Time to go.

I started the car and headed home.

Once I got home, I picked up the rest of my meal and headed into my apartment on the 10th floor. I fumbled for my keys, unlocked the door, went in and closed the door behind me. I headed toward the fridge and placed my meals in it. Now, I had breakfast and lunch covered for tomorrow The one thing that I did not have was someone to come home to. I looked around and felt rather remorseful. This place would be much more vibrant if I had a wife, someone to come home to, someone to hug. Yes, it is a lonely life.

I went to the sofa and sat down. I wiped a tear from my eye as I thought about my parents and their funeral. I thought about my sister and her funeral, too. I was all alone. The rest of the family went on their way to live their lives. Nobody wanted to visit me anymore. Yes, it would be nice to have a wife who I could share my feelings and would share hers as well. Loneliness is a terrible enemy. It only has one effective weapon. That is all it needs. II understand how that cemetery thing works. You place a body there, leave and try to never think of it again except during a special occasion. So depressing.

I nodded off to sleep. Before I knew it, my short nap turned into a nice, deep sleep. How could I have been that tired? I was in full sleep mode on the sofa. When I woke up, it wasn' 1:35 PM anymore. It was almost time for Jeopardy. That means that it was almost 7 PM. I turned on the TV so that I would not miss my episode. I returned to the fridge. The lunch sandwich was still in my tummy. I did not feel so hungry. Therefore, my planned dinner would be held over for tomorrow's supper. I just grabbed the root beer and plopped on the sofa.

I watched the rest of Jeopardy and a few other shows. Before I knew it, the TV was now watching me as I saw my favorite show at that time of night called "The Back of My Eyelids." Yup. I fell asleep again. My day was over and tomorrow would be a whole new cycle.

Loneliness is an awful ailment. Maybe tomorrow, I will find a cure.


About the author

Maurice Bernier

I am a diehard New Yorker! I was born in, raised in and love my NYC. My blood bleeds orange & blue for my New York Mets. I hope that you like my work. I am cranking them out as fast as I can. Please enjoy & share with your friends.

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