Escaping My Past... Part Two

Confusion.

A few months later...

AM:

I wake up and it dawns on me that I am still confused as to why he left. I couldn't wrap my brain around the reason... why? Why did he leave? Was it because of me? I am at fault? Was it my mother? I couldn't find any answers. I pace constantly back and forth, thinking over and over trying to draw conclusions as to why he had to leave. Irritable I decide to wait until 8:30. Braiding my dog's hair and giving it hugs. 9:00AM. I hear the sink running on the other side of the house. Her footsteps inching closer to the door. Stopping abruptly before touching the doorknob to listen. She always came in as if she has to say something important, but it was nothing new after my father left. "Hurry up take the dogs out and feed them."

10:30AM Roxy won't eat. Not good. Anxiety begins to kick in. Dogs don't eat. I don't eat. 'A stubborn dog' I think to myself. I hear the door crack open on the other side of the house. She's coming I think. "She won't eat." Roxy sees her begin to inch closer she quickly in defense of her eyes winces, ready for the pain. I do nothing. Stunned. Powerless. Nothing happens yet. As she begins to pull back, Roxy already behind me relaxes. I suddenly notice at that moment how severe my hands are shaking. I can hardly hold the bowl to feed Roxy. My palms began to sweat. Perspiration is pouring down my face. Fear creeping throughout my entire body. This is the beginning of my fear. She feeds on it. Helping her gain in strength to dominate my emotions.

PM:

Demands begin. I notice I am forced to do things a maid would do, not a daughter. I decide not to disobey an order, for I don't know what would happen if I do. 6:00PM I see the glass of wine and the bottle next to it. The wine is nearly gone.

6:30 PM.

Isolation.

My father calls and I suddenly grow happier and rush to the couch kneeling next to her, to get ready to speak to him. My heart sinks when I hear say "she's busy." I get up and run to my bathroom window to water my plant when I hear those words again. "He never wanted you. Your a measly child. He's busy, He doesn't want to talk to you." I want to scream. I want to scream and cry at the same time but I know I can't. She will hear and force me to stop. Suddenly my daydream stops. I hear her cold words. "Come here, Sophia. Wolfgang wants to talk to you." I quickly lift my head looking towards the ceiling, preventing my tears from ever being noticed.

I become fully aware she's watching me. Studying my features, how I react. I make desperate attempts to look away from her gaze. She can't know I've been crying, silently screaming.

"Hello!" My father's jolly voice makes my stomach churn.

I want so badly to yell and scream but I cannot. I must go on with the show.

"How are you?" I can feel my throat burning from the pain I feel.

"Good." No seconds.

"Have fun today?"

"Yes." Three-second pause.

"Is mom treating you well?" I stop, numb. I wish I could telepathically tell him. My mind is screaming the truth.

"Answer him!" she barks, interrupting my thoughts. I look at her. My eyes begin to water as I look at the name on the screen. It's my father and I can't even tell him how badly I feel.

So I surrender. "Yes."

She quickly pries the phone out of my hands and snaps her fingers to leave. That's my signal to go away. As soon as I turn the corner I notice the bottle is empty. My hallway leading up to my room becomes glassy. I can no longer see ahead of me. Pain begins to make my heart ache as I silently sob opening my closet door sinking into the darkness.