Entry #1 or Texting on Holiday

It's my mother's 50th tomorrow.

My sister and I decided to take her away for the weekend, to a remote hotel with all the works. Breakfast buffet with too much to choose from, a heated pool where you're required to wear swimming caps (thus, killing the whole aesthetic), a complete spa with all the stone balancing paintings you will ever need, complimentary white robes (obviously), and the occasional wild horse running around the property, increasing the price of our room's view.

We spent the day driving down to the hotel, through forests and empty roads, listening to radio music, screaming and fighting about hair lengths. We arrived late at night and settled in for the weekend of festivities. My sister and I got a room to share, and we gave our mother her own. The rooms were done up in dark brown wood, sort of ebony dark (creepy), with a big white-sheeted double bed slapped in the middle of the room, the complimentary robes laid over it, an empty dresser and closet, a flat-screen tv, a trusty reliant cuck chair, and matching bedside tables.

We said goodnight to our mother as I shut the room door behind me. My sister took the right side, I took the left (further away from the door, so she dies first of course). We brushed our teeth, switched on the tv for companionship, slid into our designated sides while pulling out our phones. And I was gone into my world, checking if you had texted me. Nothing all day...hmmm ok. All that driving, all that going away, all that I'll miss you, and not even a single "Are you there yet?" or a "Hope you're having fun! Miss you" or just a little tiny miserable "Have fun!". I'd settle for any of those really. And it takes you 10 seconds at most. Anyways.

Now, should I say something?

I want to, of course. But I also don't want to sound like a beggar. I want you to want me like I want you without me pointing it out or it won't actually feel like you want me in the same way. I mean, we started dating 3 months ago. You should still miss me after only one day. At least!

But this weekend is about family, and celebrating my mother, and my sister and I together, all of us reunited and happy and relaxed and... I'm just gonna "Hi, arrived. Good night x".

Ok, that was short enough that he will know he should of said something after like 12 hours of no contact. Yet it was also sweet with the kiss at the end, right? But not overly sweet, not too much that he will think I'm obsessed with him. It was perfect, he'll get the idea. Or he won't, but at least I've established an open line of communication for the weekend (uh, someone had to).

After all, we are in the twenty-first century, so why are men the ones required to text first? Wasn't Simone de Beauvoir's whole point that women and men are not a half of each other but instead are their own entire and whole separate beings? Something like that I suppose, her stuff was quite long. Me texting first or him texting first should be regarded as us being ourselves entirely, doing things simply to do them and with no further motive, not as a way to reconnect with our other half. Me texting first or him texting first should be regarded as the end itself, not the means to an end. Me texting first or him texting first should be regarded as equal.

No power struggle here folks, you can go home! In fact, how mature am I to take that first step? Quite a lot, I'd humbly say myself. I obviously don't care about how I am perceived; I do what I want, when I want, how I want; I am not controlled by archaic concepts of femininity. I am embracing my feminine energy in my own way, not how TikTok tells me to because my life should not ruled by a social network and its arbitrary soul-sucking users. Dating apps fear me. Sex and The City fears me.

It's been 23 minutes though. Who do you think you are?

You haven't seen my message and you haven't replied. Your lack of communication skills are seriously ruining my weekend. My sister has already flipped over and turned her phone off. I am actively trying to go to sleep. I'm already thinking about waking up in the middle of the night to the vibration of your reply notification and it disrupting my whole schedule. Do you only think of yourself?

This weekend, I want to be present with my family, focused on deepening our bond and having fun. Tomorrow, we'll have a delicious breakfast, spend the day at the pool and the spa, and finish off with a small intimate birthday dinner, just the three of us. But I will not be able to focus on any of these activities if you don't text me back promptly. If my sister was still awake she would tell me it's obvious you don't really like me all that much. Maybe, she is right. Why would you do this to me? I told my family about you already, do I now have to tell them we're short lived? Is that the update I'm meant to give tomorrow at breakfast? Don't you think that's embarrassing for me? Do you even think about how your actions affect me? I wish I had never met you.

"Happy to hear it. Have fun tomorrow gorgeous! Sleep well my love <3"

I stare at the notification of your text on my lock screen with the widest grin on my face, while the vibration buzz lingers from my fingertips down to my arm. I let the screen go black. Finally! Now I know you didn't die, or worse, that you don't want to break up with me. You think I'm gorgeous (awwwww). I roll my eyes in love. I guess you were probably busy! It is Friday night after all.

I can go to sleep now and wake up fresh, ready and hungry to celebrate my mom's 50th tomorrow. I'll reply with a nonchalant "Good morning baby", probably after breakfast.