Fate can only be fate if we decide that we want it to be.

As a hopeless romantic, I love watching romcoms, but I always just dismiss them as nothing more than stories - not to be taken seriously. I also believe that these love stories are so personal that it kind of makes it hard to appreciate unless you fully step into the protagonists’ shoes. I always think to pose to the writer, ‘why should I care about your love story? There are infinitely many, what makes yours so special that it deserves its own movie?’.

But the message in this movie is something that I haven’t seen before in other romcoms. It’s something I couldn’t ignore because it relates somewhat to something that I’m facing currently. Love happens if we let it happen. Because heaven only knows the odds already going against it right out of the gate. You have to meet the right person, at the right place, at the right time. But that’s just the initial meeting. Then there’s everything else. Once you’ve determined you’re mutually interested in one another, how will you overcome your differences? How about the differences between your families and friends? Your careers? Will you still feel the same over time or will love fade eventually? What if some sort of tragedy should befall one of you? Or both of you? Will your love be strong enough to endure it? I think that’s what separates every single person from people in relationships. Single people are burdened by all these things and people in relationships just let things happen and see where it goes. Shoot first, ask questions later, as they say. Queue the meme of a guy meeting a girl for the first time and already an entire lifetime of them being a couple flashes before the guy’s eyes.

Well, anyways, after a series of heartbreaks and after entering my forties, I’ve finally decided to throw in the towel. I’m just tired of the soul crushing breakups after putting all my heart and soul into loving someone. Actually, that’s not really true. Which part? The part where I put all my heart and soul into loving someone. The thing is, fear has always held me back from doing just that. You put yourself in a vulnerable position, opening up a part of yourself that you’ve never shown anyone before. What if they don’t like the real me? What if the real me is incompatible with their illusion of me that they’ve built up in their minds? What if their disappointment is great enough to shatter their feelings of attraction towards me? It’s actually a self-fulfilling prophecy. You’re so busy thinking that they’re not going to like you that you miss all the signals and you do eventually become the disappointment that you’re afraid you’re going to be. I say ‘you’ but I actually just mean myself. I’m not sure if anyone else can relate. This is what I constantly face in my pursuit of love. A feeling of inferiority, of inadequacy. A low self-esteem. It’s true that you need self-confidence in order to find love. Love yourself and others will love you. Every romcom has drilled this into my brain. But for me, it’s easier said than done. Everytime I set about building my confidence, failure always comes to knock me down and put me in my place. I get humbled a lot. There are people out there - personalities, that can keep taking the beatings and come back for more. I, unfortunately, am not one of them.

My last attempt to pursue love ended in defeat. Then the pandemic happened which changed my view of the world. It seemed like after the pandemic, established norms were discarded and the old way of doing things are all of a sudden being challenged. Who‘s to say married life is the only way to live happily? I asked myself that. I also took a hard, honest look at my previous relationship and was forced to accept the fact that she wasn’t really interested and probably was never going to be interested. It was beyond repair. I did not let love happen. I let my fears get in the way. The feelings ran dry. It was time to move on.

I’m not sure if it was really the pandemic that helped me with moving on, but for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace with the possibility of being alone for the rest of my life. It wasn’t all doom and gloom. I did become an uncle to two adorable little nieces and I fully embraced my new role. It gave me a sense of purpose. I vowed to help my sister and brother-in-law out with raising their little ones and giving them the best life possible. I was happy.

As Michael Corleone from The Godfather III famously said, “just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.” Fate, it would seem, had other plans for me. As the pandemic slowly subsided, return to office plans were initiated at work. Part of those plans was to hire a new receptionist. I was introduced to this new receptionist on my first week back. I know what you’re thinking, and no, an entire lifetime of us being a couple did not flash before my eyes after our initial meeting. It came shortly after.

There was so little interest in returning to the office, that the new receptionist and I found ourselves the only ones in the office on a few occasions and it gave us a chance to get to know one another better. I was taken aback by the way she asked probing questions about me. Our conversations continued to the point where it had seemed that things were building up to a potential date, but neither of us made any moves towards making that happen. Eventually, things seemed to have fizzled out and the opportunity had passed. That’s where things sit currently. Then, this Netflix movie came out of nowhere and it made me think: what if we had just let love happen? Fate brought us together, but fate can only be fate if we decide that we want it to be. But then again, I could just be reading too much into all of this and there was nothing there to begin with. That’s reality for you. If my life were a movie, things would magically fall into place regardless of what I decide. But it’s not a movie and it’s still up to me to make things happen.