Ellafino

"I'm stuck."

"What has you stuck?"

"Ellafino."

"Heh, heh. Yeah, right. What's going on?"

"I'm...frozen. My mind freezes between words. I just sit here...almost as if I were paralyzed. Stuck. ... Zoning out. Tunnel vision sets in. I see only the computer screen, and the rest of the room blurs as if I'm not wearing my glasses. It takes effort to move my fingers to type. I...just want to sit here, mindlessly watching nothing happen, irritated that the grammar check puts a blue line under the word 'just.'"

"When did this begin, this stuck-ness?"

"I'm not sure. Today, I think. Maybe sometime this afternoon. I had students show up this morning, and then, zip, zilch, nada. Nobody for the next four hours. I tried to look busy anyway, but how can you look busy when you have a huge, empty classroom? I used the two-way radio to call for students, but no one showed up. How pathetic is that?"

"Tell me more."

"All I could think of doing was completing some online training, since that would show up as a certificate, and planning for a class I have to add to my schedule. That's when I began to feel truly stuck. ..."

"Why did that make you feel stuck?"

"It's because it disrupts my entire schedule. And I have to master new material before teaching it. And I have to deliver the material with new methods. It's one thing to teach a class I've delivered before, but this time, it's an all-new curriculum. That makes my stomach twist into knots. There are so many ways to teach it, and I can't make up my mind about the best way to do it. Plus, the people I usually use as my sounding board are the ones I can't trust anymore, because they have demonstrated in recent months that they take everything I say in the worst possible way and try to get me suspended from work--or fired. It's disgusting."

"Let me see if I understand you correctly: You have a new curriculum to teach for a class you've taught before. That's making you nervous, and because you don't trust your supervisors, you're at a loss for how to prepare for the new class."

"That's it. You got it. I'm a friggin' bundle o' nerves, Doc. It doesn't help that my Keurig quit working. Friggin' thing. I can't have nice things, Doc. I'm not meant to have nice things, and I'm not meant to organize, and I'm not meant to not be friggin' stuck. Dang it! Ellafino what to do."

"You've said before that talking things out helps you find your focus. Is this helping?"

"Hahaha. You never miss a trick, do you? I felt better for a little bit, but my frustration is amping up again. I can't stop fidgeting. Chen."

"Chen? What is chen?"

"Oh, sorry. I just looked up from my desk and saw the letters "C H E N" on the building outside the window. Another example of my brain not focusing."

"You were saying what 'chen' is."

"It's the end of the word 'K I T C H E N'."

"Of course. You must be in the Office of the Falling Tile, then."

"You're funny, Doc. Sense of humor hiding under all those degrees."

"We've solved the mystery of chen, so what else is on your mind today?"

"I've figured out how I'm going to schedule that new class. Our discussion on the philosophy of chen must have helped. Well, that and I got an email reply from someone I needed to hear from about potential scheduling conflicts. Now, I just have to learn the material well enough to present it intelligently. That will present its own sticking points, but I'll deal with those later."

"The 'Philosphy of Chen' has a nice ring to it, Mack. Are you going to copyright that, or can I use it in other sessions?"

"Let me give that some thought, Doc. Okay, thinking's done. Go ahead and use it."

"That was quick. When I make my millions from it, you aren't going to sue me, are you?"

"Why would I do that? I'll just suggest that you pay me for my sessions with you, hahaha, especially since you got stuck during our last one, or have you forgotten that we switched roles for a bit that time? I haven't stopped shaking my head at that."

"Hey, Mack, that's not playing fair."

"All's fair in love and war, Doc. Granted, this is neither love nor war, but... "

"Okay, so maybe you did have to play my role a little last time. I admit it. So, when I do make millions off the 'Philosophy of Chen,' I'll cut you a royalty check or two. Will that satisfy you?"

"Hahaha. Of course, Doc. Just enough to pay off the mortgage, please. But more to the point, let's discuss how you got stuck on something that happened to me. You had a tough time letting it go."

"Have you found out why your novel was banned from the prison libraries yet, Mack?"

"No, Doc. Listen, I've had it up to my eyeballs with the false allegations my boss has brought against me since last year--and the twisted statements she has used to create the illusion of guilt. When she sent me the email a few weeks ago, ordering me to pull all copies of my novel, which I donated to the two libraries, I pulled them. She didn't say why, and I haven't seen any reason to voluntarily enter a one-on-one meeting with someone whose professional conduct toward me has been overwhelmingly negative for the last eight months. She wants the books censored and banned? They're censored and banned."

"Well, Mack, I want to know why."

"Feel free to call and ask her. I'll give you the number."

"Wouldn't that just bring more trouble down on your head?"

"Ellafino, Doc. But I wouldn't have to be the one asking her the question, and I'd have a witness to the shenanigans she's been pulling. The question for you, Doc, is this: How badly do you want to know why my novel, which has been in circulation for four years, is now banned?"